No.270720
I posted in the last thread that I'd been pretty much doing nothing but sleeping. I think I'm gonna stop doing that now. I had one of the most intense dreams I've ever had. I think I saw what my actual soul looks like, my deepest essence. The things I saw were so beautiful unlike anything real. But it was terrifying at the end. It's hard to describe but it was so realistic, vivid, and felt like a very long time passed. I started wondering where I was and how I got there. Then my body tried to jolt awake, but it was like my soul was still tethered in that realm. Ended up in this weird semi awake state where I couldn't move, felt like my mind and soul being torn apart I was screaming very loud for help. I've had sleep paralysis my whole life but this was definitely in top 3 experiences.
No.270730
>>270720Life would so much simple if we could just sleep, wake up for a few minutes after 10 hours or 10 years to remember we're still conscious beings and then go back to sleep again.
No.270732
This world is fucking pathetic.
No.270733
So I have some Monero.
Do I just basically get fentanyl off the darknet, then snort the fentanyl?
Will this kill me? Will I also be high as fuck?
No.270735
>>270720I've had somewhat of a similar dream where I found myself in an all white space and felt that I was being swallowed into this all white space. It was strangely peaceful which felt wrong so I instinctively panicked thinking I would die. I struggled with all my might to break free, I awoke and saw a brilliant orange in my minds eye.
I'm not sure why would would choose to stop sleeping as much as you had been. I want a dream like that again.
No.270739
Just kill me.
No.270740
I just want to get entertain, thats what get me out of the depression. now that im banned from 4chan, the only thing i can do is post here its fucking slow holy shit how could this website be still alive?!
No.270804
>>270716I am back being a neet after I working for about a year, working was tiresome and annoying but at least every day I woken up feeling angry at the world meanwhile now that I am back neeting I can only feel apathy and depression
No.270849
Anxiety attacks are killing me, I can barely do anything without having constant fear of doing something wrong or that someone is spying on me.
They are getting so bad that I struggle to leave my room
No.270854
After spending time away from people and information about the goings on of the world, the world looks even shittier when you look at it lol. Amazing.
No.270857
Can't believe I'll have to keep up with this shit for 60+ years
I need to kill myself
No.270858
>>270857Exit bag is painless, cheap, hard to revive, effective means of suicide.
No.270862
Going to the nearest river to drown myself. Goodbye, /dep/
No.270868
>>2708671) Man fears what he doesn't understand
2) Normal fags have an entire ideology, personality, and asperational system handed down them from large, only needing to tweak a few things and they assume all are like this. They will be astonished anytime someone does something that the majority don't see as a part of their life goal, and intentionally forgoes what they see to be crucial to their development and identity.
3) Sex based puritanism where succubi's desires must be repressed and concealed to stave off negative consequences (succubi will raise a bastard, but less men will – society sees it self as needing the 2-or-more-parenting-figures ideal because the less people that love and care for children, the more likely they realise we live in a nazified prison.)
No.270871
I'm going to start drinking liquor again. Fuck this world.
No.270872
>>270871Based I relapsed on liquor a month ago and got a gallon in my freezer
No.270874
>>270872Yeah I used to drink a ton of
Luksusowa vodka. I stopped because liquor straight up made me not care about participating in life. I would skip work, not because I was hungover, but because I didn't give a fuck about it. I'm done with trying.
No.270880
>>270868> negative consequencesthe negative consequences of succubi having free sexual choice are more along the lines of few men will find a mate and will become violent. it's a well reproduced finding that polgynous societies are violent shitholes, look at the middle east and africa.
No.270883
I have that feeling we get when we leave the house and feel we have forgotten something but can't remember what.
It is a constant feeling that distracts me and renders me unable to enjoy anything fully.
I get the impulse to walk around to search for it or open and close something as if I will find what I am looking for, I search within myself but find nothing, I ask God and receive only silence. I feel that upon dying I might see behind the curtain and find what it was I was looking for, there is only one thing left to do.
No.270884
>>270874I got like that during my drinking days too. Glad you quit
No.270890
>father is home
>he blasts the news and sportsball on TV loudly while simultaneously using his phone to mindlessly scroll through the most asinine garbage videos on facebook, at full volume
>father is away
>now brother blasts his shitty gen Z mumble rap wigger music while singing along to it like a faggot
i don't know which is worse
No.270891
>>270890Why cant you just fritter your time away like them?
No.270894
>>270891i am, but it's difficult to immerse yourself into a video game or a movie when you have all of this racket going on in the background
No.270897
>>270894IEM and active noise canceling. But I sympathize. I walked a lot more when I dealt with that.
No.270906
>>270871>>270872Alcohol is the nectar of the gods. All you have to do is be moderate. It can make life so much more fun and interesting.
>>270874Drinking some vodka right now. Hope you start drinking again, wiz. I drink to you too.
>>270845>become a closet atheist and even keep giving some donations to the church because the building and statues are so beatifulI'm quite sure that's how most religious people are too.
Have you considered other religions or spiritualism? I consider myself a pagan and it works fine for me. I can serve multiple gods at once and there is no fixed dogma or commands. I make up things as I go along.
No.270907
>>270906>so much more fun and interesting.The fun felt on alcohol isn't a
real fun, it's a cringe larpy fun
No.270914
Currently drunk in my room. Long weekend. I'll fill it with vodka.
No.270916
>>270907>cringe and larpy in one utterly pointless expressionZoomer detected. This is for 30 + years olds only.
No.270918
>>270916I completely agree
No.270919
Weed is so much better than alcohol tho.
No.270920
>>270919true, but it's not like they are mutually exclusive.
No.270932
Kek I went through 3/4 of a 750 of vodka in a night. I haven't had liquor in 3 years after swearing it off. I ate a good meal and drank water so I feel ok this morning.
No.270938
It doesnt get better, it only ever gets worse and at some point you wonder why you didnt kill yourself when it first came up to you.
No.270940
have you guys ever listened to opera? I have never listened but recently I learned of nessun dorma. It made me cry and i feel embarrassed because it it. it wasn't a self pity cry like in the sad loser uni days, but one where i still felt conscious and rebuked myself for being a big baby. I couldn't stop until I turned away and listened to something else.
this isn't normal right.
No.270944
>>270940It's normal to cry, you can ask yourself "this isn't normal right?" when you no longer have feelings.
No.270945
>>270940I went and saw the tristan project.
No.270948
>>270940Yes I like opera, my favorite is Porgy and Bess. I just listened to Treemonisha and Thus Spoke Zarathustra
No.270957
>>270940Nietzsche was addicted to Carmen
No.270971
My mom still gets upset with my drinking. I'm 30, and have a job. I contribute to the house. I do drink every day, but I'm not loud or aggressive. I drink alone, and go to sleep. I don't even bother her why is she so upset about it lol
No.270975
>>270957yeah and he died due to being a weird normalfaggot sex haver dont mention the bearded faggot
No.270976
>>270975He had sex? I did hear he used to go to brothels but he never had a chance with a succubus he wanted to be with and died alone with her nazi like sister. Overtime Hitler even grew to like Nietzsche work and boom all hell went loose kek.
No.270978
I am not interested in engaging with this stupid fucking world.
No.270985
>>270716Fuck whoever was calling me nuts for panicking when someone revealed they tracked down my address by sending a “gift”. They showed up banging on my door yesterday and wouldn’t leave until the police made them.
And fuck whatever piece of shit let someone they didn’t know in the building. What the fuck is the point of living somewhere with security when it’s full of retards that will buzz randoms in?
No.270989
>>270907It feels real to me and that's all that counts. What would be real fun according to you or others? Doing something social with others or chasing succubi?
>>270919Weed is for normals if you live in a country where it's illegal to get. I mean, you need to have some kind of connection and social life to know who would sell you some of that stuff, no? Meanwhile alcohol is legal pretty much everywhere except for some muslim hellholes.
>>270932Yes, the key to avoid hangovers is:
- drink with moderation obviously
- make sure you eat both before drinking and after drinking
- drink water after drinking alcohol
I like mixing vodka or rum with tea or some juices. It gets you in the right mood quickly without having to drink a large amount of it, like in the case of beer or wine.
>>270940Tried it a couple of times, not my favorite and never will be most likely. I like some purely instrumental type classic music sometimes but overall I'm not an intellectual so I prefer music that's not so boring. It's just like how I read classic books from time to time, like Victor Hugo and such but I can mostly appreciate modern stuff like books written in the 20th century and onward. I also tend to avoid drama and poems if I can. I don't like the theatrical and pretentious style, if you can express something in a few words why overplay it? Yeah, I'm not into that kind of art, I prefer prose.
Talking about music, to calm my autism I'm listening to different variations and pitches and slowdowns of the San Andreas theme. Been doing this for a week now.
>>270971I'm in the same situation except that I'm a NEET and I only drink every two weeks or so. My theory is that our mothers and in my case my sister too don't want us to grow up. They want us to be their little kids always. Drinking alone is something that's alien to females. Succs drink in parties and such but they don't understand why anyone would want to drink alone. They don't understand how hard life can be for people like us.
That or they just don't want us to become alcoholics. Where I live, it's a tradition for divorced males and single males to end up as alcoholics so maybe that's it.
>>270976> I did hear he used to go to brothelsYes and why do you think people go to those places? There are some Nietzsche stories about he played the piano in the brothel while the other males were having fun but that's only one story. That doesn't mean he never paid a whore in his entire life. He died from STD ultimately so yeah, he definitely had sex, probably with more than one whores.
He tried to marry Lou Salome but he was rejected, on a side note.
No.270992
I wake up and stay lying in bed for hours till it's time to sleep again. I don't have the will to do anything.
No.270997
Having to be awake for like 16 hours a day is way too much. After a couple hours, my dopamine is already drained for the day. Then I keep waking up after like 6 hours and can't go back to sleep
No.270999
The only jobs I can get are jobs which almost nobody wants due to being both demanding and low paid positions, and then I get treated like garbage anyway. People shit on other people who have low status jobs just as much as they shit on NEETs, it makes no difference. If there's lots of people around in a work place, at least one is going to try peacocking and find some fault with what I'm doing to show off.
No.271016
mother brought a cat now everything smell like cat food and cat shit. I think owning animals is wrong, it's humiliating both for the pet and owner. There is something very narcissistic about it. The human likes that the helpless animal relies on it for food and they love talking about their pets and showing them to others.
No.271033
>>270989I don't really drink anymore but I used to be a borderline alcoholic getting blackout drunk every 8-15 days. I think you're a intellectual Anon, you're certainly smarter than me.
No.271036
>>271032Life has become totally surreal for me. I keep expecting to wake up and have to get dressed for class or something. Like I'm going to open my eyes and be in middle school again somehow. I haven't been to school in 2 decades.
No.271039
>>271032Fantasizing about what if scenarios is poison. Hope is poison. Delusion is poison. Dreams are poison. On this topic I agree with buddhists. Concentrate on the here and now. If you are fantasizing then don't do it with yourself but daydream about video games or other entertainment you consumed. Always make a clear line between reality and fantasy.
Try to accept your fate and circumstances. You can't fight against your fate, real life isn't some anime. Try to feel good in your skin. As a min wage job druggie loser dropout. It's your life, you know why things went the way they did for you and why you made the decisions you did.
>>271033Getting blackout drunk sucks. It kind of defeats the purpose of drinking, which is to feel good. Well, I hope you get back to alcohol with moderation, wizza. It's not a bad thing if you handle it carefully. It can brighten your days considerably. After all, what else is left for us to do but to try to enjoy our days to the max? Carpe diem and all that.
No.271050
>>270989So Nietzsche was just a horny failed normalfaggot who failed to marry a succubus he loved and died of STDS while going insane? God why does life have to always sound so underwhelming and disappointing. His work sounds pretty good, just hated how he ended up later in life.
No.271055
Why didn't the demiurge allow us to realize all which our fantasy is capable of just by thinking of it? Like superpowers and such. He gave us consciousness and mental abilities to show us how insufferable incapable and powerless we are.
No.271057
>>271055Because his peers the Archrons feed on negative sentient vibes
No.271129
>>271050>So Nietzsche was just a horny failed normalfaggot who failed to marry a succubus he loved and died of STDS while going insane?I mean if you want to view it through the lens of wizchan post-2014 I guess?
I find it grating that normalfags, particularly celebrities, who quote and/or have pieces of art by people who, if they were alive they wouldn't give the time of day to.
No.271130
My glasses broke and I can't see clearly past 30cm from my face. I hate having to rely on a flimsy object to participate in the world.
No.271139
>Driving home
>Having chuddy thoughts of anger, wanting to hurt people, etc
>usual hating self
>See little rat thing on the road
>It's not getting out of the way
>Stop, get out to flick it off the road
>It's a tiny baby bunny
>It's overheating on the pavement and is just limping along
>scoop him up to move him off the road
>next minute he's in the van with me, just lying hurt in the passenger seat
>call him a lucky fuck, and tell him he's getting evicted as soon as he's healthy and strong
>find he's covered in scars, I figure a cat has dragged him from his nest
>get all protective of him, make him a little bed in a shoebox with a shallow dish of water
>manually make him piss like the guides online said by stroking his belly
>give him leafy greens, hay and a bit of carrot
>heat up milk and then start trying to nurse him with an eyedrop syringe, but he was too sore to even suckle on it.
>he's just lying there hurt most of the time, sometimes he'll spring into action and run around, but 98% of the time he'll just lie there
>next morning he's crying for his mommy
>Take him into the vet, the succubi were all awwwwww
>they see him and immediately know he's too far gone, but take him in
>tell me he has head trauma and has to be euthanized.
I have so much paternal instincts and I didn't even realize it. I'm still lowkey hurt about it.
No.271140
>>271139Chuds are not full of anger, but love. They always strike out because of a perceived threat to society, and whenever they do strike they demonstrate an obsession with various injustices they perceived on the news and such (like murder of children by immigrants).
You're just feeling impotent because of mass societal demoralization.
No.271145
>>271140Pretty sure they’re just internet retards
No.271153
>>271130I can't see clearly past 6 in. I've been thinking about getting lasik surgery but my eyesight usually gets a bit worse every year or two. I want to wait until it stabilizes before I try getting rid of my glasses once and for all.
No.271154
>>271139Almost stopped reading thinking you were going to run it over. That's very nice of you, always remember that bunny, always remember your empathy, don't let the world crush it. Hang in there anon.
No.271178
I want an apology from my mom for having me.
No.271222
I feel like an artist imprisoned in another's painting
No.271226
>>271222How does it feel to be an artist?
No.271229
Drank a pint of 100 proof vodka last night. At work right now. This is brutal as fuck.
No.271243
>someone offers me something for free
>say no
>thing actually would have been beneficial to me
Every time. Why am I like this?
No.271244
>>271032my life is nothing but one big regret
No.271247
I was very productive today. Then I had an argument over the phone with my mom and I cried afterwards when my grandma asked me what happened.
Literally cracked open a cold one to relax and unwind after running errands all day and now I feel like shit again. I'm just not allowed to be at peace with myself.
No.271248
>>271243you don't want to feel like you owe them something
No.271260
Cursed a guy out this morning. I was on my way to work, heavy traffic. Cars everywhere. He honked at me while I was at a yield sign, trying to force me to drive into a perpendicular street with backed up cars. I put my car in park, got out and stared at him in his car. I yelled at him to wait his god damned turn. Asked if he wanted me to drive into the cars, didn't he see the fucking traffic. He didn't honk again or say anything. It felt so good. I'm not a badass, but as I get older I can tolerate less and less of this shit. I was just trying to fucking get to work jesue
No.271262
>>271261I saw red for a minute or two. I'm typically pretty disinterested in asserting myself, but I cannot tolerate being picked on. Recently, in the past two years, I've learned that people tend to back down if you're aggressive with them. I have few stories like this. It probably helps that I'm pretty tall.
I was at a gas station a few months ago, and there was nobody at the register to check people out. They were busy in the back doing something.
I wasn't standing directly in front of the register, because there was nobody there, and I didn't want to pressure the employees to help me. Who cares. I'll wait an extra minute while they finish up.
Some guy behind me drew my attention, and told me that I "needed" to move up to the register and I pointed out the him that I fucking didn't "need" to because THERE WAS NOBODY AVAILABLE TO HELP. THERE WAS NOBODY UP THERE. I asked him didn't he see that there was NOBODY THERE BECUAUSE THEY WERE BUSY. He just kind of went "umm oh okay". What was I supposed to do, make them have time to check me out? Demand their attention? Fucks sake leave me the fuck alone.
Stupid bitches instigate altercations and then clam up like pussies when you respond.
No.271263
>>271260My hobby is driving around and yelling at people to kill themselves. I've gotten in chases and stuff so I stopped telling other drivers to shoot themselves in the head, I keep it to pedestrians. It's fun!
No.271266
>>271260If you did that in burgerland you'd probably get shot. Family member of mine yelled at someone in an adjacent car and the dude pulled out a gun and started screaming.
No.271272
I'm feeling negatively feelings strongly
No.271275
>>271266I'm not surprised. A large chunk of the US population is severely mentally ill yet they aren't institutionalized, they're forced to fend for themselves in the private market.
Probably the same reason why USA has more school shootings and mall shootings per year than the rest of the world combined several times over.
The population on average is severely ill and deeply hates each other.
The lovely result of unlimited liberal free markets.
No.271276
>>271275I'd say it's rampant multiculturalism, drugs, and materialism. Well, same thing as liberal free markets in retrospect.
No.271278
>>271262Learning to be reactively aggressive is useful. When I'm not weak and depressed I respond to other drivers aggression with aggression, most human communication is just emotions there's no content to it.
No.271293
>>271289Spiritually it doesn't matter as long as you give your best and as long as you put in honest effort.
No.271300
>>271289I think there are different kinds of dysfuntional retards. When I practiced a radical poverty and disattachment to possessions I was still diysfunctional but happier.
No.271302
>>271289>The billionaire who decides to become a monk after his daughter dies in her sports car will achieve more than retarded fuckup niggahs trying for years.and you base that on????
No.271303
Shitty day at work. Got chewed out by a doctor because a failover I had no idea about didn't work. Time to drink alone until I fall asleep. Like always.
No.271304
I took the day off and i dont even have the energy to clean or do laundry
No.271306
>>271016i agree i think owning pets is immoral. rescues or feeding wild animals is fine but should be illegal to sell animals
No.271312
I want to quit my job. I have enough support and money to live. My boss pissed me off today. Chewed me out, even though I volunteered to drive somewhere and fix an issue. Although, I raised my voice and told him that he was being innapropriate. I was the only one who volunteered. I worked 2 hours past quitting time. When things stared looking up he apologized to me. Makes me sick, he's just like everyone else. If I quit I'd really hurt the company. Just want to spite that fag
No.271348
>>271289> We just the human trash dawgYep literal human trash here. Inferior at everything and 80 iq brainlet even.
No.271353
theres actions that you do to avoid suffering. like drinking water, eating, tending to hygiene just enough so that you dont feel bad
people have diverse needs, a child needs a specific toy or else the child feels excluded or left out, therefore suffers
then theres people who praise surplus actions, actions that dont directly work against suffering, but that are seen as necessary anyways
they have to convince people that these actions are necessary
and this is how social pressures are formed - people with retarded ideals create new needs
i propose a new philosophy: surplus action rejectionism
in the philosophy, you see the act of touting surplus actions as a source of suffering in itself, and therefore as something that you have to combat
t. surplus action touter
No.271378
>>271262you seem insecure if a honk made you that angry. just fucking ignore the loser or maybe flip him off at most. getting out of your car is just crazy and you could get shot doing that anyway
No.271387
>>271378He was trying to make me scared and lurch into traffic and I'm "insecure" for calling him out. Dude just fuck off. I was just trying to get to work.
No.271439
I turned 25 this week and I have literally nothing to show for it except for a pile of trash in the basement I live in. I'm the same person I was when I was 15 and when I was 5. I can feel my brain rotting in my fucking skull as the time passes, I can't recognize my own face/body in the mirror and I don't know why. I spend literally the entire day daydreaming about being another person but recently what once we're vivid dreams now are like TV static in my head because I can't even imagine myself being happy, I can't imagine myself doing anything with my life but waste it. I don't know what to do anymore because I always thought I'd be dead by the time I turned 20. I'm just going through life on autopilot waiting to die. I'm not even in control of my own body. Fuck it
No.271462
how often have wizards ghosted someone irl / gave someone irl the cold sholder
i did it 3 times in my life against very annoying people, and it was always effective
however, i could see in their reaction to it that they were questioning their worth as a human being afterwards
so im probably reaping bad karma
i wonder if theres a way of rejecting annoying people without the existential crisis they go through
No.271463
>>271387you're insecure i used to be there years ago.
No.271464
>>271462I ghosted people and I never regretted it because they treated me like shit, you gotta be more confident in your decisions, it's not your fault if they are annoying or otherwise toxic and it only hurts their self worth because they are self-centered retards who can't possibly understand why you don't think that they are such great people
No.271466
>>271462 never irl but i did it many times on the internet
i can't wait to ghost my family, i trully cannot, i hate them so deeply
No.271467
>>271462Ghosting is a major theme in my life. Social interaction makes me extremely uncomfortable and, unfortunately, many people have found me likable (and many unlikable as well). When people give me their phone numbers or visit it usually sends me into a death spiral. There was one point when an older lady started helping me quite a lot (she happened to know about a past suicide attempt) and would regularly pick me up and made plans for the future to– I suppose– inspire me, but it led paradoxically to an intense dread at all hours of the day. I attempted suicide in earnest to escape from the prospect of seeing her. I survived, and I have made sure never to speak with her again. It makes me feel terrible because I cared about her. For some reason I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of someone caring about me, and thus I typically attempt an escape.
Whenever a social situation is inescapable, as in the case of familial interaction, I (mostly unconsciously) put on a persona; in some way, this persona forms an ablative protection against social interaction, although I do not have much insight into the matter. The personas allow me to far more easily interact, although "maintaining" them is an excruciating task that eventually gets to the point that I have a constant feeling of impending doom. This leads, of course, back to ghosting people. My impulse to ghost is so strong that being around family is a horrifying undertaking and at all times I wish to be parted from them. That doesn't mean I don't care about them or anyone else, I care very deeply, I just want to ghost them.
No.271470
>>271439whatever man, you should aknowledge that all life is worthless, even the greatest of accomplishments are going to get buried my time and dust, the greatest of inventions and the most impressive of wealth, sure those things may yield great pleasure in the moment but ultimately they get swept off the face of this reality, maybe this fact will make you feel better, maybe it will not
No.271471
>>271462There's nothing that makes a normalfag seethe more than being ignored. I've done it so much.
Basically I don't really feel compelled to talk to people I don't like. I don't know why I have to? If you're a shitty person I'm happy to just politely keep my distance.
No.271473
I lighlty slapped my aunt's ear cuz she got real annoying. She just lives with my parents. Should I feel bad about this?
No.271474
>>271473yeah that's elder abuse stop being a bitch
No.271476
>>271474I mean it was my brother eho started the fight then she chimed in and got caught in crossfire. It was ultimately my ape normalfag brothers fault
No.271483
I found my old reddit posts from two years ago by googling around. During that time I was a total shut-in (like I am now, again).
Just going by my prose and jaggered writing, I could tell that this lifestyle is negatively affecting me cognitively. I need to get offline and sort this shit out.
No.271487
Work in 2 hours. Drank all weekend, and I can't really walk. Fuck my life I can hardly get out of bed.
No.271490
>>271483you dont need to go offline, but you definitely shouldnt stay home for multiple days in a row
voluntarily go outside, for a walk, try to chat up strangers, something like that
very important, otherwise your brain goes down the shitter
No.271513
>>271490>try to chat up strangerswizchan 2023 going beyond my wildest expectations
No.271514
>>271513this board is nothing more than r9k 2.0 at this point
No.271519
>>271514There's not even 50% of the daily posters this site had 5 years ago and at the same time there's an influx of all kinds of new posters who haven't been here for long. Wizchan won't ever be the same unless mods enforce rules very strictly.
No.271522
>>271519I'm one of the few 30+ year old posters that have been here for a long time and the biggest issue is the actual moderation. They are actively destroying the site. E.g. still can't even post on /meta/ with VPN, they have randomly banned me before for comments that dont even come close to breaking the rules like they just clicked the wrong reply or something, while leaving other obbiously rule breaking posts. Must be a complete dumpster fire behind the scenes
No.271523
>>271522They literally delete any posts containing criticism saying "criticism only on /meta/" and then not letting people post there. It's hilarious they're at that point of damage control
No.271525
>>271522>>271523My guess is that there's not even an actual "team" behind the scenes, maybe it's just two people for all we know, that would also explain the poor moderation in general. Theres threads about doing stuff with friends and posts about feminism or people getting insulted as crabs just because they don't agree that succubi are all such great people and you get called a poltard if you state that porn is bad. There's a lot more rule breaking going on of course.
Wizchan had several admin switches over the years and it's obviously not the same staff it had some years ago.
I also think that the no VPN rule on /meta/ has been established to keep things under control since its all such a clusterfuck now.
No.271527
>>271525I've been a moderator for forums before (different style of place); you quickly get to the point where your brain is tired from processing text for months from a moderator point of view. They must just be burnt out and not capable of caring about their 'job' anymore, just doing bare minimum and keeping servers running. Should just shut the site down at this point i'd say
No.271532
>>271525I don’t believe anyone who complains about getting banned because hardly anyone gets banned, unless you’re confused with a long term troll permaban are unlikely. Mods have their biases but meh, most people get warnings.
Moderating sites for a long time gets you seeing patterns that can be wrong because you will have a handful of dedicated trolls, so you occasionally ban someone thinking they’re them - especially if you’re tired of dealing with them.
VPN ban in /meta/ makes sense when half the posts were trolls trying to wind people up. There’s hasn’t been many 300 post threads since the vpn ban. Being a moderator of a community that attracts obsessive retard trolls is tedious, people who have never done it complain and whine are oblivious to the dynamics that evolve. trolls using 1000s of ip addresses and spending hours each day spamming isn’t uncommon if they get emotionally attached to rivalry with the mods.
More generally, the public facing moderation team have said they don’t actually agree with the wizchan rules and would make them laxer. But there’s more trolls ranting about mods than there are genuine users, so it’s hard to take a position. Running sites with retard trolls is a tedious headache though.
No.271534
brooo being isolated is the best thing since pancakes
t. lives with parents who make them pancakes
No.271554
>>271522How much of the mod team is even 30 and over?
No.271555
>>271532I've been banned once for the lamest reasoning but the most asinine thing they do is delete posts that are within the rules but don't conform to whatever they're feeling that day.
No.271556
>Mods, site userbase etc
There's clearly a very small number of people who mostly obsess on controlling /wiz/. If you shitpost outside of North American hours it'll be there for nearly a day. Every aspect of this site is cancerous from the users to the culture to the administration. erase /b/ and most of it'll go away. Might get all the traffic but it's turning the site into a stupid larp for kids.
No.271558
Not gonna lie, it's probably not just me who's in the way of my happiness. It's society, and not just for me either. How many people would have lived perfectly happy lives if not for society? A lot of people die because they feel useless because they're programmed to feel useless without a job or if they don't fit into society's expectations. It's a broad stroke, too. You could fit a lot of different problems people from the broad term of "society". Sometimes, I feel like if it all goes to shit even more than it has now, I should be prepared to go into the woods or something. Even just living frugally somewhere cheap could work.
No.271561
>>271558>You could fit a lot of different problems people from the broad term of "society".It really all boils down to modernity, with every generation things get more confusing and difficult while the working world also turns to pressure and slavery even more. People also slowly go nuts because all the media we consume sucks the dignity out of everything.
No.271567
>>271561I don't think humanity can last long being in a society. It's becoming way to stressful for everyone and overwhelming. We are simply still animals just like every other creature on earth. We literally sit in front of computers screens and go on phones so regularly we forgot our humanity.
No.271582
>>271561Modernity is a result of industrialization.
No.271585
>>270716Not even weed makes me feel good anymore, it just feels a little good for 5 seconds and rest of the time i'm bored and depressed. God nothing gives me joy anymore, not even drugs.
No.271587
I cannot take this much longer.
No.271588
>>271582We all know who was right about industrial society all along
No.271589
On the topic of modernity; this video always cheers me up, such a simple and beautiful life my soul longs for it.
https://youtu.be/xOnNWJ_GNwA(I know it is an advertisement but the content is worthy)
No.271590
>>271585For how long have you been smoking weed?
No.271591
Life is way too long
No.271594
>>271585Same here but I get way too suicidal when I take a break so I have to keep buying it anyway
No.271608
>>271590Just a year now, i'm sadly a chronic user too. Being sober feels worse sometimes.
No.271623
I’ve posted the same thing in this thread maybe 20+ times over the last number of years, when my depression lifts is always mind blowing. My body becomes easier to move, I can do things for a couple of days, normal anxiety that responds to mental language, the experience of “willpower” where you can dismiss mind easily and push through things.
No matter how much I write or record the experience of non depression you can’t remember it during depression, and it’s a surprise every time that I seek you share with this thread.
No.271624
>>271623Sounds like you are bipolar.
No.271625
>>271624People comment this here, but it’s more a unipolar depression experience. These kinds of disorders have very vague diagnosis criteria, for example I technically have bipolar because I’ve experienced mania once a year or so for a day or so. Feeling invincible, being able to dismiss all external pressures, energy pulsing through veins.
Going from not being able to shower for weeks to being able to clean the house calmly and aware isn’t mania, just depression to non-depression. Mind starting working and memory working isn’t mania, so most of my life isn’t bipolar it’s just unipolar depression. It doesn’t really matter, I’ve tried all the therapy techniques for bipolar to little success and can’t get pills unless I do some extreme negative thing that enters me in the mental health systems. So labels don’t matter much.
No.271626
>>271625I'm the same as you. It really doesn't matter if most treatment options doesn't work. All you can do is live and accept the pain, i'm with you though man, you will never be alone with those feelings. I heard predictions that psychiatry will have stronger and better pills in the future. If those don't work, i'm offing myself, too tired to live anymore.
No.271653
God, I'm so depressed. Please, take my life in my sleep.
No.271657
I'm a quadriplegic and I'm tired of this routine of waking up and being on the computer, I really can't take it anymore and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of pretending I'm fine, I think I need therapy but I'm too poor to afford it.
No.271664
Life really keeps on getting worse. I was finally in a place of contentment and then…this happens. I develop the most retarded kind of problem imaginable: a fear of swallowing/chocking.
Almost choked a piece of bread last week and ever since, I developed this tongue involuntary reflex where I push against food and can't swallow anything solid. It's like some fear of swallowing/chocking and I get this anticipatory anxiety before I try to swallow. I tried drinks, sauces, all kinds of tricks, but it's really hard to get food in. Been eating pudding cups and yoghurts. Sometimes I just don't want to deal with it at all and don't eat the entire day. I tried scrambled eggs this morning and some bites I can do it, other times I panic again. Takes me like an hour to finish a plate and eating below my maintenance for calories so I'll definitely be losing weight.
I don't know how to fix it. I'm scared this is permanent. I've got other anxieties and phobias and they're pretty much lifelong. I can avoid people but I can't avoid eating…
No.271665
>>271664That's really adorable, wiz. I'm sending you a telepathic wizhug right now.
No.271666
>>271665How is it adorable? I somehow keep acquiring more and more mental problems. And this shit is no joke, I will never be able to eat normally again. There is no cure, just cope like all mental illness.
No.271667
sounds like being afraid of swallowing pills but much worse, maybe it will pass.
No.271670
>>271666dont mind this identified poster
No.271672
>>271666Because you're a tender and sensitive wiz that got throat-violated by a piece of bread. I'm here to comfort you.
No.271673
>>271667Yeah, it's exactly that. I had that pill problem since I could remember, but that's one swallow and you could get through it when you needed to. But imagine every bite being like that, every time you sit down to eat a meal that isn't smooth pudding.
I doubt it will pass because it's now a conditioned response and every time I sit down to eat and have trouble I just reinforce it. And even just thinking about it reinforces it.
At least I'll finally lose weight…all it took was an eating disorder.
>>271672Fuck off, retard.
No.271674
>>271664just drink more water, people only choke on things because their throat is dry
No.271676
>>271675Thanks. It seems the root of the problem is my attention. Now that I think swallowing dry food is dangerous, I'm always monitoring my tongue and chewing. And the more distressed I get, the more I anchor my attention in that area and start doing it "manually". Ugh, the old famous "don't think of a pink elephant" paradox.
How fucked up is it that this could just hit you out of the blue. I was just getting used to demiurge's hellish world and he throws another curve ball, spoiling one of the only things I have left.
No.271678
>>271673It may be unfortunate to hear but you have already been telepathically hugged. No take backsies.
No.271679
I will chew your food for you and regurgitate into your mouth for you wizzie <3
No.271686
I am intensely uncomfortable with having a body.
No.271706
How the fuck do you even care about anything, a little thing, if you are supported by your parents with money and material basics? Like, why do a thing? Why turn a finger? It's entirely pointless anything but laying in your bed.
No.271734
>>271733Really strange the minute I wake up and see posts like this makes me feel not really lonely. It's absurd how you think the exact thoughts I think everyday, I just wanna be asleep for a month and i'll be fine.
No.271735
>>271734It's not that strange if you think about it. We have more or less the same minds that react very similarly to our environment. We probably have in common our rejection by normalfags which causes us to retreat to online spaces until our brain rots to the point that we can't enjoy anything. You may think your situation is unique but there are no doubt millions who have lived almost exactly the same life.
No.271739
I've tolerated following the path of least resistance to one of the worst ways a man can live. I feel pretty gung-ho about rectifying this at 3am, I have to hope I still will when I wake up.
No.271747
http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.htmlThis is a horror story. I know family who love this story and find it so 'hopeful'. I do not understand these people. Ffs, the protag gets reincarnated as a female Chinese peasant. It's fucking horrifying. Just one step below Roko's Basilisk. With each passing day, I find the notion that death is just a void to be more and more pleasant an idea.
No.271761
it's so difficult to be a stupid perosn. I think intelligence would help me with depression, contrary to popular belief. it took me years to realize that I should take vitamin d. people who are more well-read and intelligent are always ahead of me even in terms of dealing with feeling awful 24/7.
No.271763
>>271761Wait until you find out about regular exercise!
No.271773
>>271761I share your sentiments.
No.271775
>>271514always had been since 2012
No.271776
>>271763I have no idea how average people manage to sneak in time for a full workout in between work and family and w/e else without burning out. I have to treat self-improvement like a day job to get any results out of it.
No.271777
Fuck my life I don't want to go to work.
No.271778
>>271761most people don't take vitamin D and are doing ok enough. these stories about deficiencies being so widespread in the general population always seemed overblown to me
No.271779
>>271761Intelligence sucks in one way when you’re depressed - you know the theoretical solutions or potential things you could create, but in practice you struggle to do the most basic things. The gap between mind and action is unpleasant.
But for everything else low intelligence sucks balls. I live with my retarded sibling and them struggling to understand basic shit while being aware of negative emotions and the negative social interactions sucks. Being confused and mentally ill fucking sucks.
Intelligence isn’t that useful if nothing works either, aka vitamin d etc.
No.271781
>>271777Attached is for you.
>>271778O.k., I'll bite because I haven't read about this at all, what is the vit D thing all about? What's the current research for it? Also, WHICH vit D are we talking about (I've seen labels in the grocery store that specifically mention D3)?
No.271782
>>271781I’m not posting lots of details. Vitamin d3 is just the most easily absorbed version of vitamin d.
Vitamin d is normally produced by the skin when in contact with sunlight that contains uv ( depending where you are in the world, winter plus/minus a few months won’t help you produce vitamin d). Thanks to indoor lifestyles most studies show large parts of the population are deficient, and in places like Norway it’s linked somewhat to winter-depression as they can be deficient in winter.
It’s considered important and it’s a cheap thing everyone can take to maybe feel better, alternatively you can sit in the sun in shorts and no T-shirt for an hour a day in non-winter. Milk and grains are normally fortified with iron and vitamin d as well, if you’re African or something you produce less vitamin d in cold climates with less sun so probably should supplement.
Studies show general population benefits and sometimes individual benefits and people saying it cured some issues.
No.271783
>>271772Yeah… iktf wizbro
No.271793
Meditate for 3 hours
Getting ready, wew, participating in the world is a real test
Just keep this same energy
Deep breath
You can keep your focus and cool
5 minutes later and I’m fucked up
Mind on a swivel going maniac mode
And I can’t deal with it
Back to trying
Nothing else to do
With a messed up brain
No.271798
why do I only notice the negative?
No.271799
>>271798I'm like this too. Could be a symptom of sociopathy. Praying to the Archangel Jophiel helps me overcome it. You gotta try to be more positive. It's hard but it can be done
https://www.learnreligions.com/meet-archangel-jophiel-124094 No.271803
I think there is value in rolling with the punches of natural selection.
Someone can represent a that to you, your well-being, your comfort, your quality of life, etc. Without you being able to do much about it.
I think people are quick to reach for copes. Mental gymnastics, distractions, answers that will soothe the feelings of helplessness and interiority.
I think it's bad to be desperate, and it's good to be grounded in reality.
If you are in a prison cell with big bubba, then your well-being and continued existence is dependent on him feeling like sparing you. He's a threat to you. Period. There's no further text in the story.
No.271807
>>271793I think the core worth of meditation, is to have quality relaxation
When you're strained mentally, you want to relax and do nothing else.
But relaxation mediums come with different grades of quality.
Immersive meditation can shorten the time it takes to wind down, and do stuff again
It sounds like your problem is not relaxation.
It sounds like you need to struggle some more with your issues, and learn about them and your emotions.
Meditation will not grant you a protective shield against your own issues
No.271817
Got that feeling
Wanting to die
No.271821
I have vague memories of being picked on in kindergarten. I don't want to claim that I was bullied because bullied is a strong word and I really can't recall these memories that well considering I had to be 5 years old at the time. I have memories of sitting in a table surrounded by 3-4 other children and they would take turns pinching my flesh. I would cry but nobody would listen. I remember being the crybaby of the class and the teachers got sick of me crying all the time and scolded me for crying. I don't remember why I cried so much. I remember telling my mom when I got home that I was picked on. Eventually my mom talked to the teacher near the end of the school year. I remember thinking that she acted too late and that she should have saved me sooner. This would mean that I've been picked on for a long time though I don't remember if that's really the case. I recall the teacher that was normally angry at me for crying was now making a show of reprimanding the ringleader of the kids who picked on me. I don't remember if they stopped.
No.271848
Try to focus. Cannot focus.
Too many years wasting away.
No.271858
>>271848Take it as a sign you're not interested.
No.271873
>>270716Hello Wizards.
I'm at the end phase of my life. I think I will be living at most 2.5 more years, and that's a stretch. It depends on how things pan out and whether I can save up enough money to complete my primary goal. Being at the epilogue, I feel as though I want to call a hotline and tell them everything. I thought about this a lot for years– not whether I should call, but why I want to call in the first place. Why, when I do not want to change, and I will regardless die? I know how it would go; I tell them everything, I go in-patient for a few weeks or, if they take me seriously, months. I decide to lie about everything and tell them "I'm alright", and then I leave. Nothing changes.
I suppose it's as if I'm a bomb about to burst. I just want to relieve the pressure…
No.271874
>>271873>I think I will be living at most 2.5 more yearsSee you next three years.
No.271875
>>271874Maybe. I could flake out. I have severe cardiovascular damage though, so at the very least I'll be punished for larping.
No.271877
>>271875>I have severe cardiovascular damage thoughFrom what? What symptoms?
No.271878
>>271877Yes. Heart palpitations, intense beating, rapidly growing tinnitus, nail clubbing, heartbeat in my ears, I get out of breath just by standing up, taking a shower causes me to go out of breath etc.
You'll probably go "tsch, sounds like you're out of shape" so I'll add the reason I believe all the symptoms are connected: they began after I was put in the cardiac ICU for a few days after I attempted suicide. I never bothered to go to appointments cause I was going to attempt suicide again. I did, it failed, and then I decided to change my mind about the suicide shit.
No.271882
>>271878Panic disorder can have the same symptoms and you could easily have given yourself this from the severe trauma you faced during suicide. Only a doctor will know if it's serious… Heart troubles are something you want to get looked at…
No.271886
>>271878did you change your mind because you dont want to die, or because you want to live, or both
No.271888
I've been feeling incredibly restless. I haven't even watched anything in a few months because every time I try I end up feeling too restless and stopping. I will spend all day scrolling and clicking because of this feeling but can't do anything more involved. It's getting worse too. This morning I woke up and it was so strong I just had to pace around for a while.
No.271889
>>271888i am experiencing exactly the same thing, i also talk to myself constantly
No.271890
>>271882Not going to.
>>271886I don't know. All I know is that if I wanted to be dead, I would be dead. Every day I regret not dying that day. When I was slipping out of consciousness I just thought, "It's finally over." I was happy. But how could I want to die if I am still alive?
I sort of think I'm being punished by a higher power for trying to "waste" my life. It's for that reason that I have made a plan to "trade" it instead. I can't talk about the specifics on the internet or I will become quickly unable.
No.271894
>>271891lmfao let me contact my local organ harvester
No.271929
I should've taken the phrase "ignorance is bliss" much more seriously
No.271937
>>271898most people are stuck for life in the first thing that works for them, going out of the way to try new things is only reserved for elites and people with nothing to lose
No.271943
>>271858I'm tired of rotting. I wish I cared about something.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
No.271945
>>270716Going to be getting a DNR soon. I actually scheduled it before finding out that in my state I need to have a terminal illness or that the physician must believe that resuscitation would be medically futile. (What I read before was that anyone could do it if they want to, but it "isnt recommended") There is almost nothing on the internet about this, so is there any way that I can convince the physician that it would be so? I am assuming they'll be relatively easy to convince with
>I just really don't want to wake up with major reductions in QoL, and my heart's not really up to par anyway.Or such things.
No.271947
>>271276Agreed but don't forget to add hyperinvidualism into the factor as well.
No.271951
Why?
No.271952
>>271951Just do it.
Life is worthless.
No.271953
>>271951Keep going lil' wizbro. You're gonna make it.
No.271957
>>271953What does it mean to "make it"?
No.271958
>>271957Reach the point where your circumstances are acceptable.
No.271963
Want to die
No.271964
Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further, every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free
No.271965
>>270716I envy people who still feel emotions. I hate being in a current state of blankness, working out and doing things doesn't even give me joy. What's the point of being alive again?
No.271971
I really hate my mother sometimes. A man can't show weakness. When i talk about taking time off from work because of my burnout/depression i'm met with silence. Those silences i've endured all my life when i talk about my pain. ALWAYS, ALWAYS those silences followed by a different subject. All succubi, whether they bore you or the on the streets are malignant Viper Baal acolytes.
No.271972
>>271971What response were you expecting?
No.271986
>>271971>mom when I was depressed and suicidal >Told me to just hurry up and kill myself to my face>mom when I'm doing well>presents and phone calls asking to come and see her moreI think they just have infanticide instincts towards guys that have fucked up at life.
No.271990
I fucking hate cars. I hate carheads, I hate the culture, I hate how I need to have one to hold a job, I hate how cities are planned around the fucking things.
I'm tired of doing repairs, I'm tired of them breaking down, I just want a decent one that fucking works.
No.271999
>>271990This but luckily my car hasn't broken down (yet). It came with 117k miles and I'm at 129k right now. I've got an oil and filter change coming up and I gotta get new windshield wiper blades too.
No.272001
>>271986She wanted you to kys because she didn't want to have to spend any money on you. She wants presents and phone calls when you're doing well because that way she can emotionally manipulate you for stuff. A lot of female behavior makes sense if you think in the most cynical, selfish way possible.
No.272004
>>271999Let me guess, a Honda or Toyota?
No.272005
>>271990use bicycle. yeah it also requires some maintenance but it's far easier than with cars so you could roughly say a good bicycle doesn't fail
No.272014
>>271986All people are like this. Even if you just limp because you have a sore foot, then evolution has that type of impact - avoid the burden of the weak/sick, become the burden to the strong
No.272031
I am a quadriplegic and will be 27 years old in 2 months. When I was 18 I choked and couldn't swallow, or rather I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hunger. I spent a year on soup and lost many kilos, so many that I reached 21 kilos. When I was 19 years old, my family collected 300 reais to pay for a consultation with a specialist in dystrophy, this consultation saved me because I was prescribed vitamins, there were several, but I only remember the D. By the way, I will send an email to the doctor to thank her for saving me, I thank God every day for having let me be born in this family.
Since then I have been optimistic, most of the time I have managed to be, nevertheless, at the end of 2022 I faced a strong depressive crisis. Since the 23rd of December I wake up thinking that I have to take this drug for one more day, and during the day I have intrusive thoughts, what a shitty life, Lord, why don't you free me from this suffering right now? I avoid thinking about what if, but in those moments it is very difficult not to and I end up rambling, idealising this supposed life.
To tell you the truth, I'm tired of keeping it all in my head, of pretending to my family that I'm fine. But the reality is: why tell them? I am poor, I cannot afford treatment. It's just me, my mother and my sister on a minimum wage and a pension of, if I'm not mistaken, 500 reals. Maybe my family would help pay for a psychologist, it's a possibility, but I don't know if I can break the image of the happy and smiling boy, despite the difficulties they have with me.
No.272032
>>272031Would be a sad story if you weren't a Brazilian. You deserve it
No.272034
>>272032You are nor a real Wizard.
Go back.
No.272035
>>272034I'm a thirty year old virgin NEET, you leave.
No.272049
>>272032Keep in mind that everywhere is going to shit. If you're European, you're likely to end up as irrelevant as Brazil in a couple decades. If you're American, probably one decade.
No.272080
>>272031>I was afraid to swallow and wanted to die so badly that I used that to die of hungerI'm
>>271664 and have a similar problem. Did it ever go away? I'm currently coping it with it by eating certain foods since I figured out texture is what triggers it. Even ate a little bit of bread by chowing it down then combining it with a spoonful of greek yoghurt. If my brain thinks it's smooth, it just goes right down the hatch but if it thinks it's even a little bit dry or clunky, it just holds back with my tongue. My only hope is being able to train myself out of it but I'm scared it's never going to go away completely.
I'm definitely eating a lot less and it pains me when my family brings food I just can't eat like burgers or hot dogs or anything bready. Not starving tho, but I was in a similar panic mode at first and just refused to eat because it made me anxious. Now I'm calmer but the reflex stays nonetheless…
No.272086
>>271664>>272080learn how to do the heimlich on yourself with a chair and perhaps that will ease your anxiety. ultimately i went on anxiety meds but i used to eat in the mornings or when drunk so my brain wasn't online enough to panic
No.272088
holy shit there are so many layers of bullshit and tedium involved with just living life.
No.272090
>>272080In my case it's got a bit better, but I can't eat red meat, only chicken or fish, the meat crumbles, although I don't eat fish for fear of the bones. I usually have smoothies in the blender and sometimes I eat normally. I also take my time eating as I chew a lot before swallowing.
What helped me get my confidence back was doing swallowing exercises that I found on Youtube, check out this channel for more exercises. Do you eat your meals with mindfulness?
No.272091
I hate being alive
No.272095
>>272090Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear that it will get better but it seems its still a thing at the back of your head that never goes away completely. I can't even look at a steak, probably the final boss of this whole thing lol
>Do you eat your meals with mindfulness?Not sure exactly what you mean. I try to not pay too much attention to it because it reinforces the fear and makes me go into "manual" mode and then it's like I forget how to swallow. I don't want to think, oh put your tongue in this position then move this muscle. No one thinks about that when eating.
What helps me a lot is if I have drink available and lots of sauce. Current strategy is to take a small bite, chew it up, then spoonful of sauce and it feels easy to swallow. Ate some ham this morning, was a bit of a chore but I managed.
No.272099
>>272095Eating with mindfulness is mindfully being aware of the food, not anxiously being distracted by your body
No.272113
>>272095The thing is: I have a disease that makes my muscles weak, I suppose you're normal in this subject, so i think you'll going to be better than me.
No.272130
no one knows me. no one sees me. no one believes me. but i exist. im real. i have a will. im different from everyone else. i can do things no one else can.
there are a hundred guillotines over my head. each can fall at any moment. im playing a game i cant win. nothing is going to work. theres no hope. my life is over.
i dont know. i wish i could explain why i ended up like this. i used to be a puppet or a doll. i lived in a tiny mental prison. i never got to do what i wanted to do as a child. i always just took orders. i was constantly afraid of adults. i was never myself. i always had to act up and pretend to be someone im not. eventually i convinced myself im someone im not, out of fear of walking out of line. i started telling myself im like everyone else. im brainf*cked. there was constant terror in every home ive ever lived. every day something bad happened. i was scared. i did everything i could to distract myself from reality and tell myself nothing of this was real. i used all sorts of odd coping mechanisms for the constant emotional stress and sunk myself into them. it felt like my mind was being jammed. or that it was on a channel with those color bars and the beep. i cry a lot. i think ive cried at least a little practically every single day of my life so far. i think mentally im still 4 or 6 at most. i never developed like a real person. i never had a chance to grow up. im starting to learn things most people learn in their first 10 years of life only in my 20s.
i think isolation in neetdom slowly fixed my brain, since its relatively peaceful, and im pulling myself out of that mental state. but its too late. i think i wont even get a job and ill die homeless. even if i find a way to support myself it will take all of my time and i wont have time to study. i know what i have to do now but theres no time left. i think i will just be crushed by the closing walls. ill have two seconds of freedom. ill let go at the edge of the cliff and just for an instant i will fly before turning into a pulp.
i dont know. i cant express myself. i want to read hundreds of books and make thousands of things. thats all. i want to be free. i want to be myself. i want to do things i like doing. which is just mostly reading. and finding paths. im capricornian and i think its a good fit. i want to climb upwards, alone, forever.
nothing is going to work. nothing is going to work. i dont know why im trying. please, please, if theres a god, please help me, please give me a chance.
i dont know. this is the worst feeling. feeling like having a purpose but not being able to fulfill it. being given an extaordinary power but never being able to use it. not being sure if youre real. since everyone says you arent. having your soul erased like it never existed.
i want to be a child again. i wish i werent afraid. i want to go to school and be myself.
i dont know. i feel immense pain, i feel something very great, its real, i dont know how to describe it, i dont know how to explain it, i dont know how to explain what i am. i just make posts when i start feeling too much mental anguish.
i wish i had another chance.
nothing is going to be alright.
No.272143
>>272142>or if we will actually see alien life for the first timewe will not.
but yes, we live in unprecedented times. Nothing like what's happened in these past hundreds of years has happened before. There's a certain intrigue in that. Not that it salvages anything.
No.272147
>>272143Why you think not? Life and the world can bring so many random possibilities. We can never know what will happen in the future, so many stars and planets. I know we can't be truly only in this entire universe.
No.272148
>>272147if they exist I don't think we'll meet them but also I just don't care if we do. the idea doesn't sound that interesting to me
No.272149
>>272148Yeah, we still have to pay bills and taxes at the end of the day. God everything sucks so hard when your an adult.
No.272151
stupid fucking word expressioning social schema identity ego retard bullshit brain chemicals whatever. fuck you
No.272153
and fuck retarded forums like this that lure you in and waste your shitty time
and fuck human beings who somehow manage to drain the fun out of everything
and fuck words and fuck brains and that's it
fuck you
No.272154
>>272153and fuck edgelords like you :)
No.272156
>>272154Whatever. How do you want me to respond to that? Assert dominance thing social battlefield image wa wa such and such. it's stupid and annoying anyway.
i'm an edgelord because i'm expressive and honest despite the fact that I shouldn't be and because my brain is a shithead. I mean, this is the depression crawl thread. edgelords no way that's crazy. Fuck me though you're right I hate this faggot
but nothing serves a function and people just like to do stupid shit that makes shit worse for no reason and it's whatever.
words and such
No.272158
this is awful. it fucking sucks.
No.272161
5 years ago (or longer?) I have been bullied for allegedly smelling bad. It still haunts me. The strange thing is that some succubi are really into me and some people try to have conversations with me. I think about this 24/7, I got pitch black circles under my eyes from the stress.
No.272162
>>272161The succubi liked the smell of your pheromones.
No.272163
>>272161There's this chick at the supermarket that's really into me. Every time I get to the checkout she's smiling and asking me about my day. Another lady held the door for me, but she wasn't as good looking. You could say I'm a ladies man.
No.272178
it's all so fucking draining. i see no
solace in anything, i have no piece of mind. i feel like a fucking rag ripped on wind. i just want this all to end quickly, just free me from all this meaningless suffering, i don't give a fuck about shit. god why can't i just click the exit button. it's so fucking bad when you can't even exit. it's the worst: being doomed to struggle and pain with no ability to choose or recuperate. why was i born such a helpless bit of misery. i hate it all
No.272179
Wake up and then go back to sleep
Dream world escape
Fuck dis world
Consciousness fuck you bitch
I’m out of here
Sleeping king right here
Fuck you demiurge
No.272181
I was busy all day today and it makes me want to curl up into a ball and lie there. I am so bad at handling any amount of stress. The thought of having to do this constantly makes me want to blow my brains out.
No.272193
I don’t want to live ok
No.272195
>>272194And 90% spent on it on wageslaving and school. I will always envy the generation after us, they'll be able to have robots and A.I to do work for them, if we ever make it that far.
No.272197
>>272143Not really, except for computers and AI, things aren't that different, what do you mean, war, viruses? How we carry it out and respond to them is different but the overall ethos is the same, nothing new under the sun.
No.272198
>>272197Why does this happen the worst in the early parts of a century? the 20s are always so goddamn shit.
No.272202
>>272198Depends who you ask. For large institutional investors and investors of generational wealth, getting into AI early right before it displaces hundreds of millions of people out of their jobs is paradise.
For everyone else it's going to be hell.
No.272206
>>272198Things aren't that bad, I'm grateful to have been born now and not hundreds of years ago or at any other point in the past, you'd be a literal serf with absolutely zero choice in occupation and no pastimes except for reading books (if that), generally speaking life as an asocial low status male has never been more comfy, even if society and media is increasingly becoming more and more hostile to men, especially wiz type "deviant" men simply doing what they want.
That said I'm still pretty jealous of future generations that'll get to enjoy actual functional virtual reality and robots but I'm also thankful I wasn't some Chinese peasant who got conscripted and killed by a spear through the belly.
No.272209
>>272206Not even books because 99,9% of the population was illiterate until the mid 1800s. Even many nobles were illiterate, families only sent their scions to university.
Life as a feudal peasant or serf was so unimaginably awful, short and horrible pretty much any existence today beats that, even being homeless.
>generally speaking life as an asocial low status male has never been more comfy, even if society and media is increasingly becoming more and more hostile to men, especially wiz type "deviant" men simply doing what they want. I don't even participate in society but thanks to neetbucks and inheritance I have living quarters and comforts that surpass that of a lower medieval baron.
It's no less than a utopia for a non-neurotypical people hater like me.
Had I been born 600 years earlier I'd be toiling in the fields 12 hours a day. Now I get to do, eat and experience pretty much whatever I want with no obligations.
No.272211
>>272206I’m a depressed retard now
Would have been depressed retard then
Better being one now
But phew
Would still suck
External word matters less to me
No.272215
>>272210Not the poster you replied to, but patricians knew how to write latin.
Plebeians who made up 99% of Rome were illiterate manual laborers.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrician_(ancient_Rome) No.272216
>>272210Literacy during the Roman empire was 10 to 20% for males, I remember looking this up years ago and that was the figure most historians agreed upon.
No.272227
>>272216Depends on the time period. During the early Empire (and Kingdom, before that) the realm had a few hundred literate people.
After Jesus's death up to 10% of the population knew how to read and write - all of the patricians and the wealthiest of the plebeians.
Practically all succubi were illiterate regardless of social status.
No.272234
>>271945DNR in about two weeks. After that I'm going to let God decide what should happen. I'll post a picture of the paperwork if the physician agrees.
No.272239
>>272216I would highly doubt this figure, because the definition of "literate" is played with by pedagogues. Graffiti was common enough that it was likely most people could read basic Latin or Greek, depending on where they were. Slaves would even have picked up reading. It's not a difficult skill to learn, given any familiarity at all and a willingness to sit down with the material. The greatest problem is that pedagogues insist that their methods are the only way people can be proven literate, and no one has any incentive to show knowledge because it just means others will demand more of them for free.
It has been estimated that colonial America had a very high rate of basic literacy, despite the lack of any consistent pedagogy and the inhabitants being the castoffs of Europe. Picking up reading was so easy that they had to beat and torture slaves to keep them from picking up reading, and again, slaves have no incentive to show this knowledge because their masters would just demand more and didn't want their slaves to pick up seditious literature. Part of segregated schools was to dumb down the population aggressively, but back then they couldn't do it as well as they would like, however much they tried. Modern education had to find creative ways to aggressively dumb down the populace, by pushing maladaptive reading strategies and telling people who learned to read on their own that they were "retarded" for not doing it the pedagogue's preferred way or being from the wrong class. There are plenty of nignogs in sped who are curious and read about history, and the rulers just laugh at them - "oh cute, a nigger is reading!" They literally don't care. So, I don't put any stock in their estimates of literacy. The written word was ubiquitous enough in Rome that most people would have been familiar with written documents at some point in their life, and if they have a deed to some property or some deed concerning their slavery or manumission (since in Rome, freedom from slavery was common enough that it was almost a rule, a way of mitigating slave revolts by promising older slaves pseudo-freedom in exchanged for continued obligation to their former master). What is usually missing is any exposure to formal literature or the course of education, and that is what is being measured. If you didn't go to the right tutors or belong to the right class, you were considered "illiterate" because no one was able to guess what you knew. There was no testing or tracking infrastructure so it was a guess. Insulting commoners' intelligence is something humans do so of course educated bureaucrats are going to act like everyone else is retarded.
Another thing is that in Antiquity, proper books were expensive and difficult to reproduce, so if you were poor, you wouldn't have had a book of your own. Inscriptions in Latin or Greek were common enough that ordinary people would have seen them, if they lived in cities. Another complicating factor is that the populace was primarily rural, so for most Romans, their life adapted to the work rhythm of a farmer, whether they managed the farm or tilled the farm. Even in the rural setting though, you would have been exposed to the written word often enough that it would have been expected that you could know what the symbols on the paper sounded like. That's the easy part, and if you have that, you have most of what you need to be literate. Most people just fake through their education anyway without really knowing the shit they're reading.
No.272240
>>272239Agreed. The evidence downright refutes the modern academic view that people of the past were illiterate retards. Archeological evidence shows poor peasant farmers writing letters in western Russia.
The problem is that most academics (as you say, pedagogues) ignore evidence that refutes their enlightenment whig history. In the medieval period, the vast majority of people in europe were "illiterate"- but that only meant they couldn't read in Latin or French depending on the period. Almost all of them, succubi included, could write in their local vernacular which could vary from village to village.
No.272246
>Sampo Generation (Korean: 삼포세대; Hanja: 三抛世代; RR: samposedae, "Three giving-up generation") is a neologism in South Korea referring to a generation that gives up courtship, marriage, and having kids. Many of the young generation in South Korea have given up those three things because of social pressures and economic problems such as increasing cost-of-living, tuition payments, and affordable housing scarcity.[1] There is also the opo sedae, or "five giving-up generation", which takes the same three and adds employment and home ownership. The chilpo sedae ("seven giving-up generation") further includes interpersonal relationships and hope, while the gupo sedae ("nine giving-up generation") extends to physical health and appearance. Finally, the sippo sedae ("ten giving-up generation") or wanpo sedae ("total giving-up generation") culminates in giving up life.
Who ninth level Sampo here? Also why do they describe failing at life, NEETdom and suicide like they're shonen anime movesets, with tier levels and everything?
>10th SAMPO…. BANKAI
>This move….he can only use this move once
>AFTER THIS, MY POWER WILL DISAPPEAR FOREVER
No.272247
>>272246hope is interesting i find a lot of normalfags are hopeful
No.272252
Im tired of being exposed as ESL subhuman. My native language culture (spanish) is very harsh to autist loser types and is very normalfag in general, where am I supposed to post then?
No.272254
>>272252ESLs are based, don't worry, we love you.
No.272257
>>272246>Also why do they describe failing at life, NEETdom and suicide like they're shonen anime movesets, with tier levels and everything?You made me laugh. Never heard of these special techniques…
No.272259
>>272246Maybe that's just a thing with Asian categorization habit. You see the same thing in Buddhism for example where there is like 10 layers of heaven and hell and 5 levels of spiritual attainment that each gives you a specific holy powers. Well, western Christians did the same thing by coming up with angel and demon rankings or Dante's circles of hell but you don't see people use those anymore.
No.272261
that's pretty much the end for me
what would be stupid is to fail suicide after wiping out your data on PC
but even little succubi can do it, so i'll try my best to not fail as an old bastard
No.272262
>>272261i doubt that little succubi do it correctly if they got a hdd
because OS deletion actions dont zero out all the data on there
anyways wish you successful and painless departure, and its ok to end up not doing it
No.272263
>>272262oh wait i read that wrong
No.272264
Everyday is the same. I've lost interest in everything. Now eating also feels like a chore and I barely drink water. sometimes I wish I die of dehydration
No.272265
>>272246chilpo sedae chad checking in
No.272266
>>272239It's pre printing press. What exactly is surprising about that?
No.272267
It hasn't snowed all winter. It's been too warm. Raining. This shit is depressing.
No.272293
The day that I die will be the happiest day of my life.
No.272294
Everyone so mean
So mad
So hateful
Misanthropy here
No.272295
>>272254Aww, gracias. I love you too, fellow mago.
No.272299
either the internet is dying and its all bots
or i seriously need to take my meds
things simply dont feel real anymore
No.272300
>>271561It's all about being lucky enough to have been born in that nice sweetspot. Boomers win again.
No.272303
I just woke up and I want to die.
The morning is the worst part of my day.
No.272328
>>272299it’s all bots. or people are dumb as bots.