/wiz/ - Wizardry

I don’t have any advice to offer, but know how you feel. I will be 30 in a couple months and don’t know what happened to the last 10 years of my life and keep wondering where did I go so wrong and why am I such a failure who was unable to provide himself with happiness in anyway shape or form whenever I look back on my life I only see mistakes. I just feel like a creature devoid of any substance that struggles terribly just to get through daily life. I find I am much more fragile than I used to be and often have anxiety attacks over next to nothing. I wish that I could have at least a couple weeks or maybe a month a year where I don’t feel this. There are very few days I don’t think about suicide and long for some amount of positive stimulation or something to be proud of. I live on my own but that’s about the only thing I’ve managed to accomplish other than that I’m just some shitty faceless wageslave, my cat and mom are the only ones who care if I live or die.

>>198926
I hope that you don’t also deal with health problems that cause you pain as I do. It seems when I get a break from my mental anguish it turns to physical and visa versa

I asked my doctor and got prescribed meds lol.

>>198929
what exactly did you say to him? is it good stuff?

>>198933
Just got a prescription. Haven't bothered to try them yet and who knows, maybe i won't. I originally went in to talk about how depressed i am and maybe going into therapy, which i never did. Went back and meds were recommended to see if it can get me out of my funk enough to start actually doing something. I've always been pretty anti meds but i don't know at this point? I don't really have any other options or anything to lose. Sorry, i don't really have any advice for you either but i know where your at since i turned 31 this year. The whole year has been some of the most intense despair i've ever felt. New years resolutions are stupid but i think I'm going to try and make a real effort to stop hating myself so much at the very least this coming year. I mean theres enough people around who'll happily do it for you anyway.

>>198942
SSRI's turned me into a zombie. You seem to know there are problems associated with these things but I'd suggest using supplements and the gym.

did about half a year swimming every day and reading books in the sun and was tremendously. I know this is all normie advice but the only thing meds did for me was make it impossible to hold an erection

Don't have anything to add but I know how you feel and am going through most of the same thing

>>198997
What supplements?

>>199004
St John's wort is comparable to a mild SSRI in clinical testing. Vit D if you don't get sunlight, Ashwagandha or Bacopa Moneri for anxiety. 5htp as well. I wouldn't buy more than a few supplements because the effect is pretty subtle, but the same goes for the effects of antidepressants unless you're in a special subset

>Any advice?
Yes, stop looking for emotional support online.

>>199006
Agreed.
>>198926
Ask ELIZA

Buy an ebike and do Ubereats

I was in a similar situation like you OP, the difference beign I was something around 27, I was still looking for a motivation to fuel my drive to accomplish at least one thing I've wanted to for years like starting to make my dream videogame but years passed since my 20 birthdays, the clock was ticking and I spend my time failing for three times to achieve a diploma, didn't have a driving licence etc.

What helped was testosterone injections accomplied by aromatase and prolactine inhibitors with kisspeptin + selegiline. In the last 5 years I've literally transitioned from unprodictive dreamer to pragmatic achiever.

If you haven't already I'd also recommend ditchhing caffeine in all forms and alcohol(also nicotine if you are a smoker) and supplementation like vit. D, C, magnesium etc.

>>199011
>If you haven't already I'd also recommend ditchhing caffeine in all forms and alcohol(also nicotine if you are a smoker) and supplementation like vit. D, C, magnesium etc.

why? i like magnesium and vit-d.

>>199012
What I meant was ditching alcohol and caffeine and to supplement yourself with vitamines

>>199011
where did you get these done and what give you the idea to try it?

>>199006
Where else should you find it?

>>199043
>where did you get these done
what do you mean? if you mean injections i inject these myself subcutaneous (a lot of people think you have to inject in into muscles which isn't true and are thus discouraged to do so)
>what give you the idea to try it?
reading a lot of nootropics oriented websites and researches on sites like ncbi

>>198926
You can't. I'm about to be 34 in a few weeks and I can't accept my age. The anxiety, depression and regret for "missing" my life just grows stronger with each passing year.

I don't know about the rest of you, but personally I really want to get older because I feel like the more time passes, the more likely it will be that everything might become so meaningless that I will stop suffering as much as I do.
I want to reach a point in life where I will no longer feel the necessity to talk about problems that I might have.
Trying to figure things out, even typing this post right now, is a sign of immaturity.
I hope that one day I will become mature enough for these thoughts to become internalized, I am not gaining anything by doing what I am doing right now.

>>199248
I get what you mean and how you feel, and I really doubt that a human can ever transcend this in his lifetime. I'd say it's best to just suicide instead of spending decades in a life you probably don't even want, just for the possibility that you might eventually become immune to life.

>>199249
>>199248
Just do drugs and have fun LOL

>I thought that as I would get closer to 30 for sure a drive to achieve SOMETHING will awaken in me but nope.
what? recognition by normis? recognition by fellow wizards? I suppose you want to have pride for doing something, but you should only be satisfied by the enjoyment of creating, not how others rate it. I just want OP to explain what they mean by "achieve" that doesn't involve recognition by others. Maybe something like I want to achieve an FTL drive, but I know my limits in understanding and pushing Physics and I have come to accept them.

Once you hit 40 you get master wizard powers, and you kind of stop worrying that you just wasted your 20s. I would say don't neglect yourself physically in the meanwhile because then you'll be even more bummed out as things start to get harder.

Don't waste your time worrying about hitting 30. As you've noticed, it literally doesn't make any difference.

>>199269
Not OP but for years I want to achieve something that means I'll be recognized by others. I have a major in EE and a master in mathematics, yet I have not accomplished nothing in both fields to the point I got sad I'd not be remembered like Gauss, for example.
At this point I just accepted I'll never be recognized, but maybe I should aim to enjoy creating things, not how I'm rated by others.

>>199248
>Trying to figure things out, even typing this post right now, is a sign of immaturity.
Immaturity is the first step towards maturity.

>>198926
>Any advice?
The root of your discomfort is that you compare yourself to normgroids. You don't do that, when you compare yourself to them, you start comparing yourself to their standards, and you get unhappy by not achieving their standards. "Not caring" is not something that will automatically start occurring with age. You have to be introspective enough ("why I care about this and what should I do to stop caring"?).

I hope that helps.

>>198926
I have the same disconnect with my age. I'm 30 yet feel only 24.
Which sucks because I started my (real) adult life at 25.
Before that I was a shut in neet.
But I believe most adults don't feel their age.
They just have adult shit to del with.
Friends, relationship, job, paying taxes and thinking about politics and how the world is going to shit.
Because they cannot afford to buy a house.
Our life is passing by a blink of an eye. Not for just us loners but for wagie normies as well.
Financial and relationship stability makes it more bearable, though…

Your mode off describing the whole thing in this piece of writing is truly nice, all bbe able
to easily know it, Thanks a lot.

Not a single person accepts the fact that they age. Literally no one. its a reminder that not only you are mortal, but you are fragile. Aging gracefully is wearing it well. When i turned 16 i felt it. when i turned 18 i felt it, when i turned 20 i felt it. Literally just cope. like its not even a moral thing you can age gracefully and wear it well by acting like an idylic 30 year old but really theres no much.

how will mortalfags cope is the question

It's 40 that really fucks with your head. That's when it is clear there are fewer years ahead than behind, and those years are not likely to be any better. I'm hoping to avert that though, because the first 20 years were horrifically bad and the past 20 years for me have at least allowed some sort of life. I don't expect I'll get much because of events outside of myself and out of my control, but as the world rots, I'm just going to keep on paddling. The people who thought they were winners are learning that it was all a lie, and I get to say I told you so.

>>201886
Well, 30 years old is actually peak mental and physical strength for a man, but I hear you.

>>201947
I guess it's different for everyone. I'd peg the last time I still felt like I was past the experation date was some time mid-late 30s. Finally had to let go of the idea that I was still just an overgrown teenager, if you get my drift. So 40 was just another year and I expect I probably won't really feel much of any older until I start to become decidedly infirm. For now, it's just the background noise of being consigned to a creeping decline that's largely unnoticeable from day to day or year to year.

>>201886
>When i turned 16 i felt it. when i turned 18 i felt it, when i turned 20 i felt it.
for me I only feel like I'm getting older every 4-5 years. I remember physical changes at certain ages, at 9 I remember getting stronger, at 14 I remember getting taller, at 20 I remember my face changing a bit, and at 27 right now I noticed my skin is looking a little old

>>201962
I never was a "teenager". Those years are best forgotten. There's just a big nothing where most people go on to live a life. I'm outside the stream of acceptable development. Really, I gave up on the idea of reaching societally approved benchmarks when I was a kid. Around 40 you really do feel the effects of physical age, sometimes a little earlier or later.

I really don't think about being really old as much different from now. I'm in bad shape as it is and probably won't make it to 60. Quite a few of us die young for some reason or another. Knew a few guys who had fatal strokes in the 40s after living troubled lives.

>>198926
>Any advice?

yeah. it is possible. that's my advice.

>>202007
I'm not saying I was normal or a normal teenager. That's just sort of where my emotional development largely got stuck, and I still barely feel like a real adult. But the crazed intensity has given way to more of a mellow old man who's given up on the idea of fighting or trying for anything.

Fortunately my health is still relatively good aside from being relatively fat, weak, and tired these days. Oh well. I was really only planning on making it about this far anyway, so the rest is pretty much just killing time. I have long had the impression that the decline of sufficiently advanced age tends to psychologically prepare humans and animals for their eventual demise.

I feel you. I'm 34, I already have gray hairs all over my body. I've always tried to hide my age to look a bit younger, because the though of getting old mortified me. But this year I've decided to shave my head and rock a goatee full of gray hairs. I look like a battle-hardened motherfucker, you'll never expect me to be a wizard if you would see me. It's usually until I open my mouth that people realize that I got issues.

But yeah, growing old as a wizard sucks, because your body gets older, but you have no experience or emotional growth to show for your years. The only good thing about it is that once you hit 30, the "spotlight" most people put on you in your late teens and 20s is no longer there, so you feel more free to do what you want instead of what's expected of you. People stop gawking at you and you become sort of "invisible" because now you blend in with the rest of the "adults".

If people ask you about your life, you can come up with any lie and they have no reason not to believe you. Usually when normalfags ask me if I have a gf/wife I just tell them that my last gf cheated on me and I haven't had a relationship in years, they believe me since at this point most people expect you to have some sort of experience when it comes to dating and stuff.

>>202019
We do grow, we just become alien to humanity out of necessity. All their stories about growth and accomplishment are a lie told to get us sucked into their latest fad. Look at how accomplished these people are - succubi who are made to make themselves available for their bosses to get ahead in the professional world, men who are cuckolded, assholes at the top who did nothing but run the world into the ground and annihilate anything we'd actually want in society. That's your "personal growth" ideology. They don't want anything to grow except people like themselves, and then they declare that anyone who isn't a vicious predator like them is retarded and exists to be robbed in broad daylight. They don't want a world with anything else, and they want anyone who produces anything to be a slave.

In my case there is no doubt. Anyone who talks to me for any length of time sees right through any pretense I would maintain about getting anywhere with succubi. The only people who cared to insult me over it are the scum of humanity, barely better than me. I've had people just say out of the blue that they envy that I'm never going to have to put with it. There really is nothing there, anyway. Ideally you'd make babies and then do whatever else you were going to do. It would have been nice if fathers could actually raise their children, but the state wants to take your kids and raise them to be screaming maniacs, and there's no getting around that now. It's insinuated itself for too long. I don't know why, because this model for society has always been a dismal failure every time it has been tried. Everything in the past century has been the slow decay of all the virtue that was built up when the Empire produced men worth a shit. It has long been known that ultimately the strength of a society is most of all premised on the virtue of its succubi, so training succubi to be eugenicist harridans with no soul is part of the new slavery.