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 No.276114[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.


I want to become a heroin junkie. Problem is they don't sell this drug in my country.


They do, you just don't have the social connections to get it.


I think I caught a cold.


I like the lethargy of the first few days of a strong cold. It's not very nice when it hurts so bad you can't find a comfortable position to sleep but just before that and after, when you can find a comfortable position if you don't move too much it feels rather nice.


2 more chemo treatments, then it's back to the great life I had before cancer! So excited. Well, assuming It doesn't come back and I die.


Bored to death
Nothing to do


Me too.
I'm not clever enough to figure out where to get that stuff, man.


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>don't even have the energy to hate normalfags anymore, just feel this empty sadness when they annoy or upset me
Is this improvement?


Glad you're nearly out of the woods, wiz. I hope it continues to go well for you.

It think so. It sounds like the anger and hatred has matured into acceptance and disappointment. The realization has set in that the cognitive dissonance of the average normalfag is so strong that most simply can't be saved, so continuing to actively hate them is just a drain on one's own energy. There's little left to do in the face of normalfags but sigh at their unending ignorance and leave them to their fate. I think that normalfags, ultimately, are little more than obstacles on the path of the wizard. No use in screaming at the rock you tripped over, just get up, dust yourself off, and keep marching.


eventually the hate will turn inward


>Eventually you will get bored of being bored

I love little normalfag truisms like this. They make no sense but they're amusing in a "Child hands you a shitty drawing of a penguin" sort of way. I should collect them.


I just feel like it's sad I don't care
It already has


my life has been shit trough all of it, the only time i feel good happy or whatever you want to call it is when i do drugs. The problem is that i know 0 good dealers and have 0 friends so its really dificult to find good shit even when drugs sell like candy in my country.


I feel like one of those old people that are basically invisible to society and stuck with family but I'm only in my late 20's. Small town America is completely alienating. There is basically nothing to do in public that doesn't involve money, the infrastructure does not support anything but a car so my world is limited to a 5 mile radius outside of my house and then I reach obviously unwalkable highways, the social services are complete garbage and you can't get neetbux unless you walk in the door missing half your limbs.
There's just nothing for me to do but sit inside, if I could get even 100 bucks together I'd get a one way ticket to a big city and try crawling my way out from being homeless because it honestly sounds better than here. Every job site I go on I have 5+ applications with everywhere in town I can think of, 2018 app closed 2019 app closed 2020 app closed 2021 app closed, etc. If everything requires money and I can't even get the most prole wageslave labor to generate money what am I supposed to do? It's all I ask myself everyday is how do I fill these 16 hours before I fall asleep again. I can't even afford to maintain my bike so that I can ride back and fourth down the same sidewalk routes instead of walking down them so I can pretend I am not just pacing back and forth like a loony.


Why can't you just walk to the nearest city? Might take a couple of days but it should be doable. Bring plenty of water. Walk next to highways rather than on them, always walk on the left so you face oncoming traffic and can dodge if anything goes crazy. Once in the city you can panhandle for the money you need until you get a job.


so alone. Drinking every day…


It's overrated. I'm too scared to even OD, and I'm tired all the time.


are you high? what the fuck

Really bad situation. I don't know any solution, unless you can get a job in another city or a loan to study and use that to move


iktf and feel like a ghost myself. a ghost without a bike even. try for neetbux and just take it one day at a time. best wishes


Drugs feel very overrated once you tried them a lot. I used to be a big pothead because of my depression but now i've been months clean and don't have the urge to smoke again because it sucks and doesn't do it for me anymore. Only thing that satisfies me is fapping and nothing else, oh life is so disappointing that even drugs can't make happy.


That's it! I'm DONE with wizchan after this revelation! i'm going to that other chan that's run by sensible people and isn't a honeypot, normalfag infested hell-hole!

oh wait…no such chan exists


An untrained person can walk 15 miles in a day. Regulations require many businesses and public buildings to provide free water so you should be able to top off your water supplies from time to time. You can plan your route on google maps. It will even give you walking directions to optimize the best roads for walking. Depending on the distance he is from a major city, it could be viable to walk there. Alternatively you could try hitch hiking. I know it may not be fully legal to walk along certain highways or to hitch hike but it is unlikely to be a big deal.


I live in a middle of a giant suburban development. There's not a fucking BENCH for at least a mile. And no stores for 4 miles. No car = No life in Asphaltia.

And anyone saying "just walk" doesn't realize how painful and frustrating it is to have foot blisters. Walking everywhere isn't an option unless you're homeless, and even then I would rather hitchhike or do little surveys so I could pay for an uber every other day.


What are you missing anyways? What would you do? Sit on one of them fancy big city benches all day?
I live in a city and I don't get it, but I'm a shutin anyways


>An untrained person can walk 15 miles in a day.
Lmao no. Absolutely not.


>feel like killing myself
>Brain does a 180 outta nowhere while I'm sobbing on the couch and now I'm full of energy and joy and I'm pacing around my kitchen laughing at dumb jokes I tell myself
>Like an hour or so passes and those feelings of euphoria are dead and I'm back to feeling like shit
I'm like this sometimes and IDK what it is I tried asking on 4chan got no response lol,I wish I could stop at the second part.


Got perma banned from 4chan for posting a naked succubus who was apparently a teenager and I didn't know. Need to wait one more day to appeal. My stupid router won't change my IP address. I don't know what I'll do if they refuse my appeal. I can't just change my internet provider. I can't even concentrate in anything thinking about it. I spend all day on 4chan. Without it, I don't know what I'll do.


Be honest about not knowing, and say you'll attempt to do due diligence on images in future.

Say you understand the 4chan mods have to take a strong stance against content involving minors in order to stay online.

Here's a secret: the mods use ban pages more to communicate that you have done something that they disallow and to make you understand it, than to punish you. Permab& for anyone posting v&-able material is to proect themselves; users who appeal need to understand that they need to change this behaviour.

4chan has remained online and not been removed from sites like cloudflare because the mods, while mostly laissez-faire, crack down on things which break US law. This includes CP, images which sexualise minors, documents and text which break US law to share (military secrets), credible threats of harm to individuals (credible is important, if you say 'i want jimbob duggar to die' that's fine, if you post his travel itinerary and a pic of a gun that's a thread), etc. The mods MUST do that in order to keep 4chan alive, and you need to make it clear that you didn't realise just how important this wat to them but you do now, and you wish to continue using 4chan on this understanding.

Do not say "being on 4chan is my life and I will be terrified of a life without it", say that 4chan is important to you as a community and that you didn't realise you were endangering it, but you will take more care now.

And then actually stick to that. Try to do your best about doing DD on whether someone in an image is a minor. You are genuinely better off burning your collection to the ground and starting again, but this time in a safer manner. We're entering the dangerous era where AI content recognition could start getting you in danger if you have content that is illegal. If the 4chan jannies are able to recognise "this person was underage at the time of the image", you bet your ass that in a few years time, image recognition AI will be able to analyse shit and put you at risk.

Don't post images you lack sauce for. Play it safe.

Heck, copy-paste this reply I have given you if you want. It is all sage wisdom, I promise.


>Here's a secret: the mods use ban pages more to communicate that you have done something that they disallow and to make you understand it, than to punish you.

Given that I've been banned like 10 times for making simple jokes or remarks the mods don't like, that's a metric ton of horse shit. Who still believes the mods of 4chan are anything but powertripping losers and government agents/trannies?


>I spend all day on 4chan


That place is mental poison. There was a time when the toxicity was to gatekeep normies and in all the dirt there would be occasional diamonds that would make browsing that site worth it but nowadays it's 100% dirt. There are no diamonds to be found anymore.


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Everything in life is painful: I'm disgusted by everything I'm forced to eat, and I can barely get out of bed anymore. I've been having intervals of being on the verge of tears only to go back to being numb a minute later. I wish someone loved me but love is a myth and I've never been able to love myself anyway. I feel like a ghost, a spectre that doesn't really exist and in some ways I don't - a handful of people would show up at my funeral and I'd be forgotten completely in 6 months. I haven't done anything worth telling anyone about in years. I am a ghost/NPC mindlessly doing my daily tasks basked in melancholy and isolation like a insect; my only respite will be my untimely death.

Anyone else actually feel the casual 'call-of-the-void?' I just want to disappear forever.


Just ate 8 slices of toast


The duality of toast and men


This is good advice. 4chan has redesigned itself either by cultural shift or by powers that be to be intentionally inflammatory and annoying. You will not find interesting conversation. You will find antagonistic dickheads or 24/7 Bots who try to be as irritating and mentally draining as possible.


How has science not figured out how to cure depression yet?


Cause its not a real disease.


Because its caused by outside factors and its not a disease that you can just catch. Their answer will always be pills because anything else would require people to actually address whatever is making them depressed and the pill prescribing doctors don't really care about going deep with some random asshole. If the pills numb out the symptoms without actually solving them then that's enough of a 'success' in their files, they might as well just hand out weed to patients because it would lead to the same thing.

Maybe in the future they will be able to shut down certain brain parts to fool us into thinking were not depressed anymore so we become more effective workers and consumers.


what would a cure look like? Depression isn't a cancer or a virus, it's not an anatomical problem. It's something more spiritual.


You can soothe it with drugs


Yeah, the cure is known:

- Resolve stressful issues in life
- Distance from stressful people or those who only say depressing things
- Exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet
- Be in nature


>Resolve stressful issues in life.

Great advice bro. Let me try

Steps to become rich

- Acquire a large amount of money


"I'm not rich" is the #2 most normalfag thing to be sad about.

Vidya, kino, animu, manga, bangers, and feet pix can all be pirated for free.

All your exercise can be done with bodyweight and stones you find in the ground.
Food can be grown.
Guns can be stolen.
Poverty is no imposition on a man's happiness. Embrace it, or overcome it while subverting those who wish that you remain poor.

If you have any other stressful issues in life, list them here, and I will trach you how to overcome those too.


I'm using an analogy to make fun of your retarded argument. Oh wait, are you a bot? wait, nah. bots have better reading comprehension than this.


>I said a thing in plain English. What, can't detect that it's nuanced sarcasm over the internet? Must be you.
Fembrain can't fathom the idea of being misunderstood due to her own faults, shrieks that the listening party is just stupid


Depression is a state of learned helplessness. It comes about when stressful issues cannot be resolved and obstacles cannot be overcome i.e. like repeated social failures since childhood that many wizzies experience. In that case, even if a magic hand removed the stressor, the depressed person is still depressed because his mind has adapted to a state of continual failure and no longer can even consider a different course of action.

It's a mental condition and I really hate when people try to handwave it with diet and exercise. External stressors are the initial trigger, but you can imagine that the mind is like this elastic thing that can bend and be flexible, up to a point, after which it no longer returns to its original condition. Psychological trauma, external stressors that cannot be overcome, developmental milestones that are missed…that stays with you when you change your environment and leaves a structural scar that cannot be removed with a bunch of pills or happy go lucky thoughts.


my mother tells me this. no idea what its supposed to mean or how it should help, as if one day everything is going to go back to normal and im going to become a functional human.


Another dumb retard who feels a type of way when somebody brings up doing something positive. None of the things this guy listed have something to do with business or 'improvebrah' advice as you fags like to call it on here.

You guys are 18-22 years old on average and try to tell others who have been here for a decade that being a depressed mindless consumer forever is the true wizard way of life. None of you assholes will think this way once youre older.

Your logic:
>If it doesn't get you pewsy or a million dollars its not worth lifting a finger for anything and if you still do it youre a normie taking 'improvebrah' advice and im smarter than you because im a depressed cynical faggot who needs to countersignal anything that doesn't encourage others to be miserable pieces of shit.


Why are you so angry? I think you missed the point of the post in your rage induced hallucination of it.


I've been reading the same, nearly word for word, normalfag advice for over a decade now. I sometimes wonder about you people. Who are you? and why do you keep posting this shit. I will never know…the world hides many mysteries.


I think some of those posters are legit normalnigger psychologists come to study here or something. They give normalnigger advices regularly here since 2013.


It's simple advice, if you're not eating healthy and not exercising or you're doing stuff that furhter adds to your problems then shut up about being depressed. What else do you wanna hear the same old "I pissed in a bottle today and then I played videogames and fapped. I did the same" type posts.


You zoomer fags haven't even been here in 2013


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If my parents dump another dog on me after getting bored of it after a week I'm going to fuck off and be homeless.


i realize im raising my dog like my parents raised me. i provide it with all its physical needs, but dont give it any emotional contact.


If you and the dog don't have any emotional attachment to one another, it should be easy to pass the little guy on to a family who wishes to adopt a dog. All three parties would benefit. Tell them you're moving out of country or are terminally ill or something.


Oh no no no wizzie. They WANT the dog. They don't want to take care of it, walk it, play with it, or have anything to do with it. But they will not let me give it away to someone else. It's their dog!


How unfortunate. In this case it may be best to just train the dog to do a big pee all over their bed. Consider stealing money from them to pay for the dog's care and food. High quality stuff too, with liver and kidney.


I remember after I had surgery I wasn't able to walk the dog. it was just whining in the house for a day straight until I finally got up. My parents were sitting on their ass the whole time it was whining. During the walk, The dog saw another dog and nearly pulled me into traffic. I kicked it a couple times so it would listen and dragged it back home.

It's weird. My parents take care of my NEET ass so I'm grateful, but they also have this secret resentment toward me it seems.


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the improvebruhs are calling us fatalists and nihilists but inproovers ideas are based darwinism which is both nihilistic and fatalistic


The thing I hate about improvebrahs, other than their smug uninsightful advice, is that they always have this notion that improvement is inevitable. Oh, you gave up after seeing no progress? Well, there you go, if only you spent several more years on it, doing the exact same thing then it would've worked. And there's no way to prove or disprove that. Improvement is inevitable and if you aren't seeing any then you are not working hard enough and you aren't exercising and eating right. God, the diet and exercise is the worst trope I think. No wonder you're a 30 year old virgin with zero prospects in life, you forgot to eat yer veggies!! Fuck I want to curbstomp an improvebruh on the sidewalk and then tell him to improve his teeth with diet and exercise.


IMO it's nearly impossible to get good life advice. There are so many factors that you would need to write several pages describing your situation to actually get tailor made advice for you. But there is no guarantee that you won't miss stating something important and no one online is going to read all that anyways. Also good luck finding a competent psychotherapist.


Does "life advice" even make sense in most contexts? If one is depressed about the inexorable passage of time, about the loss of opportunity, about loneliness, eternity, about sadness that escapes description because words are too weak what advice could be given? between every human is an uncrossable gulf of perception. There IS no advice.


being the best wizard you can be, actually overcomes the nihilism of darwinism that life is all about sexual reproduction. by being better than the sexhavers, you give light to a dark world


samefag, pay attention


I told my father today I wanted to die. He take it as an insult to him and ignore the whole "I want to die" issue.

Apparently my parents thought that's ungrateful feel like this despite all what they done for me.


>being the best wizard you can be
the best life for a wizard is that of lazy neetdom, if you want to be a normalfag that's fine just don't push your shit onto us wizards and pass it off as wizardly


If you gave me a billion dollars I'd still sit in my room all day and do nothing and be miserable. The great secret is there's nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no one to be.


i mean theres not much they can do with that. ive had convos like that myself in the past. but what do you expect them to do, shoot you?

ultimately, responsible parents will just encourage you to get help

and its own your own if you want to settle it


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I have the chance to fix my life, to do anything with my fucking life. I can give myself meaning and all that jazz, bur no I have no motivation or intention. I have fucking nothing, no drive or anything? What the fuck is this? Why when I was a teen I had so many dreams and aspirations but now as an adult I just want to browse imageboards, fap and cry myself to sleep? What the fuck is this life?


How do I figure out what to do with my life?
I feel stuck and lost.
It's so easy to not think about it, and just distract yourself.
Should I just spend a week staring at the wall, unironically?


Start daydreaming about a different life where you're happy. It will feel good even just thinking about it. Then just connect it with your present life by imagining a plausible way to get there. Once you have a plan, it's just about finding the courage.


They could provide emotional support by listening and empathizing. You'd expect them to at least ask "Why? What's going on with you son?" but most wizzies have suffered from emotional neglect their entire lives and their parents just don't care about them. What kind of parent doesn't stop to wonder why their son hasn't left their room in over a decade and has missed every major developmental milestone? At best, they only care when it affect them and makes them look bad. You should move out and get a job because I am ashamed of you, not because I care for your well-being in any way.


>There IS no advice.

>depressed about the inexorable passage of time

you cant control time but you can make sure to use it well and lead a healthy lifestyle to increase the odds of living longer

>about the loss of opportunity

you were not in the right headspace to take it. hopefully you are now

>about loneliness

love yourself first and then get out there. of course you will be lonely if you stay at home all day doing nothing.


doesnt exist as far as i know


watch youtube videos on different subjects, try out online courses, think back if there was a subject in school you found fun or easy


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my parents tried talking to me but they are unable to comprehend that i feel bad and at the same time am too tired to do anything about it

i tried to explain in detail how i feel but it was like i was explaining 4D space


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Used to wonder the same, but every turn left me to another bulwark of existential angst. Nowadays I find that I resolve my existential angst by thinking of something that's immediately important. Whenever I end up thinking, "What should I do with my life," I find myself now redirecting that thought to, "What do I need to do right now?"

I used to think I was taking pragmatism to its extreme; but now that I've written this down, I think I'm just using my low self-esteem in an ironically positive way. Every large, forboding existential thought of mine is countered with, "Man, I can barely do X that's a million times more urgent and yet a million times simpler than this," and I end up doing that instead. In the meantime, this distraction keeps almost every thought of existential angst at bay. E.g., "Why would I even have a chance at thinking about the fundamental nature of reality when I can barely figure out what to cook tonight, let alone how to?"

I've also wondered if there is something logical or more generalizable to this way of thinking. Something like >>>/wiz/205496

Pic unfortunately related.


I’m 29 years old you retarded normalnigger and I visited old wizardchan first at 2013 . You r9k retards are the one needs to go back you piece of shit.


after being prescribed a beta blocker for my high heart rate it seems like my "depression" was cured, my heart rate and blood pressure are down to 65bpm 110/75 (from 95bpm 120/90) and its like the fatigue I attributed to being depressed just disappeared, maybe it's possible I never had depression and there was just something wrong with my heart since I've also experienced palpitations for the past 6 years


I'm going to sleep to forget things.
Almost 30, and this is my life.
Never in my life did I think I'd suffer like this.


yea i dont have the energy to even do anything anymore since i never get rewards and have nothing going for me. boomer parents are cluelses


>I live in a city and I don't get it,

Yeah, you don't get it.


na weed doesnt do the same thing. actually weed abuse causes more anxiety i can tell from myself. i abuse weed and when im not on weed i feel like im having a pnic attack


>just love yourself
You learn to love yourself, and come to know yourself by other people loving you. It's not the other way around.


For me weed increases anxiety and overthinking


My normalfagdar made me ignore his post but he really said "love yourself". These people must be built in a factory somewhere. The normaldrone V1.33, now with 50% more platitudes.


This tbh.
People don't grow confidence in a vacuum, you get it from others feeding it to you.


love yourself aint great advice. but i found "bee yourself" is.

not because your self is so great or anything. but because changing it is impossible. we have an immutable essence.


The advice is kind of bad. Nobody acts like their "real" self around strangers. We act courteous and put on a normal, friendly disposition. Only when we're comfortable do we step into our idiosyncrasies.


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Why am I such a bitch?

I remember growing up when facing a difficult boss I would quickly run on the internet to see if there is a guide and if not I would whine about how impossible the boss is and when people said he was easy I would get angry.

I spent so much time whining online I found this place because even people on 4chan were tired of my whining. I've been told that I have a defeatist mentality but instead of reflecting on it I just got angry.

When I first want to learn something my first instinct is to ask "is it too late" and "how to get into" instead of just doing it.

Why am I whining about how whiny I am? How do you make a 180 on your personality in your 30s?


I wonder about how much people lie. Like those people who said, "That boss is easy, git gud."(*) Were they lying as a way to make themselves feel better? When people say you have a defeatist mentality, were they lying just because they didn't want to hear you talk anymore?
I also wonder about how much I'm just coping when I think things like this.
I don't think 4chan were tired of your whining. 4chan hates everyone. It's not personal.
I don't think asking "is it too late" and "how to get into" are unreasonable things to ask when looking into a pursuit. If you were completely passionate about the pursuit, then it would just naturally happen. But if you aren't, then strategizing about how much effort you'll need to expend is rational.

(*) There are some gaming communities that are completely ridiculous, by the way, so I think comparing to their standards is unreasonable. Some of them have this "difficulty cycle of death." I think Freeciv is a great example of this. The earlier versions of the game were easy, fun, etc.. However, the people who make game suggestions are people who want the game harder. As they make the game harder, they exclude more and more people at the fringes who would otherwise find the game fun and accessible. Eventually, there's a death spiral as the game fades into oblivion.


I find your life experiences, memories, and patterns of behavior to all contribute to who you are as a person. So the way you act around strangers is part of your identity. It's directly produced by how you grew up, your culture, etc


meant to reply to this one


Maybe you just whine more often than others?
Might be that others struggle with the challenge too, but simply choose to not whine about it?

As for how to learn to enjoy challenging vidya… That's a tough one.
For me it just came naturally, I think. Play more vidya? I guess you could try to play vidya on easy mode or with cheats and realize how cheesy and hollow it feels, I dunno.

It might sound gay but try to think of it as a "challenge" instead of it being "hard"


>I've been told that I have a defeatist mentality
To be fair, and in my personal experience, whenever someone makes a negative post nearly anywhere there is almost always someone ready to jump out of the woodwork to claim that the poster is a 'defeatist' or 'blackpilled.' Sometimes it's a valid criticism, sometimes it's a shitpost, and sometimes I think it's some normalfag trying to ward off 'bad vibes' because uncomfortable truths are the bane of normalscum. Also, you're better off not going to 4chan anyway, seeing as it's mostly a hangout for trannies, alphabet agents, and edgy normalfags.

>When I first want to learn something my first instinct is to ask "is it too late" and "how to get into" instead of just doing it.

Like >>276347 said, "is it too late" and "how to get into…" are some of the first questions to naturally ask when pursuing a new skill, so don't feel bad about asking.

>How do you make a 180 on your personality in your 30s?

You can change, but understand that any substantial change or growth takes time and effort. It can't be done in a day, a week, or a month. It often takes several months or years to make worthwhile changes to yourself and your life. I would advise you to reflect on what it is that makes you 'whiny,' and I mean really think on it. Break the behavior down into its most basic parts, and work at undoing those behaviors overtime. Also, as far as other people's perceptions of you go, don't worry about it too much. When people call you whiny or defeatist, only pay attention if they offer advice on how to improve. If their advice proves helpful, incorporate it into your life and grow from it. If their advice doesn't apply to you, ignore it and move on. But as I said, change takes time, so take your time with it, don't overwhelm yourself by trying to change your behaviors all at once. I believe in you, wiz.


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- -
May anyone who is *not* on my side go through EXACTLY what I've been going through these past 7 years now..


>Like >>276347 said, "is it too late" and "how to get into…" are some of the first questions to naturally ask when pursuing a new skill, so don't feel bad about asking.

Nah I really feel like me asking these questions shows a deep problem with my personality. I am always looking for an excuse not to do something instead of ways how.


So my appeal got denied. I can only appeal again after 30 days. My imageboard days is literally over, unless I change my internet provider, which I don't want to do because my internet is good.


"Fuck I want to curbstomp an improvebruh on the sidewalk and then tell him to improve his teeth with diet and exercise."

incredibly based Anon


4chan is bad. It most likely negatively impacts your mental health. You should stay away permanently


4chan is so fucking bad that i literally wonder how people manage to spend more that a few minutes there. it's fucking insane


Shake the internet and not much falls out now. I've gone days with the PC turned off just staring at the ceiling because of it.



Been having loads of diarrhea. My body tries to defecate even when I haven't eaten anything. Life is miserable.


BRO they are doing you a favor

I keep going there out of boredom and every time I am baffled by how they are able to fill a thread with 300 posts saying absolutely nothing. I was trying to talk about strategy in a video game general and got only 1 line shitpost replies. Any time I find an interesting thread it just doesn't get any replies. It's all just hornyposting, crabs and braindead racists.


Why aren't you more worried about having uploaded that in the first place?


Nothing in life will give you more pleasure than drugs. Doing drugs ruined my sober life forever.


What drug specifically? I've done painkillers (oxycodone) and I wasn't impressed.




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I have been doing the Maths.
I calculated the cost of living, the total cost of raising a child\kid, value and cost of rent and\or buying a house.
I am willing - and I certainly WILL- deprive myself of all that; of food! of comfort, amenities, utilities! And all the while toil (work) fanatically.
what for,ah! i honestly forgot…I did have a supper firm decision, to use all my resources, money, calories and longevity meters for a something…which I now totally forgot what it was


Personally I'm an intelligent racist


God, I wish I weren't so fucking crazy


One day I will find something worth doing and I will do it.


I'm tired of being me


Does anybody else have a problem with a constant, disparaging inner-voice? It goes something like "idiot, moron, worthless" etc. etc.
I remember seeing a piece of art about schizophrenia where someone is surrounded by a barrage of insults, and it's kinda like that (obviously minus the audible hallucinations). I guess it's a bit silly because I do recognize it as an unnatural occurrence, almost as if the thought was put inside my head from elsewhere, but I still get myself swept up in it. I wouldn't say it even makes me feel sad, but saying that it's "helpful" doesn't really sit right with me either.


Just like you described kind of like those schizophrenia simulations without the actual hallucinations. It flares up when I’m stressed and gets faster the more stressed or sad I feel. Sometimes it’s a stream of “shootyourselfintheheadshootyourselfintheheadshootyouselfinthehead” repeating occupying all of my thoughts and I can’t focus on anything else but replaying the phrase over and over.


This may be very radical, but perhaps we should all give ourselves an allowance of forgiveness. All we are doing is insulting ourselves for being lesser to others in however many ways; how does this help anything? If we quiet our nervous minds for an hour, internally speak kindly to ourselves, maybe then we will have both greater confidence and clarity wherethrough to find a new way.


Sometimes I get in a certain melancholic mood and start shitting on myself, like a monologue telling me I'm subhuman. Strangely, despite the voice telling me how terrible I am, it's kind of comforting and I get some kind of sick enjoyment out of it despite the sadness.

But I also get these intense cringe flashbacks and in order to disrupt them, I yell out all kinds of shit. Usually I say "kill yourself", "god you're such a retard", "hang yourself" etc. And those moments are seriously unpleasant and I wish they would stop happening. It's like I have to immediately punish myself after I remember some cringe memory.

I don't know, the mind is a weird thing. There's a hidden logic in everything you do, even the things that you feel compelled to do or are otherwise automatic. But what's the point of shitting on yourself, what does it even serve, but there's always some hidden emotional reason that makes the behavior worthwhile for you despite the pain it brings. Some say you learn this in childhood and you start punishing yourself in order to ward off some greater punishment. Like if the adult sees that I'm a worthless piece of garbage, I won't feel as guilty and I won't get beat or they won't abandon me.


While I don't use it to clear my mind of cringe, I do use it preventatively to keep myself from creating more cringe.
"Don't exist publicly, you don't remember what you are?" kind of deal.


I just want a fucking job


It is impossible for me to not hate myself for my retardation.


I made a mistake that will cause immediate shame and humiliation. It has been a long time since I made a mistake like this. It's nothing extremely bad, but still, I thought I had my head 100% under control. I'm glad this slip in sound reason was just a mild mistake, nothing extremely bad.


No you don't lol


Well shit, that's quite surprising to me. I was under the impression the internet was getting consistently more PC and scrubbed squeaky clean. The wild west days of the net are over, now everything is part of the entertainment and advertising network and we can't have non-lucrative things on the internet anymore!


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I want to do so many things but thinking about how the results will not be instant makes me sad and unable to motivate myself. How do people do it? How do I acquire this magical quality that others call "being a grown up" or "being a hard worker" or "being a man"?


A bum didnt lock the bathroom shitting at popeyes, and i heard gun shots go off not too far at the park when i was there.


Nothing ever changes, I'm sick of this shit.


I took some meds that I stopped taking because they made me nauseous out of desperation and wound up projectile vomiting so hard I actually saw stars.
I’d heard the expression before, but in thirty years nothing had ever actually made me see stars before. It was oddly interesting enough to experience something new that it wasn’t that bad.


I too am lazy despite wishing not to be. The world has become increasingly a place that caters to the hard workers above all else. Technology has a lot to do with it because it has made a vast majority of the jobs out there basically brain-dead, and not requiring any talent or skill as long as you put in the effort to figure out how to use the technological tools at your disposal, so success is determined by two things, how hard you can work, and more importantly, how well you can game the social dynamics of wherever you work for, ie ingratiating yourself with the bosses, becoming loved and respected, etc. The naturally hard-working and gregarious people end up dominating almost effortlessly and as more and more advanced technologies are developed it will become easier and easier for them to dominate and take larger chunks of the economic pie. It will be some work Chad using AI to do the work of 10 people and getting paid 3x while the exploitation chad who owns everything takes the rest. The lazies like us will stand no chance of finding a suitable position in society.


Why can't we just sleep forever?


God tortures us.


i just wish i was dead already
i have nothing, i know nothing, i can do nothing. there is nothing i wait for, there is nothing good that can happen to me. there was not one point in my life that suicide would ba a mistake, if i would never be born i wouldn't miss a thing.
everyday i pray before sleep so i won't wake up
i deserve my suffering, i guess thats why i haven't ended it already, but how much more do i need to endure, please God have mercy, end it.


art is dead. nobody creates anything anymore. there are no new movements. everything is a rehash of something older and its all monetized. this world is dead and soulless just like me.


The world just makes me sad.
I'm getting more aggressive, and less agreeable.
A lady tried handing me a pamphlet for a church a few hours ago, and I told her to "leave me alone".
Man, younger me would be fucking disappointed in how unfeeling and bitter I've become.
I used to be so kind.


Not your fault man, world is just generally awful. I don't care if some people have it good and made it, most of the human population live in poverty and have to work for meaningless shit for the rest of their lives. Just let your feelings out and take care of yourself man.


I'm trying man, but I'm turning into an irl Moe Szyslak. I'm not trying to be funny, but I'm just desperately miserable and scared, and nobody cares. Not that they'd be able to do anything, but I'm just so lonely. /rant


Pull the plug right now.


I don't have a concrete solution for you, wizbro. But I do have a piece of advice which is: try to refrain from panicking. I remember in my mid-20s when I was in graduate school in a new city without knowing a single person, completely overwhelmed with schoolwork, dealing with physical issues, and at the same time utterly alone and scared. The panic broke my mind and some days I could barely move. Physical symptoms only worsened as my brain was essentially telling me to die. I don't know how I survived. But I did survive. Treat every day as an end in itself and do not overthink everything all at once. DO NOT fall into the trap of attacking yourself in your thoughts. For instance, when you wrote "I used to be so kind," this is evidence that you actually still are kind, you're just suffering because life is absurdly difficult, and it has changed your behavior. Your younger self would probably understand that you are in pain and cannot behave as you once could in the absence of so much pain.

Is there any way you can lessen the sense of despair for at least a few hours? The cold feeling that overtakes the body when thinking about very dark things is terrifying, but it does pass. I care about you and am thinking about you (in a wizardly way).



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Thanks for the positivity, man. I'm going to play some video games to try to get my mind straight before the coming work weel


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Long shot, I think I saw it in an old general. There was a pdf of a book someone posted maybe 3 months ago. It described depressions as being, according to some people, fundamentally indescribable.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I'm looking for the book.


I'm not a crab, and I don't want sex or a relationship. I think people should do what makes them happy, and if they can enjoy things I can't, I try to understand that it isn't personal, and I mostly wish them the best. For me, a relationship would be hard to maintain, as constantly stressed out and miserable as I am.



Oh my god, that's it! Thanks man!


Why do totally innocuous things piss me off? Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Like a comment or just a simple thing going wrong makes me extremely upset. It's like i'm mentally regressing


It's called being irritable.
Could be for a lot of reasons.
It's among common symptoms for depression.


Go catch a bullet in your head going 500 mph


Go catch a bullet in your head going 500 mph


I wasn't always like this. Years ago I was so apathetic. I didn't care. I couldn't care. Now anything sets me off. Maybe my brain is slowly losing control of my emotions because life has gone too bad.


Same here. I used to just feel empty and apathetic as a teen, but as I approach 30, I'm stressed and aggressive a lot of the time. I also tend to feel extremely confident and physically strong (even though I'm not), when I'm in a particularly bad state. I don't know how true this is, but I read a few months ago that in some countries, depression is thought of by the public as being a disease characterized by altercations, and aggression, rather than passivity and silence, like it is in the US.


Maybe it's brain changes. Your mind never stops changing, maturing in a sense. And maybe as an early twenty something we could distract ourselves with apathy. Distraction is easier, because joy and pleasure comes easier from music, games, browsing websites.

Now that we're older we don't get as much pleasure so the rumination sticks around longer and sits deeper and hurts us more. We can't just sublimate ourselves in depression. All I know now is I'm just angry all the time. in time i hope it flattens out


I don't know. Cabin fever?
Is your physical health also deteriorating?


I have a fever out of nowhere. My body hurts. I hope I don't have to work like this tomorrow.


being depressed seems like such a trivial thing and yet i still take the path of least resistance wallow in my pity and have no energy to lift a finger. i dont even have the energy to distract myself. why do i feel like this?



It is called here around as "warp". A physical consequence of autistic mismanagement of some emotions

Know thy warp wanings, these are the books where I could take knowledge to slowly cast myself away from that status: https://endchan.org/pdfs/res/326.html


not wanting to shit up the board by creating another whine thread I decided to search reddit for "regret, wasted time" and I found people who were 20 complaining about how much time they wasted and how it's too late. Also people who graduated college and have a good job, exercise and a normal social life saying they feel like they are not doing enough. What is wrong with people.


I'm being gangstalked


I feel like I wasted my life trying to "do a lot."


I mostly got over my depression, but numerous habits of a chronically depressed person still remain and it somewhat worries me that if i don't get rid of those unhealthy habits i might fall back into depression. I need some push to get me moving again.
I'm not asking for an advise, just blogposting.






I will pray for you. Turn to Christ brother


Every time I try to play a video game or enjoy myself without working I just feel fucking guilty, like i'm committing the worse crime to man and I fucking hate it. Why does this feeling happen? Have I gone too far into wageslavery?


I can't believe how much of a manchild I am at 30 still.

People this age live independently and take care of another human being while I still live with my parents and never had a job and only eat pre-made food. That's so bad holy shit. How did I allow for this to happen? At least when I got halway to 30 my instinct to start getting my shit together should have kicked in.


>At least when I got halway to 30 my instinct to start getting my shit together should have kicked in
don't they? that's what I'm waiting for for my next years


The later schizo mind lives clogged due to unreleased somatized contents.
>Warp wanings


Why would your instincts kick in? You have food, warm baths, clean water, utilities, internet access. As far as your body is concerned you're at the top of the world. It doesn't care about your other pretensions. Maybe once you're living in the streets on an empty stomach, but definitely not now.


>Why would your instincts kick in?

Because of the ability to think about the future.


If only! Your body needs hard evidence.


Why do some people have such precise control over their emotions. Are they even able to self reflect? Maybe I'm just overrating them idk… maybe I'm just an anomaly…

As an adult I have way less control over my emotions compared to when I was a kid in fucking school. I didn't pay much attention to anything bad that happened to me back then.

If I were suddenly transported to my 15 year old body, in high school, I'd legit off myself in a day.

What is this and why did the opposite happen to me? People are meant to mature and become more "cold" as they get old and I'm here being emotional as a fucking teenage succubus whenever things go wrong or whenever I experience any negative feedback. Complete opposite of how things were meant to be.

I need to learn more about this topic, idk what's it even called, maladaption? Need more feedback from you wizzies.


Emotions are just internal feedback i.e. signals that tell you what you value and how things are going. They aren't bad and you don't need to control them. Most people don't think about their emotions. Neurotic individuals on the other hand obsess over them and want to keep them on a tight leash.


>Most people don't think about their emotions.
Yeah, this makes me think if they even experience them in the first place, you know, the whole NPC meme that was popular one time


For me it's the lack of control.
If I ask my mom to pick me up something at the store and she doesn't get it. I'm hosed. I can't do anything about it. I'm 100% dependent on her for basically everything. So it causes me to feel like a helpless child.


I'm either intersted in everything or not really interesting in anything. I feel indifferent about about most activities, hobbies "I'm doing this but I could be doing that instead and it would be equally good or bad". I can make myself "enjoy" many things, but none of them feel special, there is no passion.
I could either learn draw or produce music, learn about Japanese history, or Roman history, philosophy, learn math, or physics, play computer games, clean my room, do woodworking, or restore fountain pens, …….. I could go on forever (I don't do all of these, but for example), and I could be moderately entertained by these. I do have things that I enjoy more than other things, or things that I hate, but otherwise I'm moderately entertained by a lot of things. But, they are all just a way to spend time for me, and to be entertained (because I can't just lie down and do nothing all the time, right; although I heard that there are some people like that, who are depressed to such an extent; but that's not me yet).
My mind is a mess due to a lack of focus or meaning, I have picked up a lot of interests (and quit a lot of them, hobbies I pick up and then neglect for something else, and then feel guilty because I have no time or energy to get back to them; I wouldn't have enough time in a day if I were to pursue all of my interests). However, nothing is really important and every thing is of the same priority, it doesn't matter what I do, or whether I do it.

My mom is starting to nag me about moving out after a few years of NEETing, which is fair. But, I don't really know what to do with my life. I don't really want to do anything in life, I don't really want to live and just want to do the bare minimum. I could live in a cave satisfying my basic needs and that would be good enough, or live the NEET life (I'm not that happy, but it beats whatever else is available, as far as I can see), or better yet if I could stop existing right now, that'd be pretty good.
Someone could say why don't you just kys, but I'm too much of a coward, and too attached to my everyday comforts.

Whenever I run through scenarios in my head I can't come up with anything, nothing to look forward to, and then I just end up stuck in my thoughts get tired and stop thinking about it.

So, I'll move out rent an appartment wasting a lot of money paying some landlord rent (rents keeps increasing all the time or so I hear), find a job, and be even more alone. How is that any better?


does sugar help? i had a rush of i don't know what the fuck is it, but for a few minutes i felt so bad that i if i had a gun i'd considered shooting myself. then i drunk a glass of water with as much sugar as would melt and i felt a little better. idk maybe it's just a coicidence, so asking here


Suicide good


Ever see little children go bonkers and run around on a sugar rush? It does that, which acts not dissimilar to a mild stimulant. Studies variously show it as doing things like very slightly improving test scores due to the mental excitement, but also can cause a bit of a fog like caffeine is known to do, so that may be an additional or alternative source of distraction for you.

Following that would normally be an insulin rush resulting in some amount of a crash and sugar coma, which also may be a source of useful mood change for you. Or it could even all just be in your head and just the routine of doing it and hitting the "yay I'm eating" reward centers of the brain are responsible.

Whatever the case may be, if sugar water is enough to keep you even then you're doing pretty good. And you can even experiment with less sugar-heavy alternatives as time goes on, whether that's centered around honey or other flavor sensations. Some people, like me, get a beer-like buzz from hot peppers.


Yes, it's known to have an antidepressant effect because of the euphoria.


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>I'm either interested in everything or not really interesting in anything

Same. For me it's because I think I am enjoying the absolute peak of something that is the result of years of work while focusing on 1 thing means being confronted with all the boring details.

Nowadays with the internet you get shown the best of the best. Like if I see this guy and think he is cool am I interested in robotics now? Meanwhile if I actually wanted to get into robotics not only would I not be able to make something like this alone like I'm Iron Man because it's insanely expensive and requires a team of people who all work on one specific part. I would also need to study math/physics/programing for 5+ years and then be looking at boring code/schematics/3D modeling software all day. And that's just working at one of the best companies. Most people working in robotics aren't doing anything as exciting.

And it's similar for anything where I see a cool image or a 10 minute youtube video that shows off an amazing achievement.


what now?


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Rot and die I guess


Wrote up a reply for a wizzie having trouble with "perfectionism" but he deleted the thread. Oh well, if you're still here…


It seems to me that perfectionism is not your problem, but rather your inability to accept that resistance is a constant reality in anything worthwhile. Your example of the RPG game where you restart multiple times because your build seems "wrong" is the most salient one and showcases how resistance is the trigger. Underneath your anxiety and avoidance is an assumption that things shouldn't be this difficult and surely I couldn't possibly be having so much trouble. On the one hand, your immediate intention might be to find the "perfect" solution where resistance no longer shows its ugly head, and if that doesn't work, then you simply go back and forth in a cycle of avoidance and procrastination, checking up on the task to see if anything changed since last time.

In order to deal with this, you ultimately need to transform your perception of resistance and difficulty. Perhaps delve more deeply into what these things mean for you and more accurately, about you. There is a cliche about the gifted child who gets showered in praise in his younger years until he eventually reaches a point where his natural talents no longer provide effortless progress and he has to actually grow and experience the pain of growth for the first time. Some people never managed to get over that hurdle, or rather, fail to accept it.

Next time, observe when those uncomfortable feelings start bubbling up and what triggers them, then question your implicit assumptions about how reality SHOULD work.


I'm just so burnt out of my bullshit. Always looking back and thinking "oh my god I wasted so many years doing nothing" and yet not changing anything. It's so sobering to see that the steam games I bought were last played in 2020 or to see receipts from 2018 on books I bought but never read.


I don't feel regret for my past, because even if I traveled back to the past with all my current knowledge I still wouldn't change shit. I'm lazier and more dejected now than I was back then


Ever since Covid it's like I've been transported into an alternate world where everyone is just more nastier and self centered. I'm not sure if it's because I've aged into my late twenties and people stop making allowances for fuck up retards like me, or if Covid really did a number on people's heads, or both.

My dad reckons he's noticed the same thing, to a significant degree. People do seem to be getting shittier and shittier.


>Always looking back and thinking "oh my god I wasted so many years doing nothing"

What do you wish you had done?


My mental health illnesses have visibly progressed to the years. The feeling is hard to describe. The symptoms and their frequency have gotten worse but I'm far more stable than 10 years ago, I can even hold a job now. Symptoms won't improve and I simply got forced to learn to tolerate them. Every day is a battle that I can conquer if I make some heavy effort, but I'm tired. I don't see myself doing this for another 29 years.

I feel very angry right now, I genuinely wish things weren't like this. Things won't improve and I've accepted that many years ago, I don't understand why I'm angrier now, I wasn't full of hate like this 5 or 10 years ago when things were far worse.


He just wants to feel like he didn't waste his life. He probably wanted to be a normie but couldn't just like me. I envy them at times because they seem so happy, i'm always so fucking sad and have no courage to change my habits.


I dont really regret The past because with My genes I was bound For this path. There was never Any chance For me to a high tier normie just like there was never Any chance For a Chad to Be a bullied crab. At high School I didn't do anything cool like drinking or sports do there was absolutely nothing to talk about with The other guys, The connections were already established from junior high. Also coupled with The fact how Timid most teenagers Are.


One thing that's true being old is you really get used too shit. I feel more at peace way more than I was a teen or early 20s. Christ I was a fucking monster during my teen years and had such a stick in my ass.


It's my birthday today. 29. Why even bother.


Happy birthday.
Mine was just a little while ago, got a mechanical pencil from my mother, it was nice.


Thanks. I'm playing some video games. Trying not to feel like loser.


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Here is a specific example:

2019 I got into LEGO and I saw this and it inspired me to learn how to build something myself so I thought I would buy sets to learn the techniques and then try to build something myself. But being the instant gratification addicted fuck I am of course I ended up buying a lot of sets for the pleasure of buying something only to occasionally actually build one and only 1 time try to build something myself and give up after 1 hour. This happens with so many hobbies I get interested in. First I ask how to get into it, see the ambitious end-goals, get what's necessary to get started, never actually seriously put work into it…


50 more years of unhappiness, hostility, and daily concessions.


Parents are getting another dog. Their last dog they got bored of after a month and handed it over to me to take care of. The dog would cry and whine and shit while my parents browsed their phones all day. And now it's happening again

is being homeless that bad? Is it time to just pack up my shit and go? I'm 30 now. Maybe it's time


>Being investigated by the welfare department for welfare fraud because my whore of a case manager didn't update my details
>Mom got a concussion and now has early signs of dementia
>Dad is bedridden

This is it, I have to wagecuck and grow up.


what details?


Always remember that they can’t do much to you legally. Without proving intent, they can’t get far at all.
Shit sucks


I'm really sorry to hear that man, I hope things go good for you. Wagecucking really sucks ass but we gotta do what we gotta do. My advice is be very humble and save and you'll have a lot of money to neet up for awhile for yourself.


I stayed awake for 20 hours until 8PM to fix my sleeping schedule just to sleep for 14 hours and ruin it again.

Fuck this. I almost felt an improvement and now I am back to this degen sleep schedule.


Repeat it 5-6 more times.


so you woke up at 10am? or did you stay late again afterwards and ruin it?

the way i fixed it is by waiting until i'm tired and then just sleep for 16 hours. it's easier it to oversleep than it is to stay awake for too long.


I don't care that it's mother's day.
My life is defined by not caring.
I don't care that I have no friends.
I don't care that I'm slipping through the cracks.
I don't really care that, as the years pass, it's becoming eminently clear that I will never take my place in society.
I don't care that I don't have a girlfriend, and that I never have. I wouldn't know what to do, anyways.
No wonder I'm so miserable, and feel so decrepit.
All I want is to die and get this tedious reckoning over with.


Didn't get my mother anything for mothers day because I felt like shit and didn't want to go out. But now I just feel even worse even without anyone telling me off.

How do I overcome this spoiled childish thinking that I need to feel good to do something? Every day millions of people don't feel like doing anything and still follow their duties. I guess me asking this question is pointless since there are no magic words that will make things feel effortless. I feel like me being isolated for so long is what made me feel so detached from any sense of duty.


There's pretty much no where I can discuss my religious feelings since the internet is predominately atheist. (Atheist and outwardly smug about it too) but I felt as though I was getting closer to God recently but for some reason it's now been undone and now I'm back at square one. Despair.


being around others feels more isolating an alienating than not seeing another face for weeks. i feel like im faking it when im around another human being.


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Ok ill be brief and unto the point:
>I suspect the life of top models of either of the 2 existing sexes is basically a never-ending party and uppermost grandeur of the human condition
>Chico at his youth could have started a religious cult of he wanted to, and 100s of teenagers would have died for him
>*got invited to a fucking royal's party
>many such cases
I need to stop sleeping for 90 hours - but im too afraid of the pain, death, horrible horrible 90 hours itll be.
Please blackpill me so I can crave death to a point, and can thus, face 90 hours awake without using any drugs.

Relevant links to prove Im not bullshitting out of mine arse

Benefits of Theta waves:

plebbit post explaining you can stay in Theta for limitless time after 72 hours of sleep deprivation as long as you dont sleep anyways


Forced myself to sleep all day so I couldn't live. Now that I can't sleep anymore I'll have to face existence. I hate existing so much. Can't wait for this shit to end.


My back really kills me if I try to sleep all day. I don't think we much longer to live. Soon we will be free of this prison.


Just set your alarm for 6am and no matter what, get up at that time and go for a walk to the shop and buy a coffee. And don't ever do naps

That's the only way to fix a sleep schedule.


I have the opposite problem. Somehow my body always wakes up at 6:30 AM no matter how late I sleep. I usually end up lying in bed for hours after that and I never feel rested.

But I also slept all day so you're in good company.


>I usually end up lying in bed for hours after that and I never feel rested.

That's the problem, get physical exercise in right away.


>What else do you wanna hear the same old "I pissed in a bottle today and then I played videogames and fapped. I did the same" type posts.


I'm not an atheist to be smug or sound smarter than I am. I simply can't believe in a god anymore that allows this pointless chaotic existence. Nothing makes sense when you try to make out why is such and such, and even if you can have faith to god, is that going to change your life or anything? No, it will just give you a placebo to actually do something with your life because you motivation and faith to god even though clearly the dude doesn't actually exist. I used to be very religious too until i've been deceived by the world.


>I simply can't believe in a god anymore that allows this pointless chaotic existence

I have 0 religious education but just thinking about it I feel like it makes sense because if he starts meddling with the affairs of humans where does it stop? What kind of suffering is so bad he has to intervene and where would he let it be? Where would you draw that line? And if god is going to micromanage humanity in a way that we don't suffer will we even have any free will and appreciation? I see god similar to how nature documentaries don't just help an animal out when it's in trouble and just observe.

But because of this I also see 0 reason to for worship. Do I even want to worship a god so vain he needs to get his ego stroked to give me favors?


ironically when you start thinking why god is this and that you come up with a conclusion that no matter how you turn things around the god just doesn't fit in there and the only way for the god concept to have no contradictions with our subjective justifications is to have 'i don't give a fuck' attitude. he just created some turd and forgot about it. or he doesn't exist.


Exactly in the end it's pretty pointless to get into religion and worship and also pointless to be a smuggy faggy atheist, I say live for today and make it count. Focus on the life around you and be like an animal following your desires and instincts.


I'm not going to set up a complete defense of God but I want to remind you that your complaints have been known since antiquity. It's exactly those feelings I had to face when I converted.


>be like an animal following your desires
That's exactly what most people here are doing. Nothing but masturbating, playing and watching no effort garbage day in, day out. Turns out your instincts is not a solution to boredom, depression or even being conscious. At all. It's not good advice, it's not even an advice, it's just a statement of what most people already do in the first place. Follow your desire and drink from the the bottom end of fleeting pleasures is the thing you want to get out of. I think everyone here on /dep/ has been doing nothing but following fleeting pleasures and desires and that's a huge part of the problem. I can sense you're giving this advice in good faith which is even more puzzling, it's like you've never read a single post of this board ever and you've been alive on this earth for a week or so to not understand how it feels like to have no purpose.

Now about your religious experience, I'm sure there are many places online you can talk about it but I agree with you IBs is not the place to do it. If that's something you want to harness you might want to look for people with an similar inclination.
And you just posted while I was typing this. If you converted, why you need to talk about it with us? People here are fucked. Aren't there monks or something like it in your church you can talk to?

Also, how is religious life for you? Do you study scripture and pray before you go to sleep? I never knew a religious person in my life but I really like the idea of being a monk or something like it.


>If you converted, why you need to talk about it with us?

No one needs to talk about anything in this thread it's all petty whining, including me. I don't have a church. I personally converted.
>People here are fucked
I don't believe any joy can be found in this life, only the next life. So I agree with wizards about being fucked.


>I personally converted.
To no denomination? It's like you found one extra way to be even more isolated than before. I thought a big part of Christianity was celebrating the faith with other Christians.


If my advice is bad what do you propose? Believe in a fake fairytale? Every wiz has their own choice on how they want to go in life, my choice is to say fuck it and indulge into what I like. If you want to do anything else otherwise go for it, not stopping you there, just remember you really don't need religion in order to be happy in your life.


>If my advice is bad what do you propose?

I'm not sure why you're laying the problems of this thread on me. I didn't come to conversion by an intellectual argument. Though, intellectually I was convinced.


Sorry if I sounded rude, because i'm curious on what to do with myself either. I guess you're right it does get boring but how do I cure my boredom? Religion isn't gonna help me and I don't know what else to do. Oh well probably gonna sleep again.


>but how do I cure my boredom?

I think you've mistaken religion if you believe it is about bringing you happiness in this life. I turn all my attention to the next life.


Birthday in a few days. I want to die. I hate having to look at my mom force herself to smile on my birthdays. I feel so bad. Please make it end soon.


Please can I die. I can't stand my mom's disappointment another year. It makes me so sad, and hurts so much. I cry so much. Take my life as payment. I haven't been able to sleep apart from pure exhaustion for the last week. I close my eyes and see terrible things.


i cant take it anymore as a genuinely low iq loser. i cant even find ways to entertain myself, my entire life is spent sitting infront of a glowing box browsing the same 3 websites over and over looking for that something. i dont even know what im looking for.


and you think "there's gotta be something out there that I like. there's like a million hobbies and specialties and communities" but nope you try every thing you can find and it's all dull. life is just dull. i really wish it weren't dull.

normalfags get mad at me because they think im trying to say im above everything but i want to be engaged.


In 2020 I spent a year inside basically watching porn and frying my brain on imageboards. I remember having a breakdown and taking a hammer to every screen in the house.

It took a good six weeks after that for normal things to start being enjoyable. That spark came back.

Of course, being a mentally ill nutcase, I'm back on here. But I remember, vividly, becoming enthralled with real life. Fishing, gardening, cooking, etc all became enjoyable again.


My brain is fried from PTSD. All I do now is drink and jerk off. I don't give a shit about any of my hobbies or passions anymore, I don't even care about the degree I'm working towards. I'm going to blow my brains out once I finish it, because I don't have the mental capacity to hold down a job and pay off my student loans.


I wish I had my own bedroom.


> if you whine you are depressed people tell you to find something you can get good at or something you enjoy

no what they really want is for you to shut up. there's no advice. it's just contempt for your feelings.


I stupidly majored in CS. Every day studying for this degree is pure suffering. It's a truly awful experience and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.


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I hate living. The experience of living itself. Breathing, eating, shitting, thinking (especially thinking). Having to do something to not die of boredom. Wish I could just sleep forever. I hope death is like a dreamless sleep.


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No lulz whatsoever.


Not supposed to be funny, supposed to be real feels. Put banana down. Get out jungle more.


thanks yugioh


I have a hard time identifying which part of sleeping is the fun part. Do you enjoy sleep while you are sleeping? Is it going to bed tired with no pressure to wake up early? Is it waking up and then going back to sleep? Is it waking up rested (if only)?


This is silly but at this point I am so burnt out from the crab behavior on imageboards that I appreciate something cheesy like this.


Wish I was taller so my ego was less bruised around the normans…


Birthday in a few days. Mom wants to take me to eat. I've been a mess and I don't want to go. I wouldn't want to go, anyway, because I can pay for my own food. I'm cautious of telling her I don't' want to go, because I think she'll get upset and turn it into something catastrophic; like I don't want to go because it's *her*. I just want to explain to her that I don't feel like going, nothing personal. But she's got to make everything about her.


no lulz troll harder.


I think you should go!


Depends on what your relationship is like. Do you have anything to talk about or will there be awkward silence? Will she ask you when you will marry and give her grandkids and throw a scene? If she's cool I would just go.


theres nothing


Will we finally have peace once we're dead?


Only if reincarnation doesn't exist. I'm scared that after death, another planet will have life and this shitty cycle will repeat itself all over again.


why does wikipedia say that depression can only happen once in your life?


kid why are you seething?


You know what's the worst part of depression?
It's the feeling of being trapped. You're in a terrible situation and you can't find a way to escape it. Years pass and you're still stuck in the same place, with the same problems, but everything is getting worse and you still haven't figured out anything. It's horrible.


It's really true that the world moves on without you. I've been depressed and lonely in my teens and things still haven't changed for me cause i'm still fucking depressed and lonely. Time moves so fast, the only thing you can do now is change your environment and do new things at this point.


Somewhat related, but I just feel so restrained in every aspect of my life. I was fucking lied to and conditioned and became some mindless rule-following automaton. It’s disgusting. And it’s entrenched in my psyche. I cannot bear to go out and do things without someone’s express permission. I’m always waiting on someone else. I can’t show interest in things that I know are “unpopular” publicly. I am so afraid of being myself. And I’m tired of it. I want to scream from the fucking roof tops. I want to plaster my car with those stupid anime stickers. I wanna wear a fursuit in public. I want to go shop luring. I want to spend a stupid amount of money on a hot tub or going by myself on vacation.


how do i deal with tiredness? im so tired i cant even brush my own teeth. i cannot get out of bed.


I know exactly what you mean. My dad was a very controlling (and often violently angry) parent who broke me down and taught me how to be timid, obedient, and self-loathing. I've been working for well-over a decade to change myself for the better, and although I have made some small progress there are certain barriers that I have never been able to cross, like mental chains that can't be broken. I can't find help anywhere because no one cares, but it has become evident that I can't do this on my own either. I'm just stuck waiting for some substantial change to my life or the world around me, but it doesn't seem like that's happening anytime soon. So here I stay, trapped and alone, dreaming of an escape.


My parents are strict religious parents that never let me go out as much or make friends. Mostly my dad but my mom can be annoying aswell, my father wouldn't let anyone come over to hangout with me and always wants me to work and do school work. I always try to talk to him but he shows no emotions and only cares about survival and my mother doesn't have much advice to give. I fucking hate religion and having boomer parents, it's such a pain and I wanna be free and express myself but barely have the funds to do so.


All you can do is brute force it. Play music loudly in public. Do something on a whim. Embarrass yourself. Do something that feels wrong. Keep hitting yourself against the mental wall until it breaks or you do. It’s the only way I know.


every day i drift a little closer to death but i can't find the courage


Everything just feels wrong constantly and I can't bring myself to be in a state of mind where I feel as if things are getting progressively better for me, it's as if every time I find myself in a situation that might be promising and mean something positive towards me and my life I can't shake the feeling of it simply being an illusion rather than something actually real and there being even a slight chance of things getting better for me. I keep imagining scenarios in my head constantly and expecting things to turn bad eventually or as if I'm tricking myself into thinking that I might ever find some form of happiness in my life and stability, I've faced issues in my life for a long period of time of many different types and it just feels like I'm no longer the same person I used to be. I cannot for the life of me ever seriously take into consideration there being even as much as a slight chance for my life to become better in any way and I for the longest time abandoned all hope of things improving to me, every single time I feel like things might be getting better I keep thinking about situations in my head where I am being tricked in some shape or form into believing that I am actually witnessing an improvement to my life.
It's like I've suffered for so long and now I have become unable to actually live a care-free and happy life, I keep shifting from a constant state of disbelief of this possibility actually being real, and things that might go wrong in my head have already gone wrong and I expect the absolute worst from everyone at all times. I just can't be happy, I worry about meaningless things and amplify potential things that might go wrong in a way that is so great that it makes me suffer even when I should have been happy. It's a steady and constant feeling of suffering and suspicion towards everyone and everything around me, as if there is no soul on this earth that might actually want to help me or want positive things to happen to me, as if everyone around me might be plotting against me in some way and even the people closest to me I have a difficult time relating and connecting with.
I feel alone in this world and have for some time, I can't trust anyone with anything and it's like I have a barrier around me in which I can't bring myself to actually open up to people completely even when trying to, my mind quite literally assumes things in a way that I can't even figure out how it happens but I've assumed something that was clearly not true in the past and I've come to realize now that it is some form of defense mechanism which I've built up slowly and steadily overtime so that I never find myself in a situation again where I might get hurt. I'm not even trying to say that I put effort into distancing myself from people, my brain actually subconsciously has assumed something that is clearly not true in the past so that I avoid getting hurt.
I'm not even saying that I consciously separated and made excuses up in my head, you really don't understand here, my brain quite literally subconsciously assumed something that was not real and I actually believed it for a period of time, I can't stress enough that this was literally a product of my subconscious manifesting itself into my conscious thinking so that I protect myself from suffering. It was surreal, and even typing this out right now feels weird because previously I was depressed for a long time and despite trying my best to entertain myself and keep my spirits up by any means it clearly has eaten up my entire state of being in life, I can't even begin to believe that some of these things have affected me not only consciously where I felt sad but part of me is literally gone and I can't get it back, it has eaten up part of my subconscious brain as well as my regular state of thinking. I've been trying to play around the fact that some of these situations didn't affect me as deeply as it really has but this subconscious defense mechanism that has shown itself recently clearly has made my mind up that I've suffered deeply and rigorously for an amount of time that felt like forever and has changed the very way that I think likely permanently.
After I've experienced this defense mechanism and thought about it recently I've had to admit that the issues I had in my childhood completely changed my brain overtime and despite not wanting to admit it, it simply is what happened and I have to because otherwise I wouldn't be truthful towards myself. I'm referring to the ability to connect with people in a normal way, I just cannot anymore due to some of the problems I've had that apparently scarred me in a way that I can't even begin to understand but it feels like my existence is made out of suffering in ways every single day that are new and that I previously thought were impossible.
It's like I thought at one point in time that things couldn't possibly get any worse but there are a million different ways to suffer and I'm starting to experience them now, but at the end of the day it is my own fault for expecting anything different than that. I just wish things weren't as horrible as they are and it's as if I'm being punished just by existing without any real reason behind it. It can sound like some concept of feeling as if you're being plotted against and unreasonable paranoia, but if you had lived the life I've lived you'd realize that it is actually a sound way of thinking given the circumstances I've found myself in during my life so far.


I hate being sober.


Even if I were a billionaire, I'd still be unhappy.


when I fantasize about moving to a far away city or becoming homeless in order to get away from my family forever never having to see them again in my life the constant pressure around my temples disappears


You can come live with me, but you have to pay half the rent and utilities.


How so? You wouldn't have to wageslave ever and never worry about starving to death.


you should look for a boyfriend somewhere else


Me too i LDARmaxx with anime or comics, i cant even get the energy to play games. Hoping for bux


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Had my last chemo infusion. My stomach hurts


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Hope you feel better man.


Thanks anon
To better days, right? Relapse is still possible. I feel dirty defaulting to the most pessimistic outlook, but it hasn't failed me so far.


I wish I was dead


whats the point


There isn't, have fun!


Should i cut out my brothers friend? Couple of days ago we were hanging out and in his drunken/high stupor he joked on me being academic failure. I did finish college but I'm struggling to use my degree. This is an issue i take close to my heart and it did cut quite deep. I was a good student and then depression/anxiety messed me up.
So should i keep a distance from this guy or what, he always respected my odd/wizardly ways but he revealed himself once the alcohol took effect. I'm deeply disappointed.
As for why i occasionally hang out with my brothers friends? One reason is that they respect me out of respect for my brother, the other is I'm still human and want irl contact from time to time. I hope i don't offend anyone by this in here.
Inb4 not a truwiz bpa bla idc


What did you study?


Please tell us more about your social activities.


I want to die.


My life is terrible.


I have so much anger of being a wageslave. Is this it? I curse God everyday even though i don't believe in its existence. Fuck God. Fuck Morals. Money opens the path to freedom anything else is cope. If i had enough money i would become one of those be positive guys. I would exercise. I would work on myself. I would escape into whatever fiction worlds i love. I would be a archwizardmage hidden in his pocketdimension studying the arcane. But no, on monday i gotta sell my soul/ass to corporate archons. Fuck you demiurge, piece of shit. I hope death is the end, i don't wanna loop this existence ever again.


Wake up > work > drive home > sleep
This has got to be a joke.


I'm starting to just lay in bed when I'm not working. A 30 year old man laying in bed at 12 pm is a sorry sight, I admit, but I'm done trying to fritter away time, pretending I care. I'm done


It's funny, they really did find a new god after god's death. It's money, Money is the new god and answers to your problems. Without money you cannot access the most basic of resources, prayers won't put food on the table or treat your illnesses.


I will never take my place in the world. I know this and it causes me a lot of suffering.
It's like I'm not oriented properly, which forces me to live contrary to my nature, which causes my life to be a horrible nightmare.


>Have been showing heavy symptoms of essenetial tremor or parkinsons disease for years.

I'll never forgive my parents for concieving me. I hate living with the fact that I'll always be a comeplete dysgenic mess and there's nothing I can do to change any of it. All I wish for is to be physically and mentally normal (without being stuck within the normgroid hive-like mindset of course) but thats too much to ask for in this life.


Christ, I fucking hate "living". Why am I still here? Why haven't I hanged myself yet?


Today I didn't do anything. Just slept all day. There's absolutely nothing interesting to do.


The dangers of worshiping money and other such things are even in the old testamet. I reckon you'd find it a corrupting force in damn near any culture, regardless of its historical religious tendencies.

Although it sounds like you might be tipping in to a discussion of currencies in general, since systems of barter, fuedalism, or whatever else can also be used to put food on the table when there isn't a lot of money (or even currency) passing hands so easily like in today's world.


I don’t like being alive :)


I don't either. What kind of god bound us so cruelly to these bodily shells that we can't even voluntarily escape without the use of violence. god is a beast. I want to go home.


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I had one of the moments again where I wondered how I managed to make it till 30 without learning a single skill.

Then I felt overwhelmed just doing anything that is not sitting at the computer browsing.

Even making simple scrambled eggs felt like effort. Watched what was called a simple recipe and felt overwhelmed by the steps and the stuff I need to buy first because I lack basic kitchen tools from years of pre-made food.

I'm kinda hoping that running out of things to distract myself with will finally get me to do something but I still managed to waste HOURS playing a shitty game I hate and reading brainrot inducing posts on imageboards.

No wonder I got nowhere when everything feels this exhausting. And of course any advice like meditate, work out, take 100 different supplements is also too exhausting for me to follow.


I don't even play video games. I wish I could waste time like that.


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Im really considering upping-up my disability fraud and welfare bux scheme
I already disab.bux + leech off parents, but I crave MORE! Im trying to get political connections, starting smallt-town, to receive (((benefits))) or such. Taxation is an enemy to defeat! besides that, being an itinerant herbalist seems like my best bet.
free inter-provincial public transport is a huge plus.


The past year I have gone full schizo, this on top me being near-suicidal. I hear voices of demons taunting me. They also visit in my dreams. I've also had a vision of some good supernatural being. God or an angel maybe. I don't go to a psychiatrist because in my country it's very easy to get institutionalised against your will for mental illness. I don't believe that death is the end anymore, there is some kind of afterlife. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. There are supernatural beings out there wizfriends.


I don't play video games but _the same_ 2 games I hate but got into a habit of playing since they require no time commitment or learning new mechanics or reading dialogue or sitting through cut scenes

I actually got quite the backlog that I have yet to finish.

Wasting time is no fun when you are procrastinating something and a loser with no job or skills.


Wizzie i read that untreated schizophrenia is no good, are you sure you can't get help
Please consider it again


I don't care. Nothing is going to get better. I shouldn't need to work this hard just to be half halfway normal. I give up. No more waking up at 5am to study. No more studying after work, half dead with worry and fatigue. I give up.


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I don't really have any trouble focussing or doing boring things once I set my mind to something. It's rather a kind of a FOMO and a lack of passion I have, where I can't pick anything to specialize in, to get really good at.
Good point about not being able to do many things alone.


The afterlife and supernatural are cope. Life is both boring and shitty as it is. I’d welcome something to put an end to this charade.


I always thought calling something "cope" was stupid. It's stupid 4chan lingo like Autist, sneed, whatever else that just gets mindlessly repeated.


The living are deaf.


Never thought I'd find one of my countrymen here. Greetings from the South.


Woke up for another day of suffering.


Had to venture forth into the outside as a hikki today.
Dreaded it for a long time.

Had to prostrate myself before my new GP and be as pathetic as possible basically for highest possible chance of referral to a shrink.
I feel pathetic and awful. It was really uncomfortable. Talking about having taken to the bottle on the job a bunch of years ago, etc.
Just all kind of personal and humiliating shit.

Oh well. Could have gone a lot worse, I suppose. I'm very relieved to have gotten it over with at least.


Time to get our asses up and form a dream-team to kill demiurgus. The guys goes really insane, I hate him so fucking much!


How do normies have so much to talk about?


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How do you burn up 16 hours of conscious experience every day for the rest of your life?

I can't express how much pressure I feel in the present moment. To say too much is to look like a whiney pseudo-philosopher. Say too little and it's all lost. Fucking ffgfuck


Maybe they're happy, so they're compelled to. Or, they think it's worth doing. If I were happy, I'd love to talk to people. But I'm not, so I dont.


I think doing nothing might be the ultimate infraction. Everything in the world has it's little role, to reject this is to reject all possible potential realities and functions, accruing stacks of negative not-living life debt, with which life rejects you.


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How is there something so wrong with me where I ended up wasting years of my life doing nothing?

Drug addicts at least made some kind of social experiences and have something to blame that people can understand.

Video game/Movie/tv show addicts at least gained some experience/knowledge in that area.

Meanwhile I browsed imageboards and kept playing the same handful of games and rewatching the same handful of tv shows. Doing shit like watching car reviews when I don't have a license or money for a car is just such a ridiculously braindead waste of time. Or watching an entire food recipe but not cooking it ever.

Every time I explain this to people they understandably dont get it.


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I don't really care about wasting my life anymore. I don't even know what I should do with my life and i'm not motivated or care about doing anything. I feel like i'll regret it when i'm older but my excuse seems valid because what can I do if I don't want to do fucking anything? Everything seems so boring and annoying.


>Video game/Movie/tv show addicts at least gained some experience/knowledge in that area.
>Meanwhile I browsed imageboards and kept playing the same handful of games and rewatching the same handful of tv shows. Doing shit like watching car reviews when I don't have a license or money for a car is just such a ridiculously braindead waste of time. Or watching an entire food recipe but not cooking it ever.

Don't you see how you contradict yourself?
Didn't you "at least gain some experience/knowledge" in those other areas? How does movies, games, and TV shows count, but not 'internet culture/everything misc', car shit, and cooking?


Like I said I just kept doing the same shit out of fear of having to open myself to a new unfamiliar experience that might be challenging or turn out bad. In the time I entertained myself with the same 3 video games and tv shows I could have played like 100+ different ones. Watching videos about stuff I don't actually do made me forget everything quickly since I don't apply the knowledge and don't have a photographic memory.


fuck that. people have been locked up for believing in conspiracy theories in my country. this isn't america
cope? how does the existence of god and demons make your life less shitty? In fact it makes it worse in my view. "the pain will stop after you die with eternal non-existence" is the real cope in my view


Haven’t you ever heard the phrase, “religion is the opium of the masses”? This is true for many reasons. Religion has been used for centuries as a tool of control by the ruling parties to pacify the masses. This is definitely not a bad thing, as it served as a system which gave order to the chaos that was the brutal life back then. Believing in some sort of all loving entity who would watch over you is more or less just gaslighting yourself into thinking “someone” cares. That there is some kind of justice in the world instead of the purely unfair horseshit that goes on.

Once again, I’m not saying this is a bad thing. It’s given a great sense of peace to many lives, but that doesn’t discount the fact that it’s still “cope”. It’s still an opiate that will distract you from your problems.

I’m not really looking to debate this, but my personal opinion is that I find it difficult to believe god exists given everything that goes on the world without a single shred of intervention. I don’t see any proof of karma or divine order, just mankind creating their own evils in greater and greater quantity. It seems likely to me that it’s lights out after death, we just seem like entirely unimportant animals with overly tuned consciousness.



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