[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]   [Catalog]   [Return]   [Archive]

File: 1630618521818.png (1.48 MB, 1027x1280, 1027:1280, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.246401[Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.


What can I do beside drinking every Saturday? I work 6 days a week (usually 9-12 hours) Anime and video games are no longer a cope for me. I want to try something new, maybe get back to reading again, but I come back from work exhausted. Also I'm unable to leave my actual job because of financial problems.


I miss being in my early 20s, coming home from my min wage job, and watching the walking dead with my mom, then going to my room and drinking a beer while playing games. life was simpler. I'm in my 30s now, my house is empty, I have so much work and things to do


how the hell do you do it? that is like 60 hours a week or more, basically 3/4 of your time awake is working


>watching the walking dead with my mom
Also used to watch this with my family. Sopranos and King of the Hill also. I have good memories of watching TV completely by myself. One of the worst things about the dystopic nightmare world we live in is the lack of anything worth watching on modern TV. Pirating old shows over the internet isn't the same experience. The mindless, zero-effort process of turning on your TV and flipping to your favorite channel is no longer. I hate being confined to my computer screen or staring at a small phone screen and watching the same YouTube videos I have watched countless times or clicking on some dumb video essay or a stream and mentally checking out after about five minutes. I wish I could just lay down on my bed, push a button and something worth watching would be on TV. Why does life have to feel like I am Chris Chan serving his prison sentence?


You see, we get to drink at work…we drink a lot, only night shifts.


you ever go into one of the threads, spend an hour composing a relevant post, and then just close the posting form without sending it?

describing my experience is equivalent to begging for attention/sympathy, to give advice is to assert i know something better than the other wizzes, raising a talking point is presuming i have anything novel to add, arguing that some wiz is wrong is invalidating their experience, and agreeing with some wiz is pointless as they hold their views already

it's like there's some base-level constant that dictates "your words are either worthless or actively harmful" that kicks in

t. made an actual post, going against his own words


>you ever go into one of the threads, spend an hour composing a relevant post, and then just close the posting form without sending it?
I think I spent 20 minutes max before I realize I'm not going to post it. This might be my poor sense of time though. Maybe I've spent closer to an hour sometimes.
it used to be that I didn't post for basically the same reasons you gave.
The feelings of shame and worthlessness are less intense now and I rarely worry that I'll be actively hurting or offending someone.
But I have great insecurity about the worthiness of my contributions because of what I feel are just objective assessments that anything I can produce is 90% less informed and well worded than I would have considered minimum standard if my brain hadn't fallen apart years ago and I stopped reading or experiencing anything.
So even though I've almost gotten over the first problem of internal shaming, I now have a mental state and level of general knowledge and education (and inability to improve) that was caused by that problem…and which has made the personal assessments of worthlessness even more objectively true.


anyone else relate to this.
>depressed so you want to sleep all day
>dont sleep because waking up is so hard
makes no sense and is either one or the other


I'm just a paralyzed blob. Refresh page. Do nothing. Stare at ceiling. blob time


>I rarely worry that I'll be actively hurting or offending someone.
Around these parts, the probability of triggering someone is extremely high. Whatever it is that you post, someone will passive-aggressively gripe about it or mock your post in another thread.


Are you from Brazil, OP?


Yes, I suppose you recognized the schizo from the pic if you're also BR


is this a famous image in brazil?


File: 1630772887152.gif (3.07 MB, 600x338, 300:169, tom.gif) ImgOps iqdb

There's no point living just to be a wageslave who goes home, sleeps and then goes back to wageslave


Not the image but the guy in it is an ultra schizo who got a bit famous for posting weird shit like that pic.


My dad's fat gf gave me athlete's foot and she still walks around with bare feet all the time. It's over.


All suffering stems from the root of fear of death. Once you accept death there can be no more fear. No more anxiety. Sadly this is the hardest part to accept. Social anxiety? Depression? Mental illness? BPD? Autism? All bullshit. Just another way of fear of death. We are all frauds. We are all cowards. Accept death to thrive in life. Accept death to thrive. Deny life to conquer it.


>bpd is bullshit
You misunderstand the experience of being borderline. You have never been plagued by it.

defend your assertion that when you accept death you won't be bpd anymore?


How did you get lost while browsing facebook and end up here?


File: 1630836973358.png (327.11 KB, 512x720, 32:45, a819a282e38587ca76d2241d14….png) ImgOps iqdb

Went to get a jacket by mother's request. While I was eating a crepe she immediately said I should go take a walk to one building to see if they're hiring.

Again I was right, Demiurge. This my fear had all the grounds behind it. Patterns that repeatedly happened would likely happen again provided no change in conditions.

Only helping but not saving grace is thinking about pure and pure-hearted, responsible where it counts 2d shopping with other pure shojo in Japanese malls.


I realized that my sadness is not due to the world being bad and instead praise for the beauty of the world. I want to watch a kawaii moe anime but feel like I have watched everything worth watching.


I tried to get hobbies just like the normalfags say. I forced myself through math textbooks, exercise, music, documentaries, drawing, and guess what? I'm still bored. None of it was fun.

Fuck normalfags and their "advice"


i feel the same i have given everthing a go but what can we do when we dont latch onto anything? is there anything you even want in life?


i had that problem till i started taking wellbutrin. you may have a medical condition like me. feeling nothing is more hellish than suffering.


I'm on multiple medications already.
I can't think of anything. What is there to want?


why would you expect excitement out of boring hobbies? Try something more exciting like paintball, riding your bike down mountains, combat sports, gambling, etc. The more dangerous the better.


you can never win with this line of reasoning. try hobbies a, b and c and you'll just come back with hobbies d, e and f. Until I exhaust EVERY hobby on earth then I can't say the advice is shit.

just leave.


people make the mistake of thinking someone cannot enjoy anything because what they are doing is not fun instead of not being able to enjoy a single thing.
What you haven't tried going down waterfalls in a barrel?


No, come on here, you literally picked the most boring hobbies imaginable and then concluded you don't like all hobbies from it. It's fucking retarded. It's like trying steamed brussel sprouts and then deciding that you don't like vegetables.


i just don't care about anything. i have things that i need to do, but i would rather pace around my apartment or lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling than do them. i have things that i am mildly interested in, but every time i start doing them i realize the futility of it and get frustrated after a short amount of time. i feel like i am always one step away from falling behind and becoming homeless with no money, but i cant really do anything to stop this


File: 1630982871733.jpg (1.65 MB, 1920x2179, 1920:2179, Punishment_sisyph.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

it seems like in my life there is this big cycle where i try to improve myself and attempt to find success in life but am frustrated by my inability to control outcomes. so i feel that its pointless and lay down and rot. but then i become green with envy towards people who have things that i dont, and that makes me hate myself. so i try to improve and try and be successful and things start over again


File: 1630990535013.png (494.44 KB, 640x640, 1:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

I lost all hope and gonna kill myself by the end of the year.
One thing that eats me up inside is the fact that, even though I come from an upper-class and lovely family, had good education, etc. I failed in life, just like all of you. I had the opportunity to conquer great achievements, but I took it all for granted. And here I'm, NEET, with no money, no degree, no NEETbucks, no shit, etc.
I can't support the guilt of being a worthless POS anymore. I won't blame anybody for what I became. My parents gave their best for me.

Just realized that all that fear of becoming a vegetable is a huge COPE and gonna jump from the rooftop.


what does failing in life even mean for you?


well i've done it. ive made plans to improve again. the worse things that have ever happened to me were always when i was trying to improve. almost daily i am reminded of shit i did when "improving" that fucked me. this is a risky time and im genuinely terrified at what unexpected trauma thats going to come for me. it's so fucking dumb that i keep being tricked into leaving the dopamine cave thinking i can somehow get richer as a wizard. fucking pointless cope thinking getting a degree as a wizard is going to get me a non-shit job.


what plans have you made and what stands in your way? improving is always scary because you are psychologically at risk when not resigned to defeat


I wish I had some sort of skills.


If your parents are rich there's literally nothing wrong with just neeting it up with them. They won capitalism so the reward is not having to work for you or your kids. You will inherit a house and money when they die so it's all good. If you need pocket money for video games and shit just do some occasional part time labor then quit. The only problem is they usually want to continue the line so they need at least one child to be able to earn money and reproduce. If you have a brother or sister who is capable of this, then you're off the hook, otherwise the pressure will probably remain for a while, but eventually your parents will lose hope and accept you aren't going to be normal or reproduce and then you can just live comfortably as a neet without feeling bad about it.


Isn't that another Brazilian guy, Wellington? Tell me your history.


My problem with trying to improve via the conventional way ie improving education so you can become an office slave instead of a retail or laborer slave was that eventually I realized that I didn't even want the eventual outcome that I was working towards. When you try to improve you become immediately aware of how important it is to "play the game" in order to succeed. At every level normalfaggot social dynamics will conspire to fuck over the average low charisma wizard. In order to get hired you have to pass the interview and the interviewer is likely to go with some guy he knows from some random social event like bowling over some wizard like you. This is backed up by the data which indicate nepotism is still the most common way to get a job with randoms off the street barely even being considered. Even if you are lucky enough to get a job it's likely you will end up doing large amounts of the work while normalfag coworkers gossip and suck up to the boss. You will get all the shittiest assignments while the boss's friends get the cushiest jobs and get promotions and pay raises while you are left at the lowest level. They may even randomly spread untrue rumors about you and get you fired for the sole reason that they smell weakness and they enjoy chumming the waters and seeing what will happen.

I'm not trying to say any of that is a lock or anything but what is a lock is the need to debase oneself and jump through hoops to alter your behavior to suit the requirements of the particular social situation you are in in order to succeed. The ones who can do this the most and can charm any person will rise to the top without even putting in any effort but the ones lacking these skills will have to struggle and be perfect. Yes, that office job comes with a higher salary, but what happens if you just quit for a year or two to be free? Will you be able to find another office job? The competition is fierce for higher paying positions so you are also less free, you need to be on your best behavior and not fuck up. On the other hand if you accept shit jobs you know you can always get a shit job no matter what. The trick imo is to simply target a lifestyle that requires as little work as possible to survive. If you can leech off parents you can reduce your work to almost nothing, but if not you can still find ways to live frugally like living in a vehicle to reduce your work. I realize I am literally more at ease with a life as a homeless person living in their car than I am as a slave.


File: 1631033880342.jpg (756.4 KB, 1920x1440, 4:3, Chateau_de_Challain.JPG) ImgOps iqdb

Drenched with truth. Wish I had the wisdom to see that far out at the beginning, now stuck in office slavery.

The constant debasement is the worst part and it is just a sad fact that your family expects you to dance like a monkey.

So yes, find the least expensive lifestyle and aim for it. Tired. Truly golden chains where you can't enjoy the gold since you're bound.
Dead in the head most days.

Going to quit (I hope I have the courage to see it through), because doing this waging seems antithetical to the good living you ever bother to look at if you drive by affluent neighborhoods.
Gathering money to get priced out by inflation.

Either play the game fully (be a BUSINESSman) or optimize.


I didn't express myself well, so let's get this straight.

If someone is poor and raised in a dysfunctional family, and then end up with no degree, unemployed, junkie or in an underemployment, it's ok or at least, it's comprehensible, if you know what I mean. You can't fail if you didn't have the opportunity.

But if someone had all the means to be a successful person, but as the years pass by, still doesn't get it together, NEET and with no goal carved out, so that is an example of someone that failed in life which is my case.


to fail you must be unable to reach where you want to.get. I am asking what succesful even means to you.


It is very clear that he doesn’t want to get anywhere. It is simply where he feels he is expected to get, by society and more likely, by his family.


he needs to give up on that and he would be where he wants to be.


Yes they will.


i have a office job now. honestly its very comfy but i don't make enough money. also it's not reliable i could lose it at any time and be fucked. currently leeching off my parents for housing/utilities but i want to move out. which is why im going back to college in some retarded attempt to make enough money to one day own a home in a rural area.

yeah the thing that worries me is doing all the work to get this degree. getting the better paying office job, and being more miserable. what's the point of making 50% more money if im working 300% harder.

the best thing i could do is probably find some kind of side gig / small business to make money instead of going to college. but i don't have any idea what that business would be.
starting online college to get a degree soon.
imagine coming to a wizchan crawl thread and complaining about autism.


>online college
Good luck my dude


>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
I hate life
>I hate life
People are intensely selfish and evil monsters, God this world sucks.


Great album.


It's Renato. The same on OP pic.


i'm 2 tired 2 sleep.. how is this even a thing? wait until I pass out when I get like this. not awake enough to do anything but too tired to sleep.


Anyone else not interested in talking, discussing, learning new things or even thinking seriously about something at all? Not interested in reading, watching stuff or browsing the internet? It's all pointless and exhausting.



I like to read and watch things as long as it goes smooth and without much effort. At the first sign of an obstacle I shut down. This is probably part of the reason why I stopped reading philosophy


I spend more time lying in bed napping then I do on the internet now. Bed is honestly more comfortable and enjoyable than anything else


Also, I feel like I'm a bad and "evil" person for having despised all the chances and opportunities I had.
I'm ungrateful, unworthy, abominable, scoundrel etc. I don't deserve to live, even if I wanted.


the world is a simulation of hell, normies represent demons.


I have been invited to come to an interview as a dishwasher the day after submitting my CV. Not sure what the future has in store for me, feeling dread, fear and getting images in my mind of me as a 50 year old. Its like finally giving in and accepting my place as the lowest trash above only NEETs.


You need to have a CV and an interview to do the fucking dishes these days?


people go to pre trade school to get the chance at even getting a trade bonkers.
> Its like finally giving in and accepting my place as the lowest trash above only NEETs.
how are you above a NEET because you soak dirty dishes in water and soap suds and then spray it off? even if you were a brain surgeon that does not make you above a NEET just because you are. you are too concerned with societies games and are playing the fiddle.

Why does working make you better than a NEET?


I didn't mean I were actually better than them, I meant from society's eyes. If I had the opportunity I would gladly live a NEET hermit life away from the world.


why even mention it at all if you dont think it is so and how is it relevant what norms think if you do not rely on them to feed you?
you get sick of NEETing in the end but it is probably better than working.


This shit needs to be shoved in Boomer's faces to realized how ridiculous modern society is.


lol no, I applied for a dishwasher job once and I got a email back after a couple days asking me to come in for a interview, didnt submit a resume or anything, but the interview is expected tbh, do you just expect to show up and start working when they never even met you before? there are probably some places that do that resume crap but most places will just hire anyone for such lowly jobs as long as they determine that youre not completely retarded in the 15min interview, people just like to cherrypick these kinda things to the worst possible


File: 1631503138460.jpg (602.82 KB, 1046x3230, 523:1615, 1613681931826.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Life is so dull, I barely enjoy anything anymore.

Some days are better than others I guess, but while there are times when I find some enjoyment in doing an activity, it's just not enough.

I think life has its good parts, I'd never imply that there is literally nothing good in this world, nothing to enjoy, there definitely is, but while I do admit this, I do not believe these are good enough to justify the effort that living demands, not even close.

I might be leaving soon.


>Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering, and only the very young or the very foolish imagine otherwise.

- George Orwell

You've gotta know when to exit, I guess.


>Life is so dull
When you build up enough assumptions and make a framework so rigid it suffocates you, then yes, life is boring.

But if you take a moment to drop all assumptions, then maybe you'll find it interesting again.

Frankly it requires a retreat from the usual, if you're able to make such a retreat. Unfortunately some people's circumstances require them to stay static, and for that I'm sorry


I know it's over- it never really began…
oh mother i can feel the soil falling over my head

I just cannot figure out why everything has to be so hard I hate having mental problems. I hate being confused and convinced things are happening that dont. I hate having a personality disorder. what is the point when the only thing you can enjoy is crying and you cant even do that anymore


Adam Lanza's yt channel has been found, it's probably going to be taken down soon because fuckers are already spamming the comment section with algorithm trigger words. It's very interesting, mostly ramblings, but i can imagine him posting here.


Here's a more well known audio tape you can match his voice to the main yt channel videos



After listening to him he may have done what he did for the benefit of humanity in his mind. One thing about antinatalisim and associated philosophy is that if you do not value personal freedom above all you can argue it is best to just murder people. why else would he kill children? he does not seem like he wants to cause more harm to people.


>see friend number tick down by one on steam
not again… everyone I have on steam is from this website, why do they always do this, maybe they think I wont notice them disappear


I couldn't imagine being friends with others from here. You guys obviously tried too hard to cross a certain boundary and understanding that anonymous communication is really the only thing possible.


I keep switching from loving my parents and being willing to sacrifice them for personal gain. One day I'd vow to not kill myself so I don't make my parent sad and to look for a job to support them. The next day, I'll get angry and ready to kill myself or other people in order to avoid working again. Is this BPD? Fuck me, let me be normal.


Looks like Youtube already deleted the channel. What a joke.


I'm quite similiar except I've given up on them and want to distance myself so I feel nothing.



>I might be leaving soon.

That sentence hit hard.


Where the fuck is the archive? Jesus fucking christ it's gone.


Okay found it:


I did such a deep dive into Lanza earlier this year, everything from the full FBI report to SBB posts to god knows what else - I thought for sure nothing more would come out, the smashed HD was forever gone and that was that. Unbelievable find!


They were good parents for you? Why would you be willing to kill them?


I am not going to kill them but have you read the Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka? Your relationship to other people is determined by what you can provide for them. They are good to me now but there are family situation is putting everybody under a lot of stress. Once they realize I am not getting better and will continue to be burden, their attitude will change. Again I am not going to kill them but I might subject them to a worse fate - to live to feeble old age with guilt and poverty from their only son killing himself. It feels me with regret too but living is also painful to me so it's a choice between sacrificing myself for others or sacrificing others for myself.


I wouldn't take fiction, let alone Kafka's, as gospel.


I think that is normal


>ride a bike for 20+ miles every day delivering food
>come home
>trash and clothes everywhere
>whole house smells like mildew,weed and rat shit
>days old food in the kitchen and in my moms/sisters rooms
being at home with my family pisses me off 100x more than dealing with shit at work. i cant think about shit in the real world because it makes me so mad so i daydream 24/7 and uncontrollably talk to myself even in public my family has fucked my mental state so much its unreal and i dont know what to do at this point. i want to just buy a van or something and live in that.


Ask them for some of that weed.


Are you an Uberwiz ? I hate this job so much sometimes, feel too exposed


Anyone else absolutely despises young people? Not children, they are fine, but people from like 12-20 years old. I know it shouldn't bother me but anytime I see or hear them in groups I am physically disgusted and repulsed for no reason.


not as an extreme reaction as yours but I do dislike them and it is of no fault of their own. Ever talked to the average zoomer?


Why is it so tiresome to talk with people? I get physically exhausted after having to interact with anyone. I had to talk to a doctor for an hour and then I came home and ate with some family while talking and it is all too much.



it is not even like I am nervous or anxious or anything it just feels like I have hidden programs in my brain running that quickly use all my energy.


Their enthusiasm, exuberance, and extroversion are all fucking annoying. Especially the last one. Normfucks at my job love to say hey yo what up man, always has the air like they are trying to make fun, even though they genuinely aren't, but it just seems like they are. And sometimes they actually are, and want to take a TikTok or some other gay shit. Their slang is also annoying as fuck. Fortunately since I don't really go out in public anymore I don't interest with zoomers except at work there are a few and online.


>mental warp


Wish I could be some passionate intellectual wizard hyperfocusing on solving math problems or making music. I could shut out the world and just be obsessed with my hobby.


Living with my aunt and her kids and never leave my room if I can help it but every single day if I see her she will go on and on about stuff in the panrty being out of order or some other bullshit I don't do. She leaves these passive aggressive notes on the kitchen bench detailing everything she is mad about like "who didn't put the ketchup away? who left crumbs on the ??" this all does my head in because I am rarely the one to blame and the house is kept very clean.


Same here.


File: 1632044580920.jpg (284.63 KB, 1583x1027, 1583:1027, image.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

i was scrolling through safebooru and found a character called thunder from succubi frontline. it made me remember when i was in 6th grade i also had a mark in my neck and stitches, although mine were nowhere as pretty as thunder's. i initially tried hiding it but in a pe class it was seen and word spread. i remember being called to the principals office and were asked if i needed help. i just kept shaking my head and saying im fine. also i remembered the first time i thought about suicide. i was about 6. my grandmother was dragging me through a subway station, i thought about running away from her and throwing myself in front of the coming train. back then i thought suicide is no different than any other form of murder so if you kill yourself youll go to hell but also i had recently heard all children go to heaven and thought maybe i could cheat the system. i remembered also when i was about 6 i had a notebook and liked drawing naked succubi, dresses and female accessories. my mother reprimanded me and i stopped. i wish i had gone a little further and found boorus then. i liked going to the library and picking up highshool and undergraduate level books when i was about 8. i self taught calc 1 when i was 11. not that its impressive. i wish i had gotten into programming earlier than even then, i wish i had a computer like when i was 4. 3 or younger is too unrealistic. i used to participate in all sorts of student events and usually outperformed most other participants thinking it could help me one day be accepted into a top university. i thought i had something very nice and good inside me and i sought to bring it out but the tools werent there and bad things kept seeping into me as i gradually lost hope and realized i was fighting for something unattainable. i think our personalities develop when were from 0 to 12 years old by making decisions, by choosing how to react and deal with problems, authority etc. i think ive been in very weird circumstances, im "damaged goods", i think that twisted me, bent me, over and over, and made me think im something im not, or some sort of thing like that. i dont know, at least i could have grown up to be a bitter thief sociopath. on the outside im still a boring quiet polite good egg door mat and a bit proud of it. sometimes i say i wish i had a normal life and get backlash for wanting to be a normalfaggot but i guess being normal means different things for different people. i like lurking imageboards and reading people talk aout their daily lives, its sour seeing things just come to some people and they dont have to lift a finger, i tried struggling and looking for a way out and yeah. some people would have you believe what really matters is something inside you, like good will or intuition or something of the sort, its absolutely not, if it were i wouldnt be here. there are practical things that get in the way and they can be bigger i think. i dont feel like im missing out on much, youre missing out on me. i could have made really amazing things with computers. it doesnt hurt me because i want things for myself, i wish i could show things only i can see to others. live to give. make others happy. before i picked up programming i thought i had seen everything and im old, now i think i havent even been born yet. before programming i used to think im weird and complex but now i think ive never started developing my own personality, and mentally im a kid still. i used to think determinism is inescapable but now i believe in some form of free will. ive become very addicted to reading, ive always liked reading and thought of the internet as a treasure chest of information but now much more so. it makes me believe in magic even. a magician is someone who can see the world differently who can do cool things like read grimoires with weird symbols and write scrolls with other weird symbols that accomplish useful tasks or in other words impact collective reality with their private minds. and thats what a programmer does really. there ahre people who will say its boring and a bad job but youre not using your head or thinking outside the box or you dont have passion or youre not programming things you really want. my mind really flies. i wish i had a second chance, i wish i were born in normal circumstances, i wish i had a computer earlier. i cant do it like this, its impossible, i think everything starts by believing its possible and imagining a way but i cant imagine a way out of here or believe i can do this, even though im very very proud of my belief and imagination. creativity or capacity for abstraction or whatever you call it its priceless. i think i have it like no one else but its been useless. theres that saying about the frog in the well. i want very much to get out but everything tells me i cant or shouldnt. ive spent the last half decade crying on bed almost every day wishing i could start over. i think if i could start over id spend every second of my free time learning maths, cs, and infosec, maybe a few other things later on, like genetics and anatomy and so on, but mostly programming a lot. i think its fair to find cryptocurrencies at the same time i found them in this life, but i wish i could have bought them then. normal people growing up have things like videogames and they buy a lot of clothes and they have cool stickers and i wonder where all that money comes from if they go to school and dont work. ive never had these things growing up. if i had money id have bought stocks and crypto and not spend it on anything else. everytime i used to save money my mother used to take it from me and at one point i gave up and began spending every money i had because its better to use it than to lose it. id do anything to get into a top uni like stanford, the eth or an ivy league. maybe a double degree in maths and cs and a ms in cryptography. id have spent all my free time when i was in school learning foundational maths like category theory, programming languages, opearting systems etc. cryptography is by far the most interesting thing in the world to me. then ai and physics. id never watch one anime or movie in my life, id never play one videogame, id never waste a second of my time doing anything else other than learning and working on projects and id think im just doing what im supposed to do. there are infinite things waiting to be made. so many exploits waiting to be found.


File: 1632044597872.png (14.79 MB, 2508x3889, 2508:3889, b28c29498d642a5778540e376b….png) ImgOps iqdb

i cant do it like this. i have a lot of sicknesses, im very ugly and poor, im not in school anymore, and even when i was i was cutting myself and getting hospitalized to make my stepfather stop hitting my mother and that sort of thing. every day was different, something happened every day, it was all confusing, and things happened faster than i could process. i dont know, i had no idea what to do, i didnt know how i supposed to deal with all that, i chose very bad forms of dealing with pressure, anxiety, fear, rejection and so on. entirely my fault. i remember one time in 4th grade when there was a conversation in a group and i tried to jump in and said something about how my mother used to choke me and beat my head with a pan and everyone was very freaked out and i realized i said something very stupid and ran from the classroom crying and hid in the bathroom, i thought i said something normal and was being normal and trying to make friends. im really retarded socially, to this day i havent learned how to talk with people, i always embarrass myself, its really mesmerizing watching conversations on discord irc etc and it seems everyone talks so naturally and they dont have to think twice about what they say and theyre accepted. at some point i must have started telling myself lies on a daily basis to run away and soon enough couldnt tell apart my lies apart from reality. also forcing myself to be someone im not, telling myself im just a faggot and i need more discipline, and grappling with myself, shoveling more and more inside. and always very frantic and agitated when i like calm and focus. i dont know what if you were like quiet and very introspective but could there be enough things and people trying to drag you out of your world and make you one of them. could you resist everything. i shouldnt have given in right. and abysmal confidence and self-esteem issues, like it disturbs you when you see yourself in a mirror or when you write your own name. im very unused to saying what i really think and hide behind many layers of masks. i dont know myself. im afraid of myself. i dont know i just wish i could start over, if im not what i think i am then i wish i were, i wish i were a good person no matter what that is, i wish i could provide for others. theres nothing better than making something only you can do and making someone happy by doing so. like ive said we make decisions growing up, and i think you can just choose to do what is right, or choose to be the best. some people would have you believe talent is innate, and that some people just "get it", i think talent too is in part choice, i.e. when you become interested in something, and let that take you over, and you choose to do or become whatever it takes to get as good as physically possible at something. but also do you know like when youre playing an eroge, and youre waiting for a choice moment, but it wont come, and you get locked to a route you didnt want, and wonder what did you do wrong. i dont know. i think theres no replacement for a stable childhood where you get to develop a skill of your choice. im not used to thinking my opinion matters or that they could be right but in my own view i havent had a childhood. i could just forget all this and give myself a last chance but i dont want to forget what happened. i dont want to move forwards, and theres nothing else i can do anyways. i cant "make it". im finished. i wish i had had a chance. maybe i had and just failed, then i wish i were different, i dont like being myself. they will say you shouldnt care about others but i dont think thats nice. i think its over when you stop caring. it would be very easy and convenient and then i could do absolutely anything i want right. but im very afraid. what if i cant do it. i dont know. i feel that click and that i see much more clearly now, but its just too late and unrealistic. change comes from within but it would be useless now more than ever. maybe i shouldnt, maybe im not supposed to, its really not for me, and it would be wrong or i could break something if i did it. like someone like me isnt supposed to try it even if i could do it. i dont know. i just wanted to say i was right here and i think i existed, or could have existed, but i guess that goes for everyone else too, and they wont complain about it, i dont know. but in practice im just garbage. im the npc, im the unimportant nobody with no thoughts or feelings or anything that just exists in a meme culture, the biggest normalfaggot on earth and im not even a boomer. basement internet trolls, african children who play in the mud, and real retards like with downs syndrome are all better people than me. i messed everything up. im a pea brain. pea brain.




I guess you could say that you're feeling a bit crabby after the experience


Wrong tab, buddy, this ain't 4chad.


I'm lying in bed almost all day (like Renato Ruiz in this photo).


It's extremely annoying to have normalnigger sounds in your apartment that disturb a wizard's much needed silence and peace.
To be fair he shouldn't be sad that he didn't get invited. That's not wizardly. But fueling the hate for normalniggers is always a good thing. He's probably still an apprentice.


> But fueling the hate for normalniggers is always a good thing
I disagree. you can just be indifferent I get being frustrated when they are annoying you but hating anyone is a waste of energy.


File: 1632140265218.png (99.63 KB, 500x654, 250:327, israel morning.png) ImgOps iqdb


>dont hate normies its just a waste of energy come on bro

Gee, who could be behind this post


so instead of telling me why it is wrong to not waste your energy with hate you just call me a jew? way to show you are barely old enough to post here


You can just be indifferent to me hating normalniggers. I get being frustrated but hating people on wizchan is just a waste of energy


half drunk again… out of alcohol…


How can people be so oblivious to the festering wounds of the world. How can they be so blind to the unending horrors of existence. How can they gaze upon this hellscape and talk about the beautiful drama of life, as if they're not knee-deep in the same shit themselves. Talk about Stockholm syndrome, not only we're trapped in this prison but our cellmates are actual looneys to top it off


Parents are pressuring me to get a job again and supposedly it's for my own sake. I am honestly completely fucking baffled at how they time and time again fail to grasp the basic fundamentals of what is wrong with me. How the fuck do you think forcing me to be a wage slave is supposed to help me be happy? I'm not happy because I have an inability to form friendships with people due to social anxiety and avoidant personality syndrome. We've been over this over and over again but they're like goldfish, somehow they just think if I get a job I will suddenly be a normal and happy person. It's just hilariously retarded.


It took my parents seeing me fail at multiple jobs and quitting within two weeks to finally get it with lots of arguing in between. Try again at a McDonalds or something then just say you were bullied for your problems you listed.


can you do therapy or something? if you just need friends to be happy consider yourself lucky and good luck with that.
normalfags would rather push their kid to kill themselves over constant job pestering instead of actually helping them be happy. messed up


they don't actually care if you're happy they just want you to get a job


I always thought that everyone on /dep/ had problems like a dysfunctional family, autism etc. But you seem to have a pretty good life. How did you end up here?


sad. i tried to get willpower yet failed again. i just i need to go back to my usual routine where i do the exact same thing day after day after day…


My college exams for this semester are coming soon.

2 on thursday.
2 on friday.
2 on monday.
2 on tuesday.
8 exams in the span of just a few days, starting this week.

I haven't even started studying yet.
I didn't study at all, all semester long, which is what most of my colleagues do to succeed.
Even the lazier ones have at least been studying since the last few days, while I'm just doing nothing.

I've skipped all classes I could so far this semester, and didn't pay attention in the ones I attended.
So I don't even know any of the topics, I don't even know what's going to be asked of me.
I don't know anything, and yet I'm not even trying to save the situation.
A normal person would be desperately trying to study as much as possible now.
You know what I mean, those all nighters studying like mad, out of fear of failure.
I've done enough of those in the last few years, I'm sick of them.
Just the thought of opening up a book and reading a single page, trying to memorize a single piece of information.
It sickens me now.
I feel like I've reached terminal burnout, chronic exhaustion, I rest, I sleep, but I'm still tired.
I do care about what will happen to me, but not enough to do anything.

I'll drop out after this semester, because I'll fail everything, then it's a NEET life for me.
At least until my parents confront me about it and force me to work, or get help.
When that happens I'll just kill myself.


same spot
i'm tired of the busy work
remembering random bullshit information about a man-made system i don't care about

multiple times i've been in your spot and tried both options
1: study endlessly and barely fail
2: just give up

i've gone for 2. am i happy? not sure. would i be happy with #1? hell no


Indeed, it's all just too tiresome.
I've always gone for the 1st option you've mentioned, but I'm sick of it now.
It's a matter of suffering for the sake of possibly avoiding future suffering.
We'll be suffering all of the time either way.
I'm at a point in which I see the point of life as avoiding one's own suffering.
Yet here I am, in a situation in which every option is suffering, just in a different way.
It's literally a matter of picking your poison, but I don't want to be poisoned.
For now I'm going with the 2nd option, something I've never done before.
I believe my life will be better as a NEET really.
Like, let's say I stay in college, graduate, get a job, all of that stuff, what for?
So I can get a house, afford food, invest in hobbies, etc.
It's all for the sake of being able to satisfy one's natural necessities and desires for pleasure.
I already have that though, my parents make sure my natural necessities are always satisfied.
Regarding hobbies, I'm already sick of most I've had anyways, to me they're just distractions now.
Like, my life as a NEET, and my life as a college graduate will be basically the same.
The main difference is that my life as a working adult will be more tiresome and stressful.
Only problem is that a NEET I'd have less selfesteem, but I already have none, so to me it makes no difference.
Staying in college and graduate would only make sense to me if I cared about my degree and/or had dreams, but I don't.
So a NEET life makes a lot more sense, same result, less misery to get there.
If my parents get too sick of me for it then I'll just quit it all, it's fine.
I feel like we're pretty similar, anon.


>When that happens I'll just kill myself.
I was telling myself I'd do this but It's much much harder to actually follow through so be careful what you wish for. Don't end up in a similar situation like me: Failed a semester, got humiliated and nagged by parents, now I have OCD and hate uni with all my heart and yet I'm still in college…
Although I'm finishing it now, this degree doesn't mean shit unless u excel in this field, which I obviously don't.
When you said every option is suffering, just in a different way, that's completely true. It's neetdom or death for some of us and inflicting death upon ur self is hard.


even NEETdom is suffering but you can at least sleep or do what you want (nothing).


i've been close to graduation, but I was forced to go into internships and it killed me. Dropped out because I just could not pass them in any way.

The internships were hell because you're being thrown into a competition of arse-licking. If you really just stand back and watch, it's impossible to not be "blackpilled". Good looking people advance far easier. It doesn't matter how good you are at your job. Being able to talk with the egoistic bosses is far more important. Not about the job, mind you, no. About kids, about vacations. If you don't have life experiences you're fucked.

Oh, and 50% of your colleages are dumbfucks who are just loud. You don't get to choose them. That annoying person in class? you are going to be working together, and that person will earn more because they were more charming at the application process.


I understand that the risk of me not being able to go through with my plans does exist, due to survival instinct, fear of death and even fear of hell. However I'm confident that I can pull it off, while my colleagues were all going to classes I was working on my suicide method instead, so I'm in a situation in which I can literally try it tonight if I want to, but I'm not rushing.

I can see myself ending up in this same situation you've mentioned, getting humiliated and nagged by parents is a certainty, I just don't know if I'll stay in college after that, and I'm sure I won't be capable of finishing it.

Either way I appreciate your warning, I do understand that while I may have a plan, executing it is much more difficult than planning it, time will tell if I'll have it in me to do this. Either way I'm sorry to hear about what happenend to you, it sounds like hell, and I hope things can get better once you do finish college, so good luck, anon!

Indeed, in a way it's what I already do, instead of studying and attending classes I stay in my room, either in bed relaxing or trying to entertain myself by consuming media or forcing myself to do some of my old hobbies in hopes of getting some enjoyment. I'm not happy, but would I be happier if I spent all of my time doing everything my colleagues are always doing? No.

Internships sound like hell, I'm glad I'll be dropping out before getting to them, not only am I the ugliest in class, which leaves me at a disadvantage from the get go, but I'm not an ass licker, but many people in my college are, so I'm sure our bosses would love them and I'd be the least favorite, making things even worse.


I like reading threads and posts by people who are intelligent but I'm not intelligent enough myself to really participate. I don't like to try because my contributions are almost always pointless. They inevitably move into territory I'm interested in but too dumb too follow.
I get really frustrated seeing especially stupid posts, pointless bickering with arguments that go around in circles missing key points…but I'm not smart enough to actually describe whatever they are and point them out to other people. I feel like I probably belong with dumber people but I really fucking hate them.


>I like reading threads and posts by people who are intelligent but I'm not intelligent enough myself to really participate. I don't like to try because my contributions are almost always pointless. They inevitably move into territory I'm interested in but too dumb too follow.
You might see your contributions as pointless, but perhaps there's someone out there reading them and thinking in the same way as you, how they like to read this post by someone they find intelligent, but prefer not to participate, you'd never know, so you might aswell speak what's on your mind, anon, maybe by moving into territory you feel like you're too dumb to follow you might get used to it with time and will start feeling more comfortable moving into said territory.


File: 1632426199127.jpg (94.47 KB, 700x700, 1:1, Comfort-Is-A-Drug.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Recently I've stumbled upon this picture, and it broke me.

I've always been a weak person, and right now I'm messing everything in my life up. I have no dreams, and I'm ok with throwing my life away if it means not having to put effort into anything, I'm a NEET that just stays in his room all day every day.

However, comfort is what everyone strives for, it's the point of all effort, so why should I feel bad about already having that which many do everything for the sake of having? I've already won in a way, so of course I have no drive, there isn't really anywhere to go from here.

Why would our main common goal as people be such a bad thing? Why does too much of something good have to be so bad for us? It feels like life is just a sick joke, like it's constantly mocking us.


I never had any ambitions or dreams to begin with, now what? I might as well not exist.


I know what you mean, anon, I did have ambitions and dreams at one point, but now I'm in the same state as you are, no drive to do anything.

The only reason I can see for me to do things I don't want to do, like studying or working, is because I need a degree and/or a job, to get money, to afford my basic needs, and for leisure in case I can sabe some of the money.

The problem is, my family already takes care of that, I have food and shelter, always did, and even leisure, mostly due to my laptop and PS4. I don't have ambitions or dreams, so why would I go out of my way to do anything? The reason people do anything is to get to a state in which their basic needs are satisfied, once you get to that state what are you supposed to do then?

I can only see one reason people would do anything after already achieving this, and that's if they have something they genuinely want to accomplish, and I don't, the problem is that society looks down of me for that, and my parents resent me for being a NEET and leeching of them.


File: 1632574474851.jpg (75.04 KB, 630x469, 90:67, maslow-needs-wizchan2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My entire life has been a COPE.


the maslow pyramids with sex on the bottom are nicer imo


they are bullshit.


File: 1632588927473.png (239.8 KB, 1280x970, 128:97, MASLOWCOPE.png) ImgOps iqdb

Brown to indicate shit.


It's bad and it's gonna be worse. I'm rapidly losing the grasp on reality and see an urgent need to return to deluding myself like when I was a teenager.


I hate sharing this board with 18-19yolds. They are still mentally children and should not be allowed to post here.


see you in 10 or or so years when kids come up with another new trendy buzzword and draw them into the pic lie you did


you're not allowed to say the word cope anymore?


no, you can say whatever you want, it just look childish and retarded. Not just cope, all these new buzzwords like, normie, redpill, based, etc


I'm the one who posted the first image, not the guy you replied to. But considering the thread topic and board, I thought injecting a bit of humor wouldn't be a bad thing.

Anyway, his response made me laugh at least.


I'm at the point where i have to look at pages like https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/cope to try to understand wizchan comments. Sad


Cope is used as an actual word too, not just a meme.



that only makes it more confusing


Yeah. Actually, man's brain doesn't fully develop until age 25.


File: 1632801902796.jpeg (45.7 KB, 500x680, 25:34, 2B89E92A-7C51-4286-8B0F-7….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

I watched a miniseries trying to stay up late enough to reset my sleep schedule, and the big happy ending was a dozen people winding up in new/renewed happy relationships, most of them including children. I’m now somehow too bummed out to sleep and my schedule will still be fucked as now I’ll wake up too late.
I hate being genetic refuse sometimes. Easy and natural for 90+% of the population, denied to me.
I wish I’d been mercy killed as soon as it was clear I was fucked as a kid.


i hate college so much. i dont belong here. i dont want to spend my life being stressed out at boring paperwork and computers. but i also dont want to spend my life making 30k/yr and i hate talking to people and i hate manual labor. so im fucked. i really dont know where to go


File: 1632803525375.jpg (485.58 KB, 1080x1107, 40:41, ktv9bys92mj61.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


this is retarded. why would i not want to be comfortable? words like "ambition", "dreams", and so on are just copes to keep normalshits working. i guarantee whoever made that picture is not moving the world and living their fantasies. i dont care what you say or if its normal or not, i am not getting a job


>having the ablity to go to collage


File: 1632812558424.gif (1.07 MB, 720x405, 16:9, 65284fdf990af868c2a0d42a3c….gif) ImgOps iqdb

>the big happy ending was a dozen people winding up in new/renewed happy relationships, most of them including children
Sounds GREAT! What was it?


Every attempt at trying to anything other than refreshing websites or playing casual games never gets anywhere. I'd have a day or two where I make good progress learning programming or working out and then it'll be two or three weeks until I touch them again. I have no idea how to explain my condition other than I just feel like shit and has an excessive aversion to discomfort and lucid self awareness. It's a given that changing your personality is going to be painful but I just don't have the will to go through the pain. What I want and subconsciously fulfill with my behavior is just to forget I exist and simulate a state of unconsciousness while being awake. I don't want to kill myself, only to be unconscious forever, which I feel there is a difference between the two even if I can't articulate it. But I don't have a choice. The clock is ticking and my "self improvement" is not going anywhere, so suicide is really the only realistic solution.


I too have this lack of willpower. I've seen that it is quite common nowadays. I wonder what are its possible causes. Maybe it's some form of learned helplessness?


There's a book called Atomic Habits. I tried to put its teachings to work but I cannot manage to complete even the first, easiest steps. Maybe it's learned helplessness, maybe it's a self-defeating belief system , maybe it's just some predisposition to waste. I don't know. I think aboriginals aren't too far from the truth when they say that some people are just cursed.


All I care about is getting to the library and playing wow on max settings on their kick-ass pcs


Work had a restructure of how they do things. Before that I only had to interact with a handfull of coworkers. Now I am on the phone with so many people and customers despite my boss know I have slight lisp and stutter. Didnt even get any training whatsoever of what the fuck I am suposed to do, so I have to even more phone around to the seniors and ask the most basics questions.
I really am fantasizing of quitting but this shit is commonplace everywhere and the only jobs I could realisticly get would pay 15k before taxes less than I already "earn". Doubt I would even get one, since I am not presentable, boring and shooting 35.


Can't sleep, can't fuck around on my PC, can't do anything besides lie on my left side with my eyes closed because it dulls my head-splitting migraine to a medium throbbing pain.


keep drinking water and don't stop, that's the best cure for brainpain


Proper hydration is underrated


File: 1632881506590.jpg (12.94 KB, 336x328, 42:41, 1475872890420.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>Graduated last March
>Still unable to find even a shitty manual labor slave job
>Never get a call back from interviews even though they all say they will
>Nearing 30 with little to no job experience
I think I'm about to just drop out of the job market entirely and just watch anime and shitpost until I decide it's finally time to check out. This worlds going to hell anyway, fuck it


>Nearing 30 with little to no job experience
It's already over in that case tbh


Went through the same thing. I had le STEM college degree meme, and then over the course of a year went through hundreds of job applications that started off with me being very egotistical, and I steadily lowered and lowered and lowered my expectations and still didn't even get interviews. My father accused me of not even sending out job applications, and upon showing him a folder I had filled with hundreds of them he shut up, got depressed for like a week, and I ended up getting a trash job through the most blatant familial nepotism.

The world is rigged. I don't blame you.


what do we do if we are 30+ and have no skills or experience working and suddenly have to work? do we just go to college and get a degree to get hired or something?


You settle for what they offer you. Low skill, entry level, soul sucking jobs like call centers.



but this is not nice at all and I dont wanna.

how miserable.


college degrees are useless maybe read the posts directly above you to see that…


I get NEETbux luckily but if I did not get it anymore I would be screwed rght?


Yes. Unless you have connections with your family or something, that could be an instant fix


What was your major?


I drink six or more liters a day. I don't think it's related to dehydration. It coincidentally disappeared for awhile soon after I bitched about it here, but I've felt it on and off all day today as well now.


It really is troubling being in your mid 20s with nothing going on and nothing to show for it. I can only imagine how much more hellish the incline gets as you get older.

I look back fondly to being a comfy NEET fresh out of school, playing games, having fun on the net - it might end up being the best time of my life. Now that sublime feeling is gone and instead replaced with a nagging feeling that I need to be productive and play catchup at all times, except I don't know where to start and everything is too much.


Yeah you may worry about this until you hopefully let go and stop judging yourself on normalfag standards.

The NEET honeymoon period is one thing I don't see discussed enough as a warning to potential NEET. When you sign up to do what you want and have fun or just not need to work blah blah you are signing up for reaching a point of no return and having to embrace failure.


So are college grads not even worthy of manual labor now? Holy fuck, bring on the rapture already.


Nobody ends up in those jobs because they want to.


File: 1633046499584.jpg (249.35 KB, 799x775, 799:775, 1610768924955.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I just got a job and my role is to help my father friend who happens to be a house painter, it's so frustrating because I'm extremely autistic and I do things wrong, he constantly yells at me and put me down saying that with my age he already had a family, a car or whatever
Im afraid of going to work tomorrow and he yells at me again


File: 1633049302949.jpeg (30.64 KB, 600x446, 300:223, E18A65D7-D2F9-4C63-A66C-3….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb


Nice optimism edit.


Genx and Boomerfags had it way easier than us.


Subsidized housing sounds so fucking nice. My half-brother is disabled because of shit genetics and has it. Pays 300$ a month for a swanky gated studio apartment in prime location. The usual going price for equivalent around here is 1200-1500. I try not to be intensely jealous.


This. It's literally dropping out from society.


I'm so depressed I can't even sleep.
If guns were allowed where I live, I would have left this world by now.


File: 1633088537586.png (103.55 KB, 850x600, 17:12, suicide-rates-by-country.png) ImgOps iqdb

I'm really surprised the suicide rates haven't skyrocketed for millenials/zoomers yet.

I'm also surprised that suicide rates in the 1900s were so high.


Can someone really get that much neetbux in a month


If you are asking if it is possible to receive that much in funds allocated to helping someone who cannot work, the answer is yes.

The individual may not get that exact amount in cash value he can spend on whatever he wants but it is not uncommon to get a lot of money for free.

Are you disabled? you may be able to get NEETbux plus free/near free housing for that much.

Serious mental health issues that compromise your ability to function can count but if you are currently working you may be unable to claim depending on your residency.


Not really. It caps out at about $1k/month, plus whatever you get for food stamps. As long as you're in subsidized housing though you should be whistling dixie with just that.


Indeed those things happened to me and not much because of comfort.


I think boomers do realize yet they may just want to nag us


should i make a youtube channel? i need some place to vent my frustrations and anonymous IBs aren't doing it for me.


Couldn't hurt as long as you don't dox yourself. people in comments can be quite insightful


yeah i will probably wear a ski mask or just not show my face at all. but ive been locked in silent monologue in my head for so long. the only thing that listens to my soliloquies are my plants


Make a blog or join a small social media site. I'd be too worried about doxxing myself accidentally or something


maybe try make a friend? you could meet someone who is not very social on omegle and try hit it off from there or something


i dont think it would work. its like the hedgehog's dilemma. and i dont really care for online friendships


idk why but i always recall this dumb phrase: maybe life is only bad because you choose to have a bad outlook on it.
so the babies born with aids or without skin or a brain, they just had a bad outlook? their problems only exist because i acknowledge they exist? i don't understand the phrase's message past being used as a veiled insult against pessimistic or pragmatic worldviews. i wish i could forget ever hearing something so fucking stupid.


the only people who say this are normalcattle who have the privilege of having nothing "wrong" with them


Have you ever wondered why people like to talk so much? Sometimes I wish I was technically a mute person. Talking is so useless. Talking is in vain. Talking is exhausting. I always have to force myself just to say anything because usually I don't think there is anything important to say. I am always perplexed when I hear people talk and they seem to enjoy it. It makes feel out of place. Talking beyond absolute necessity should be banned. I want to make this my quest. I want a mute society.


it is a hobby nearly everyone has.
you can use it to pas the time I guess…


Those of you who actually manage to have one or two friends, probably online. Do you ever feel like they only continue to stay in contact with you just to be polite, and don't actually like you all that much?


i have people i talk with online and we all generally like eachother but i think there is a limit to how much you can genuinely connect with someone without flesh
and i dont mean like sex or anything but you can't really create super strong memories with people you cant see, whos names you don't really know, whos personal histories you don't truly know etc
theres no subsitute for the real thing i miss having real tangible friends its been so long i almost don't even remember what it felt like


Anons, have any of you felt that you became more irritable with time as your depression got worse?

I feel like any small thing is enough to piss me off and make me rage.
Depending on how fed up I feel, and how many annoying things happen in a day, I can have a genuine breakdown.
My body starts shaking, and I'll punch and kick things, either parts of my body, stuff in my room, or the walls.
There were a couple of instances in which I was sure I had broken a bone or something.

I feel angry at my sister for daring to walk around the house and go to the kitchen at the same time as me when I prefer being alone.
I feel angry at family members for calling me when I'd rather not talk to anyone.
I feel angry at my parents for never knocking on the door when coming into my room.
I feel angry at clingy people I know online for messaging me everyday and wanting to talk for hours.
I feel angry at classmates for always asking about things they could figure out for themselves if they did any research whatsoever.
I feel angry at classmates for being so much better than me.
I feel angry at teachers for always making the dumbest and most inconvenient decisions that force me to leave my home.
I feel angry at my hobbies for not being enjoyable anymore.
I feel angry at videogames for beating me.
I feel angry at fans of teams I dislike for mocking the one I support.
I feel angry at people online for having different views from my own and expressing them.

I can objectively understand that the things that annoy me aren't a big deal at all, and normally I wouldn't even care much about them.
However, even if my consciousness can understand this, my emotions feel out of my own control.
I wasn't like this before, sure, I'd have moments in which I got mad, everyone does, but not at every little thing.
I'd never get as angry as I do now too, usually it was more grounded, now I feel like my body is starting to fail and breaking down.

I'm fucked in the head.


I have the same problem with anger. With each passing day, I get angrier, and since I have nothing to vent my anger with, I simply suppress it. Even my hair is falling out, I think it's because of irritation.


It feels so strange not to have any motivation to do anything other than basic survival. I don't even want to survive, fuck this man. Who wants to be alive? I swear humanity as whole just makes all these stupid copes for persisting on this shitty rock.


Another birthday alone.

I'd be lying if I said the shit doesn't get underneath my skin sometimes.


Wait a sec. Do we all here resent social isolation? I do not, really…

But I still remember to suffer a lot when I did.


I love social isolation but people who dont- dont get to choose to sadly. some of us have extra hurdles as a wiz


I like being by myself, yeah. But sometimes it hits on birthdays. Like no texts or anything. It's like being a ghost.


I've always enjoyed solitude too but there's a big difference between simply being an introvert and being completely alienated from human interaction


It was always unrequited, if I stopped talking the 'friendship' was as good as gone.


My parents are threatening to kick me out of the house if I don't stick to a mentally and physically exhausting 9-5 job with a payment of literally $6 a day
I curse my family for having me born in a shithole third world country


Thanks to diversity hiring practices, the only way to get a job without the help of family is by being a racial minority, convict or both. You're fucked as a NEET if you don't fit into either of those categories.


I should have been dead years ago and now I am a husk walking this earth.


Same brother same, how are you coping?


alright i decided im gonna start venting by making youtube videos instead of ranting to retards on wizchan. look out for a new video called "script for a jestermaxxer's tear" coming out soon


fresh lolcow content


I hate zoomers, I hate their stupid humor, I hate how they act and what they are. I hate that they are everywhere on the interwebs, even here. Especially here.
Every generation is flawed, but zoomers are the absolute worst.
Millennials who act like zoomers are beyond pathetic.


I haven't been keeping up with the latest generation. What bs have they been doing that's particularly egregious?


same. I can understand when they talk about their hobbies, like this one old man who like to fish talks about his fishing trips. I dont know the exact ratio but it feels like 80% of stuff they talk is just random bullshit or retales of stuff that happened to them. "Hurr I drank this and this with this faggot in this shithole last weekend". It asinine, redundant and empty.
Or maybe I have simply nothing in my life going on I could talk about? Is what I thought, but I am learing how to play a piano (can do simple songs), yet never had the need to talk about it with anyone, be it family, the obligatory lunch gathering, people online (this is the first time in my life I am mentioning this and I am at it since 2017)


>yet never had the need to talk about it with anyone
Normalfags are almost entirely incapable of acting as their own emotional support. The idea itself is nearly alien to them. They "need" to validate their own experiences through the lens of others reactions. I am told this is healthy.


>Normalfags are almost entirely incapable of acting as their own emotional support. The idea itself is nearly alien to them.
I think it is more they cannot see through the facade normalfags wear and mistake people being superficial as being genuine when the vast majority of their interactions are fake.

You are talking about people who post on social media about being sad and get replies like "you are wonderful don't fel sad we love you" and feel better somehow.


File: 1633433427170.webm (1.96 MB, 404x720, 101:180, 1627674558203.webm) ImgOps iqdb

nuff said


Why do these fucker know Tankmen?


Friday Night Funkin was made by Tom Fulp, so it dragged a lot of zumers to NG where it was hosted. Tankmen's homoerotic humour was rewired to be LGTQ propganda for last year's Tank Day so they became a symbol of dick suckery. To draw a tankmen as a zumzum is to say "I accept dick suck lifestyles and am therefor not a national socialist"


>Friday Night Funkin
Haven't been to newgrounds in years, what is Friday Night Funkin?


it's a fad


A cheap Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe clone. It got popular because the full release is modable with custom skins and tracks. Somebody on Gamebanana made a Stonetoss/Amogus mashup skinpack that went viral and exposed the game to all of the seasonal meme-game chasers who stream the latest hits (like Amongus) for $$$. Newgrounds' Pico, of Columbine Highschool Massacre joke game fame, is a battleable foe. During one of last year's gay pride months, Tom Fulp announced that Pico, who has canonically been chasing yellow pussy for 20 years, is now a homosexual child. This revelation, much like Spongebob Squarepants' "coming out" announcement, was met with (((journalist))) praise, and so the game was included free of charge in many "gay pride" game pack sales, which put it in the hands of all the zumzumzums who wanted to virtue signal that they like gay people on their Steam profiles and MAL accounts. Basically, the same-old same-old runaround tween gay-mer kerfuffle that we see with every new indie game.


can someone explain this webm? what is happening here. Are most people like this now or are these the new "weebs" and "nerds" in the hierarchy?

is that thing with the cat ears just a fag? dont these kids get bullied anymore what is going on

this sounds real but sounds like it really should not be real.


>I hate zoomers so much I save their videos and know everything to do with them


>hate spiders? that must mean you secretly wish to fuck spiders.


People always say that folk who hate gays secretly want to fuck guys themselves, WHICH WORRIES THE SHIT OUT OF ME BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE DOGS.


>(((journalist))) praise
What? Actual journalists or just some internet "journalists"?

Why is even newgrounds popular with the retard generation? Didn't flash die like last year? What's there on newgrounds besides, I don't know, porn? For the idiot zoomers to latch on to?


>Are most people like this now or are these the new "weebs" and "nerds" in the hierarchy?

I don't know what they are but there are no more nerds/geeks/weebs. These things are something new.


File: 1633486453940.png (401.85 KB, 700x394, 350:197, chrichan.png) ImgOps iqdb

Are…Zoomers all Chris-chan?


That's college right? Right?


that wouldn't make it much better.


It's not college. The kids are like 4 feet tall. It could be middleschool but I think it's most likely 5th grade elementary school


LMAO that mexican dude in the corner trying not to act like hes a part of that is literally me


I'm sure it's middle school. The blond succubus at :27 has visible breasts.


Are your parents still comparing you to your peers at the ripe old age of 30+? Still expecting you to get a high-paid job with a high-status wife and kids and a house?

My father's a dumbass borderline imbecile and my mother is insane, almost 30 years of non-stop screaming and shouting. Like even I wanted to conform to their wants, it's like "you made a genetic dead end and it's not as if you had good genetics to begin with."

Don't earn enough to live on my own. Even if I could afford it, they'll threaten that they won't leave the (shitty) house to me in their will if I decide to live on my own.


Not really but in a way yes.

My mother has said before she will see young men working or with a succubus and a baby and get sad because she wishes that were me. I have explained I dont enjoy interacting with people at all and I do not wish to be a normalfag but mothers will be mothers.


obviously. I am "lucky" enough that my slavery can afford me rent. Still visit my mom and every so often am subjected to the "Oh this womans son is got this job" "you remember this lad? He is getting maried" "you know muhammed who went to prison? He now has a better life then you could possible lead" and so on. Worst thing is there is no hostility or malice in it. She genuinley thinks this is information that should be shared and shared with me - even though everytime I audible protest that I dont care and dont want to hear. Sometimes it stops her for that day but it will happen again. And again.


I have "back home" parents, the thought of even entertaining the idea that I won't get married is abbhorent to them, no matter if my prospects of getting married even if I wanted to are abysmal.

And when it comes to jobs, they keep telling me to go back to school to get a(nother) degree and point out the 2 doctor sons of their friends (of their friends).


I don't know if I'm lucky that my mom has never said any of these things to me or unlucky in that mom just doesn't care about me enough to even bring them up.


I've got a few more years to 30 but my parents think Im mentally retarded


mine know I am too mentally broken to live a normal life or want one. They still try in their own way though like my father will make his church pray for me but praying is his answer to everything and I just hav not prayed enough to not be mentally ill in his opinion.

we are like the chocolate bars that fell on the floor in the factory or something. defective and that is all


what do they try to do exactly? My parents arent religious but I think they just are happy that I can get help for mental illness, like medications and services, people like us are too far gone and have bigger problems than not having a wife


i fucked my fleshlight so hard that i got a friction burn on my penis. right where the shaft and the balls meet. im doing nofap until it heals and its killing me that i cant have any release. i mean, as a sexless male, masturbation is all i have. without it what would a poor boy do?


Just cheer yourself up by thinking of how hard you'll nut next time when it's all healed. And let it be a lesson to always make sure you have enough lube.


I havent fapped in weeks, are you 15 years old or something?


>people like us are too far gone and have bigger problems than not having a wife

The thing is, it's not about you, it's about them and their set-in-stone viewpoint. Regardless of whether hilariously outdated or irrelevant to you.


Actually my parents are both very wizard friendly, my brother is a wizard most likely, I will be next year and our younger brother will probably be a school shooter or wizard too.
Problem is we can't really afford that, I wageslave to have at least a fighting chance at not being homeless this decade.
Hearing older co-workers talking about their children and all that, I'm certain of one thing. I didn't have a normal upbringing, and normal parents. I was doomed to be who I am.


19 years old, in the confidence of my youth
yeah ive been cheaping out and only using the bare minimum since im poor. im almost out of astroglide and i think its dogshit so im switching to gun oil. but i was also gooning for like two hours so maybe i shouldnt do that


>19 years old
Aren't you too young to lose all hope?
Most young adult are virgins.
You're still good just be more disagreeable and risk taking and go socialize with other people.


Fuck off with this absolute normalfag advice.


I don't know how to stop waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, seeing how ugly I look, how stupid my hair looks, getting completely deflated and then feeling like a walking corpse for the rest of the day and not being able to operate at all, I'm so fucked up. Sometimes I just want to shave my fucking head because whatever I do with my hair it looks retarded and floppy, but being a baldie would just accentuate my ugly face.
This might seem petty but I've extrapolated this to life or death, that if I can't look acceptable then it's over for me, I won't be able to do anything. It's like I have body dysmorphia but it's justified because I objectively look retarded.


Bitch I'm a 29 yo khhhv, I don't care what you think. Wizkids should gtfo this site and try fix their life first.


They should really make this board 21+

>It doesn’t matter how smart teens are or how well they scored on the SAT or ACT. Good judgment isn’t something they can excel in, at least not yet.

>The rational part of a teen’s brain isn’t fully developed and won’t be until age 25 or so.

>In fact, recent research has found that adult and teen brains work differently. Adults think with the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s rational part. This is the part of the brain that responds to situations with good judgment and an awareness of long-term consequences. Teens process information with the amygdala. This is the emotional part.

>In teens' brains, the connections between the emotional part of the brain and the decision-making center are still developing—and not always at the same rate. That’s why when teens have overwhelming emotional input, they can’t explain later what they were thinking. They weren’t thinking as much as they were feeling.

tldr You don't belong here.


File: 1633548383551.jpg (216.25 KB, 800x929, 800:929, feverish_by_saskle_d9qdu05….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Learning music was something that I always wanted to do, but I can't even afford a shitty midi keyboard with my minimum wage job, and something that botters me is that I'm getting older and as I get older things gets harder to learn


whenever i talk to normalgroids for more than two seconds i become infuriated at their stupidity and i lose all interest in them the second they open their retarded mouths. i dont want to be a part of their culture because they would just bring me down


have you tried not caring about such vain things? this entire problem is self created because you choose to buy into it.


But our happiness must never rely on such things, oh, VISITOR.



I feel that I am much more relaxed when I haven't used the I internet, specifically competitive online games and image boards, for a few days.


Go back to r9k, kid.


how do they bring you down? they may annoy me I do not care to much to engage in their games they value so I keep to myself.

I do not hate normies they are living their life as we are living our lives and they happen to enjoy things a lot of us do not enjoy or would not know how to enjoy.

>go socialize with other people.
anyone who actually enjoys being social can fuck off. I can tolerate if people here like to be social online anonymously but telling people to go socialize you may as well not say anything. if the mage belongs here he does not ENJOY being social and not because he is unable to but because it is an empty sum game where you gain NOTHING.


You really should stop interacting with him (unless you're a teenager yourself, then you both should leave), his brain is still developing.


>how do they bring you down?
two reasons:

one: they are stupid, unthinking, and unfeeling. if i dont address them as normalcattle, i call them sleepwalkers. because they just go through life playing by the rules, buying all they've sold, conforming to what the majority does and thinks, without ever questioning what kind of bullshit they are made to believe. like for example, advertising has made many normalswine believe that a mans sexual virility is directly proportional to his ability to consume. when i have to hear this stupid dogshit that they spew, i cant help but become furious at their ignorance.

two: all they do is conform, conform, conform, and when you converse with them they expect you to do the same. fuck that




Ignore it, they'll eventually give up and go back to discord or whatever the new shit that zoomers do in their spare time pretending not to socialize with people.


Literally this comment is against the rules you realize.

I don't like zoomers either but you have to remember that 4chan does range bans for profit and zoomers, especially if some bum that can't fit in that never gets a job, will be bums with cellphones, ergo a dynamic IP, ergo they can't buy a pass. Also discord due to invites will gate keep harder than most places of which means autistic types won't use it as they'd be banned to easily. I doubt anyone uses discord that is addicted to imageboards and when it's spammed that was just someone paid to advertise the thing, normalfaggy raids aside.

Our brains never stop changing you realize. By the time we are 25 they start dying, before then the male isn't even a complete adult yet despite 25+ being your best by date.

Stop spamming at children while pretending you're better than them.


bruh i literally talk to no one even though im in college. i have no social media and dont go on any imageboards except for this. and yeah i hate shitcord as much as you


You have to go back.


>I doubt anyone uses discord that is addicted to imageboards
Any millennial and older, probably. Any zoomer on the other hand are definitely spread across imageboards, discords and subreddits.


This is true it is fairly rare for someone not be to use discord even for wizards who may not be active in the open server but have some people they talk to.

The people who do not use social media aside from imageboards are usually the type who get bullied even among the losers. people who dont like talking with others are a bit rarer.


this is true, I tried the discord thing and just got bullied by people who said they were the same as me, real outcasts only fit on anonymous boards where people can’t follow them around and bully them for everything


I think I'm finally reaching the bottom of the media well. At first it seems endless but after 10+ years of doing nothing but consuming media it has now become so much effort to find something watchable that I can't gather the steam to do it.


youre just burnt out, take a break and come back


you can be an outscast who plain does not like being social beyond a reply chain ina thread at most.

I am the same as the man you replied to and I don't enjoy anything even after a break.
it happens


People have different tolerance levels to different media. Personally I couldn't finish watching Marvel movies since I just can't stand them and the "turn your brain off, bro" approach. Same goes with majority of anime. Watching something completely devoid of soul and crafted to have mainstream appeal and nothing else, when that means more and more things cater to Chinese who consume a lot of garbage, just means staring at the ceiling feels more creatively rewarding than just watching another run of the mill show. Be honest with yourself and don't torture yourself due to some abstract peer pressure to watch things.


lately my mental health seems to be gradually worsening, my anxiety has been growing and in the last couple days it reached a point where i can't stand it anymore. it feels like i'm getting crushed alive by stress. Probably getting to the worst point in my life ever. To be honest i don't know how to get through the day anymore, because this level of agony renders me unable to function or even stand it anymore. it takes all my mental energy just to survive. in desperation and because many psych drugs and therapy didn't help me i've scheduled to go to a mental hospital next week. i don't have much hope anything will help me anymore but things have gotten so bad i feel like i might jump out of the window and become a cripple if i have to stand this feeling much longer. feels like i'm on my last legs, it's a surreal feeling. well, i feel like i pushed myself to do whatever i can, but nothing worked out in the end. every day is my last now, it takes everything out of me just to survive 1 day. i wonder what's going to happen to me if this continues, i feel like enduring this is gonna make me have some mental breakdown where i lose control and try to kill someone or myself. weird thing is i feel like this but still don't even attempt suicide, don't know why, even though i'm way past my limit.


if you are like me you will have am mental breakdown and go numb and go back to wishing you could feel as you do now. there is no winning.
have you tried abusing drugs or alcohol to cope with how you feel?


nope, to be honest i never even drank alcohol. i only went through like 10 psychiatric drugs but i'm not sure if any of these helped, maybe i fucked myself by stopping taking them though.


it depends what you are diagnosed with but you could probably get prescribed daily benzos, I get like 3mg of klonopin per day as needed and it really helps with the anxiety, some days I need all 3mg and some days only like 0.5mg, they help a lot though


People will tell you drinking and drugs are a bad cope and it is obviously bad compared to sitting under a tree and praying but it works very well and sometimes that is what we need.
The pills probably never worked unless you are schizophrenic meds are a joke. Aside from benzos as the other wiz said nothing works.

While drinking you may come to terms with everything a bit better at least it worked for me I don't regret abusing anything.


oh, i actually took tranxene for a bit of time. it worked to a degree, at least relaxing the muscles, i was supposed to take like 5mg but i ended up taking 10-15mg for a while. I have a few pills left actually. Still felt like a shit back then but it was nothing compared to now lol. Too bad doctors here seem to hate these kind of drugs, even when it seems like the only option they rarely prescribe it.
i guess it could work better than most stuff. though now i feel so paralyzed i don't even have the energy to try anything.


>The pills probably never worked unless you are schizophrenic meds are a joke. Aside from benzos as the other wiz said nothing works.
I also take a mood stabalizer for bipolar disorder and it works very well so you dont just have to be schizophrenic, if you have a severe mental illness there are things that can help


i wish i could just sleep all day. like my favorite time of day is right before i go to bed and my least favorite is right after i wake up. i sometimes stay in bed for hours after i wake up because i just hate having to be conscious. everything i enjoy is just various ways of dimming the lights and lifting the burden of having to live and do stuff.


What's even worse is when they tell you to speak up. This one fat fuck at uni keeps saying: I was like you then I broke out of my shell bro, trust me you can do it and I literally don't know what to respond. I don't gain anything out of talking it means nothing to me


That's a very good post. I feel the same way about everything.


I wish I could just forever be in that state before falling asleep. I wish I would never experience
waking up.


I wish there was a way I could take some sort of legal action against my parents.
At 18 they gave me the ultimatum of work AND go to college or be homeless.
They forced me to take on $35,000 student loan debt that I finally payed off this year. I have payed my parents $400 a month in rent for the past 11 years. They have constantly threatened me with eviction and/or destruction of my property. I have done hours and hours of unpaid labor around the house for them from mowing the lawn to walking and bathing my mom's dog. They have fucked me over in life so bad.


why does every fuckin chan suck?


I've tried but it always comes back, it's vain and narcissitic but so is real life. I don't "choose" to buy into it, it's a deep rooted chronic self-esteem issue that I don't know how to fix.


File: 1633646014979.jpg (11.49 KB, 180x198, 10:11, rememberb.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


At this point, probably your best bet would be unironically killing yourself with the note reading, "You did this. This is your fault." And make it a really bloody and violent death in their own house that they'd have to clean up.

I mean, if you REALLY hated them and wanted revenge.


>but being a baldie would just accentuate my ugly face
Worth it imo, bald scalp takes longer to get greasy and you can go on longer w/o washing, the downside is that you lose resistance against direct scorching sunlight and cold.


i seriously think i fried my brain on ssris. after i started thinking them, i just lost all my drive and all my ability to focus and concentrate. i started taking them when i was a junior in hs. and i remember my senior year sitting in english class and i was just zoning out and couldnt concentrate at all. like things were just flying by me. words came in one ear and out the other. and now im 19 and its still like that. like everything is just going by me and im not a part of it.


File: 1633668285906.jpg (222.52 KB, 800x800, 1:1, download (16).jpg) ImgOps iqdb

What's so funny is that i'm exactly you but i'm 20, been taking SSRIs most of my teen life. Had some manic highs but mostly just feel empty and dead. Today at work I was at my limit of feeling like a zombie and my eyes were hurting so I took some time off(we have a hour point system). I just don't care anymore, about my job, life or my fucking eye problems. I just don't feel anything and just want it too end. Everything is like a grey slog all the fucking time, I always worry about this and that but i'm starting to snap and just go into a deep state of nothingness.


>i'm 19
>i'm 20

The absolute state of this thread and the board. Those maggots are everywhere and there is no escape.(user was warned for this post)


does it really matter? I've been using wizardchan/wizchan since I was 17 and I'm 25 now



If you post in /dep/ then chances are likely it's already over


Shut up you stupid zoomer cunt.

>Those maggots are everywhere and there is no escape.
It's because their generation's entire mode of being is seeking attention from any source using anything thing.

I don't understand why these cunts don't get that being young opens doors for you that slam shut when you hit 30. If you're a 30+ wizard you career options are fucking limited, unless you have invaluable skills, because you are too old and expensive for them to mold and train. If you're an 18+ virgin they'll view you with potential regardless if you have any or not.(user was warned for this post)


I think I started using wizchan when I was 15 or 16. I’m 19 now. I new it was over when I first started understanding where I fit in the pageantry. I’ve never fit in or been able to move people and influence them, and then I developed crippling mental illness. When your whole life has been moving in one direction with no sign of changing despite what you try, it’s better for you to just give up and seek solitary peace


You know nothing.


I hate being an amerimutt. I hate this god forsaken country. I go to the small towns, and everybody is some hick retard cuckservative religious freak who is also poor. I go to the cities and everybody is some hipster faggot. I go to the suburbs and everyone is a mindless npc conforming to whatever is popular. I need to get out of this place


Lmao. I know of horrors worse than your hell.


>It's another episode of "I've been on the imageboards since I was a toddler"
Nobody cares about you, you are an annoying exception, most people start using imageboards when they are legally allowed to do so, believe it or not.
You are just a pathetic, underdeveloped crab and you don't belong here.
No matter how obscure or slow an imageboard is, you are everywhere. Your kind are like an infestation of maggots. Now that gives me depression.


Shut the fuck up kid.(user was warned for this post)


no. fuck you(user was warned for this post)


I fucking despise the tendency of normalscum to jump straight into "haha you're a loser I'm going to show off how happy I am" as soon as you say something they don't like
I want to pluck their eyes out and peel their skin and burn their faces and disembowel them
I fucking hate every single one of them with every fiber of my being


Things get harder the more you do them. The more you do something the more your brain associate suffering with the act. The more you learn about the futility of your struggle and how little you get from it. I used to be able to force myself to go out and work or whatever. Now, the merest mention of having to look for a job or asks someone for a favor sends my nerves into emergency mode because I have been imprinted by the memories of all past attempts when I get hurt doing these things. Exposure therapy? More like trauma reinforcement therapy. I actually fuck myself up worse by trying to self-improve. Fuck normal people.


The more I live with my spiteful mother the more living on the street appeals to me.


God you "people" are fucking pathetic. For being such miserable, depressed perma-losers you sure have a lot of energy to waste on constantly screeching about m-muh zoomers on m-my board. I'd wish you slobbered on a .45 but we both know you're too much of a pussy to ever actually follow through. So instead, i sincerely hope you stay on the same trajectory you are right now and rot away in front of your pc at the ripe age of 80, surrounded by nothing but empty beer cans and regrets you carried throught your whole, prolonged life you old sacks of shit.

Yeah dude. I suddenly regenerated all the bracrabls i wasted after abusing benzos for half my lifespan a day before my 25th birthday. Go fuck yourself. I really need to visit this board more because each time i read these stupid fucking posts i want to kill myself even more. Maybe one day i'll finally get the courage inhale helium after overdosing on your braindead takes.(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)


>Rectum ravaged: the post
You will never be a wizard. You will never not be a failed normalfag.(user was warned for this post)


File: 1634049517213.jpg (11.66 KB, 359x357, 359:357, FFFFFFFFFFFFF.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>le pussy farting pussy post


This is /dep/. If you have a problem with someone's age, you don't have to call them names and attack them for it. It's not like anybody is actively deciding to be younger than 30. If you believe the minimum age to post should be raised above 18, make a /meta/ thread.


File: 1634197242606.png (2.45 MB, 1339x1941, 1339:1941, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

i started crying after i turned off my computer today. i was studying and focused then it came to me i dont have a future regardless. posting in anonymous boards calms me down. i wish very much i could start over. i think im very different and wish i could have shown that, or at least lived my own way. i wish i had a chance. im good at making do with very little but this was too much. i wish i could have gotten into programming when i was little. now i can only study for pleasure, i dont have a future anymore. i wish i could go back. i dont wish i were born rich or good looking, just that things werent so bad and i had a chance like everyone else. i dont know. i have peace for the first time in my life, i feel like a newborn, my mind is calming down and with each day i feel a little better, i see more clearly now. i dont know programming is everything to me, everyone detests me and treats me badly and i feel out of place everywhere i go and everything is confusing but with programming its like i live in the same reality as everyone else, not just that but its like i see reality more so much more clearly than others. i dont know im not like this, i wish i could show what im like, im very different, i wish i had my childhood back, i just like programming a lot, maybe more than everyone else and im not exaggerating, i think if i had been born into a normal life id be very happy now, and i could prove everything i believe in. ill keep studying all alone and do nothing else, its what ive always wanted to do, but i dont think i have more than a couple years left of life at best, and ill never get to work on cool projects or in other words actually live my life. i dont know i dont have the words. i think it wasnt supposed to be like this and sorry for turning out so abhorrent.


im such an ugly retard
i need to die


File: 1634337393660.png (231.57 KB, 1024x1024, 1:1, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

today i lost the day fixing my computer
i am thinking of quitting pointless self-studying for "fun" things. after all you only live once. and i dont have to prove myself to myself. i know what i am, and what kind of person id have grown up to if things werent like this.
this is your loss, your loss only, and it only saddens me because i like you and i could make things for you, things you cant imagine but i can.
i dont know what i really want from this life. wear masks for long enough and you forget whos beneath them. when i die will i regret that i didnt live like i always wanted to. or will i regret that i didnt enjoy my life a little in the last moments like i can now.
but if i had another life i know how id live it. i wish i could start over.


File: 1634430393869.png (10.91 MB, 2508x3541, 2508:3541, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

all that matters to me is programming, maths and hacking. i wish i could have spent my whole life pursuing those things, without ever taking breaks, i wish i could have spent every day of my childhood and adolescence studying.
its too late now.
cant do it like this
im not like this
it was hell, you cant imagine what ive been through
i wish i could start over, i wish i had a chance, i wish i could have lived my life, i wish i could have been myself
i have nothing, ive never had anything. its like ive never existed. but i was right here.


what games do u hack in


Kurt Cobain's suicide note makes so much goddammit sense to me:
> I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
I just realized today that it has been 8 years since I graduated uni. The degree was useless. I did not use it. I have done nothing of note since. I do not see the future getting better.


File: 1634497906939.png (376.3 KB, 600x576, 25:24, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

today i thought maybe im wasting my life by not doing fun things instead of studying and i hope today i tried to have fun for the last time. fun is boring and i only like learning. im so focused it scares myself. fun is not for me. im really going to spend the little life i have left studying all alone every day and then kill myself one day.
i wish very much i could start over. i dont wish something like i want to know the secrets of the universe, i wish i could start over because then i could see for myself if i can find them by myself, something like that. i dont know, im really different, not edgy different or normal different, something no one has ever seen before, at least ive never seen anyone like myself, and i wish i had a chance, not being born wealthy chance, i just wish i could have chosen how i live my own life, made decisions, and see how far i can go. i dont know, i trust myself and believe myself, but there wasnt anything i could do in this life. i wish i could have shown what kind of person i am. im going to do what i always wanted to but couldnt, but its pointless now. it really is as if i never existed. but i was right here all the time.


i want to jump out of my skin. i can't live with myself any longer.


I am inconsolable. The misery I have had to endure is unparalleled. It’s something nobody can understand. I often listen to depressing music or go on places like this because it helps me not feel so completely alone in what I’ve gone through. But a lot of time, even these people just don’t get it. There is very few things I can connect with


Tinnitus fucks me seriously these days. It has worsened, became louder, more piercing. Can't sleep without earphones anymore, listening to "sound therapy" and such. Never thought it would be this bad when it started few years ago. Always this piercing noise, never quiet. Treasure silence while you can.


File: 1636408783500.jpg (2.27 MB, 2448x3264, 3:4, 16364086863061085247067834….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I Guess….i dont know…(how continue on middle of crysis) try to be happy alone in a park reading my magical books…whith my black hat…i dont have nothing now…just a Ghost between people…in a few days, can back to study…this querentaine makes me become nothing, but i try to listen my little kid Tell me…just try one more time…before…before something bad happens…i need so much…sorry…im just sad…mu only advice…is continue


I still had dreams when I had a job, being constantly stressed about it rather than comforted.

Those dreams are now so asleep as they were while I aged myself in that workshop.


Give them some old console emulator.
I was just playing Super Mario Bros 2 a few minutes ago…

[Last 50 Posts]
[Go to top] [Catalog] [Return][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]