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R: 98 / I: 13

Depression Crawl Thread LII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 301 / I: 39

Wageslave General

stuck in limbo edition

previous >>270132
R: 4 / I: 0

Question to the autistic wizards

I am, just like a lot of people here, on the spectrum, but unlike most people I see on the internet, who say that they suffer from autism, I sometimes see or hear stuff that is not present, have the feeling that others can hear my thoughts or feel haunted, if I do not take my medication, which I take, I have to. My doctor said that psychotic symptoms are quite common in autistic people, but whenever I get into contact with people on the internet, they do not say any of that. Does autism-wizzy have psychotic symptoms? Former doctors and therapist wanted to explain that stuff with Schizophrenia, but it's blatant from birth on that I have childhood autism and I am surely not schizophrenic. In all literature, blogs, vlogs and other media about austistic people or made by autistic people I can relate to the typical symtpoms, but never for stuff like the fear that other's can hear my thoughts or seeing or hearing stuff other people can't and similar symptoms. It's frustrating because it's very disabilitating.

Does autistic wizzy have something similar? I just want somebody I can relate to.
R: 9 / I: 7

draw therapy

when you feel down, come to this thread a draw something, it will release your soul
R: 1 / I: 0

Wizard for Financial Reasons

I always disregarded succubi because sometime when I was young I sat down and did a bunch of accounting and realized that there was no way I could ever afford gf/kids, that I'd have to save everything I could just to survive myself, and built my life around that.

A lot of it revolves around the fact that in my studying of various tax/healthcare/pension/inflation regimes around the world, no matter where I live I either have to choose between a high tax rate that makes me live paycheck-to-paycheck or a low tax rate but I'll "pay" for that with a large hospital bill that will wipe out all of my savings at some point and lack of other services/some gigantic tax increase or inflation in the future. Combined with the fact that given demographic trends, I'm not too optimistic that any sort of government pension will likely exist in the future, and the chances of taxes/inflation increasing even more in the future is basically guaranteed.

There's also that common refrain of how people lose all their wealth: death, disease, and divorce. And divorce is so insanely common nowadays that I really don't understand the logic of even entertaining the idea of getting into any sort of relationship. So much of my family, including my own father, just got completely DESTROYED by divorce. It's worse now, actually, since I have cousins that haven't even gotten married, but have sunk so much money in these ridiculous courtship rituals that they have nothing to speak of.

Tl;dr: wizardry makes sense because Scrooge McDuck.
R: 1 / I: 0

How to start doing something?

I think I've heard all advice there is by now on discipline and self-improvement but I have yet to manage to take the first step.

What made sense to me is to start a task as small as possible and you will either do it longer once you started or maybe find it easier over time. But somehow even such an easy thing I was not able to manage in YEARS. Every day I wake up and instantly distract myself with the internet. The word distraction is the key term because nothing I do I truly enjoy. I am not chatting with online buddies, not having heated debates, not absorbing knowledge, not being immersed in a video game or tv show or movie nope.

I think I might genuinely be the person with the shortest attention span and lowest pain tolerance on the planet. Because despite being unhappy I never did even the slightest deviation from my routine that I am tired of. Despite being bored I didn't even start playing any of the exciting video games I got. Despite being tired of frozen meals I didn't start learning to cook. Despite my body starting to feel like shit I didn't start exercising. My parents can't comprehend how someone can be unhappy and yet do nothing to change it. I find it hard to explain too.

Has anyone here managed to get the ball rolling and change their habits for new ones? How did you do it?
R: 0 / I: 0
Sometimes I just wish I could forget certain things.
Not in the way you might think of forgetting painfull pasts, I think im better of having learned those lessons but just things I have experienced in general.
It can get so unbearably boring when it feels like you have done everything and it would be nice if I could relieve some things for the first time all over again.
Anyone else feeling like this when doing something you used to love that has become stale and boring over the years?
I am a very repetitive person, as in id rather watch a show I enjoy 3 times then watch 3 mediocre shows and when I find something I usually get super invested in it, so its a huge blow to me when things I used to think about every day just bore me now.
Its rare for me to find something new I truly enjoy
R: 25 / I: 0

Last Time You Were Happy

The last time I actually felt happy was when I was 8 or 9. Everything I consider "good" is only good by virtue of being marginally less shitty than everything else out there. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm scared of death and want to believe I can be "happy" again. Weed is probably the closest I will get to that childlike feeling, but it makes me even more miserable and retarded when I'm sober so I know I have to stop smoking it
R: 16 / I: 1

utter self hatred

I don't think I have a happy memory that involves leaving my room. Most of my life has been spent in front of a glowing box. I didn't even particularly like it. I don't have anything worth talking to anyone about. And now I'm so depressed I don't even want to play games. I could have had a good life, or I could have had a shitty life. But instead I had no life. I threw away my chance before I even had it. At least most meth addicts had lives before they started smoking meth. At least most meth addicts had a reason to start smoking meth. I didn't have abusive parents. I didn't grow up poor. I didn't get shoved into lockers and given swirlies and pantsed. I didn't get beat up. But I almost wish I did. I almost wish I knew why I was so miserable today. Such a shell of a person. Instead, I have to wonder what it was that made me so "weird." What made me prefer spending all my time in my room playing video games and browsing imageboards? What lead to me being here, in front of my computer, high as shit, typing this faggy message to a bunch of other losers on an imageboard?

I'm not sure if anyone will understand how it's possible to hate yourself this much. If you do, I'm sorry you're not dead. But I'm not surprised. I'm a fucking coward. I don't know what I'd do if anyone I knew in real life read this. All I know is I can't believe I typed this out. Because now it's real. You'll say I'm a faggot but I don't care. I know, but I still posted this anyway. Hoping that maybe another anon understands so at least I'm not so fucking alone.

I'm not even a person, really. I'm just an amalgamation of all the stupid shit I've spent my time on over the years. A thing that looks like a person but lacks some essential quality. Something unique to living things. Even if I knew what it was I couldn't replicate it. I'd just be copying like I always have.

Maybe I should copy some of the smarter ones and end it.
R: 20 / I: 1

Getting irritated by sex stuff

This is something I never really understood about myself but ever since I can remember I've been getting extremely irritated by being involuntarily exposed to normie sex stuff to the point where I feel intense rage or severe discomfort, it's things such as sex scenes in movies, sexual memes, pornographic lyrics in music or people talking about sex in public and social media. It just instantly irritates me like nothing else. I've been feeling like this since I was like 8-10 years old and I wonder if anyone else knows what I mean.
R: 7 / I: 0


Any of you work out or exercise? Lets have a discussion about it

I used to be pretty into it as a teen. I was never very fit mind-you, was always a bit sickly, but I enjoyed doing it.
Been watching a lot of Sumo wrestling and that got me pumped-up to try exercising again…

It wasn't as particularly fulfilling as I'd hoped.
I basically have to drag my ass to the gym and don't feel any better after doing it.
On work-days it means I get home 1hr+ later than usual too.
R: 2 / I: 0
I hate being constantly tired it ruins everything.
I cant even enjoy being drunk anymore becaues im just tired
I wake up tired.
Anyone else experiencing increasing tiredness over time?
Will it ever get better?
R: 122 / I: 12

I want to die but don't know how

I'm too scared. Just the thought of it makes me feel fear. I'm scared of dying AND death. I'm afraid of dying painfully. And I'm also afraid of death itself. The thought of non-existence and not being able to think is incomprehensible and scary to me.

So that's what's stopping me. I don't want to feel pain, but even the rope can be extremely painful. The only quick and painless way are guns. A glock 20 to the head is quick and painless. But I can't get guns in my country. But they're only way I want to go.
And even if I had the gun, my fear of death would probably stop me from pulling the trigger.

I don't know what to do…
R: 91 / I: 5
>As a kid everyone thought I was a good boy with a bright future but then….
Holy crap this is accurate.
R: 7 / I: 0

Im scared

I am amazed at what the mind can cause, I haven't gone out for a few weeks, just depressed in my room, and it seems that my body is paying consequences that it had never had before.

My legs feel very weak, like I can't walk or I'm going to fall, my head feels like it's floating, and my vision is blurry.
I think I shouldn't have stopped taking my antidepressants, I'm scared, this has never happened to me.
Has it happened to you?
R: 1 / I: 0
I get depressed when I don't have my rush of dopamine given by fast replies to my comments or threads.
R: 66 / I: 4
Race-mixing selects for autism. When you cross DNA, what ends-up happening is masculine faced (low forehead/eyebrow) men look hideous to feminine faced (high forehead/eyebrow) succubi as the DNA is no longer the same race. The feminine faced, high-forehead/high-eyebrow men (who are also naturally higher IQ) become preferred. And the feminine faced succubi become too feminine for the men as they are no longer the same DNA. The X chromosome (female, XX) that has evolved from bacteria-to-man to be increased in males (XY) to compensate for increasing amounts of intelligence (steadily higher forehead/eyebrow with more estrogen/feminine bone structure) still prefers the male Y portion of the females as it is closer to the original life (likely pure Y without an X chromosome) and therefor sexually favorable. succubi, which are an increased XX chromosome (half-men), no longer prefer the Y due to the DNA change (they did naturally when racially the same, yet it was wired enough to keep feminine faced succubi from extremely masculine faced men), but still prefer the X as their own X in their XX chromosome has been biologically increased through evolution, and it is closer to the original female life (XX), so it is sexually attractive in other race men (Who have pronounced X in their XY chromosomes relative to other men) as it appears congruous. Having a pronounced X chromosome (high forehead/eyebrow) and being XY (male) relative to an XX female is essentially polish for the male face. In both genders, Men are originally Y and wired for X chromosomes (X chromosomes likely being Y chromosomes doubled over), and succubi are originally XX and wired to be attracted to Y chromosomes, so any blood-mixing soils this forced evolutionary wiring within the race. All that is left behind once the race is gone is sexual attraction to the self (Male XY to Y as the X is largely still Y, female XX to X) (which is in-line with the original asexual life.). Likely, it is so that the sexuality of asexual life is still wired into the brains of all sexual life today as it is the first thing to work with evolution with minor adjustments to prevent too much self-love. So what you see is high forehead males (which are naturally intelligent or else they would be schizophrenic and not reproduce) and low forehead females (which are naturally low IQ), and this creates autism in the offspring as it causes excess gray matter in the brain due to increased intelligence, so someone, male or female, with a low forehead is meant to have a low IQ to keep their brain strong-willed and driven, but because of the race-mixing and sexual selection, it is installing a high IQ into something meant to be low IQ at all times. So it is creating autistic, disabled men without drive for life like Adam Lanza, Westley Dodd, Eric Harris, etc. This is happening because the parents are not the same race. It is extremely likely that the original break from XX to XY sexual/love attraction created indifference in love which was selected by evolution into homicide based off of small genetic distances.
R: 117 / I: 3

Traumatic Experiences

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.
R: 26 / I: 2

Academic failure

Last September I applied to several universities. English isn't my first language and it was one of my favourite subjects at both elementary and high school and because I never had any friends I grew up reading a lot, so I wanted to major in English Studies to become a translator or something. My parents thought otherwise so they forced me to put a medical university as my top choice and an engineering one as my second (my parents too had to sign my application papers). They made me take advanced chemistry and biology classes in high school and I did poorly on them, but I aced my other exams so even though I didnt get into medical school they accepted me into engineering.
I hated every day at school because the "everyone in stem is a nerd" stereotype is a myth and all of the people in my group were insufferable normgroids.
At first I thought maybe I could finally have some friends and break out of my solitude and I could just finally develop social skills after almost 20 years but I was so wrong. I can't make small talk at all so I just tried joining their mundane conversations about homework, drinking and ect but they just didn't let me. They would often talk over me and generally noone would listen or reply to me. One day I was sitting at one table with my peers at school, but because nobody was making any conversation I played Morrowind on my laptop. One guy came up to me and told me that he has heard about this game before and called it Skyrim so I tried to politely tell him that he's wrong because this is Morrowind and I sperged out a bit and told him that it was way earlier and that it's set in an entirely different era and how it's better than Skyrim (I love Skyrim too) and everyone just sort of stared at me with a dumbfounded expression until one succubus laughed awkardly at the guy getting the games mixed up, but this isn't the point.
I've never really been exceptionally good at math or any stem subjects so at the end of my first term I've managed to fail at 3 of my classes. I don't even know how I got accepted because all of my classmates were studious normies who took advanced math and programming classes. While the only things we ever did in my IT classes were Powerpoint and other Microshart Office products, most of them were already proficient in Python, HTML and ect and there was even a guy who came here as a certified C++ programmer (whatever that means) and instead of writing an appeal to not have to attend programming classes he just sat through every lesson, bored out of his mind after he solved everything under 10 minutes. It felt so demoralizing when I got a question wrong in calculus and a guy scoffed/laughed at me.
I really tried to succeed but I was simply not smart enough. I did all of my homework, I spent hours studying, I woke up at 6am every morning and was never late to any of my lessons, I did extra work and got no credits for it and I still failed 3 of my subjects. After this I lost all desire to continue studying engineering. I spent my entire winter break playing video games and i forgot about school so I missed the application date.
My parents and grandmother were furious and my mother threatened to beat me multiple times because of this. She used to hit me as a kid but now that I'm a grown up and have been lifting in my bedroom for a couple years she doesn't dare to do so anymore. At one time in my childhood when I was around 8 years old and Adventure time was a new series on Cartoon Network she told me to go to the bathroom so that she could wash me and I asked her whether I could finish the episode I was watching because there were 5 minutes left and it was new she got so angry at me that she dragged me into the bathroom by my hair and when she let go I started shaking in fear, covering my entire head with my arm so that she couldn't hit me so she started rattling my arms while yelling at me to let go of my head.
Because I failed 3 classes I couldn't take up their continuations in the spring term and because it's spring there aren't any of those classes starting. Just today I got an email from my school stating that if I don't complete 30-30 credits in my first 2 terms my contract with the school will be terminated except if I use my one time chance to write an appeal to the dean, but because my parents told me that I absolutely can't miss this term I already used up my appeal to write to the school to allow me sign up for the spring term late, but I failed 3 classes so I can't take up enough classes to get 30 credits. I dread telling my parents because my dad was never an angry man and he never scolded me but when this whole ordeal happened he too was furious at me and when I showed my OpenTTD city to my grandmother she told me that "she wants to fucking hit me because I can make something this complicated but I fucked up my applications". Noone on my family ever did anything against my mom hitting me and I fear that after this she will beat me again.
Do you have any advice as to how I could defuse this situation?
R: 11 / I: 0
I fail at everything I do.
I barely finished scool with poor grades, I tried and failed to learn multiple langues, even novices are better at my hobbies then me and im not even any good at PC games despite wasting a majority of my life on them, and im physically frail and sickly.
I dont have good social skills and I dont look good either.
I grew up thinking everyone had his niche, but this is simply not true im just a subpar individiual
Im just rotting away I might aswell be dead my life simply has no purpose other then making me hope and then watching it all crumble due to my own incompetence
R: 11 / I: 1

31 and no skills

How do I stop thinking about my lost years?

I spent the last years on imageboards, video games, tv, random youtube videos and got 0 skills or life experience.

With 31 people my age who either have a job or skills already got 10+ years of experience in the said thing. So I feel hopelessly behind and every time I want to learn something I start kicking myself for not doing it sooner when I had better conditions. My life was pretty comfy compared to now 10 years ago and I feel terrible wasting it. Now I can't say I'm ~finding myself~ anymore, I get less financial support and my health is getting worse and past 30+ the odds of random health issues increase on top of the constant regret over wasted time.

I know the robotic answer is that I can't change the past so it's pointless to think about but how can I really make peace with it mentally instead of trying to suppress these negative emotions with logic?
R: 25 / I: 2


What was highschool like for you guys? I feel like highschool shaped me into who I am and not in a good way. Constantly getting the shit kicked out of me and being laughed at by my female peers is what set me on the path of wizardy to begin with, but I guess I can't complain, a friend of mine from Russia got cigarettes put out on him at school. The worst part is parents and teachers harping on about how those are the best years of your life. Maybe for the genetically gifted, I guess I didn't deserve to have the "best years of my life"
R: 14 / I: 2

Shouldn't have watch Tokyo ghoul

This urge has been killing me for years, the innocent strong willed soft male who cares for others. Finding love with a succubus who's also strong willed but tough. They meet once more as kaneki goes back to his roots to reconnect with an old friend who cares deeply about him. With all he went through and stood through unleashing that tear of relief. Got me second guessing about my attraction to fat succubi and chronic masturbation. Then slowly lured my way out of lust to love and desire for affection drastically turning into tomboys. Then gender role reversal, maybe due to insecurities. Slowly developing a personality that was more softer.

That being said, I look back on my life and seen a weak willed sack of shit who lacks and still has a problem with empathy. Soiled with used to having an outlandish personality with a deep sense of evil. Now turned to be a hedonistic sack of crap soiled by my own degenerate chronic masturbation. Not to mention the masculine bone structure despite being timid. I've been trying to avoid seeing myself increasing body dysphoria and more self hatred.

On the coming years I look like a homeless wretch, face always looked smudged and gross, suffering with my features. Reincarnation doesn't seem plausible but an afterlife does, knowing we look like our identical bodies furthers my unrest.

Maybe my desire for an angelic appearance being reborn clean comes from the desire for that relationship.

God I sound pathetic
R: 187 / I: 9

anti depressants

please post your experiences with anti depressants here

i'm starting on them (Citalopram) tomorrow and im scared that ill gain weight from it
R: 146 / I: 17


Yes, another suicide thread.
You think that putting my head in the rail it will kill me? like beheading, is the only solution that is painless and fast and reliable. When i am thinking in suicide my tummy hurts, feels like vomiting but not vomiting. I live in Spain, and these are the type of trains, if the guards/police will stop me, i dont know what to do.
R: 5 / I: 0

Chronic Pain/illness thread

This is a thread dedicated to those poor souls among us who battle with chronic pain or illness alongside mental illness.

What do you suffer from? How do you cope with the pain? Have you come to terms with it? How do you see your future living with whatever it is that you have?

I suffer from chronic pelvic pain/chronic prostatitis/pudental neuralgia since I was 14 and I'm now 25. Its been 10 years of hell, pointless research and doctor after doctor appointment only to be dismissed and let down time after time. I have consumed tons worth of bibliography in an attempt to get to the bottom of this on my own, also in vain. I've tried all kinds of meds, psychotherapy, physical therapy, exercise to no avail. It has now began to dawn on me that there might be no fix, and this thought fills me with horror because i really can't imagine going through an entire life like this. The pain has progressively advanced to the point where I cant sit for more than 30 minutes at a time without wanting to jump out of my chair. I cant engage with my hobbies anymore because of it and the only thing Im left to do when I'm not spending agonizing hours sitting at work is lay in bed with a heat pad and look at my phone/ceiling. My genitals are constantly painful, numb and shrivelled up as if was outside in the freezing cold. Theres a constant dreadful feeling of tightness and a pulling sensation. I'm unable to maintain an erection, my libido has been obliterated and it feels like I've been completely robbed of my sexuality and masculinity since my early teens, which has deeply wounded my psyche in fucked up ways. I could go on forever but you get the gist. This thing has completely consumed my mind and my life. I dont want to wake up tomorrow. This is my story and my own little personal hell and purgatory. I'd like to hear about yours.
R: 1 / I: 0

The high school uselessness

For real that it's getting me tired trying to think how to educate young wizards about how to make a future for theirselves without falling for the scam of high school and rat race since high school is just a cattle breeder jail where minds and enforced into submission and swallowing useless crap, remaining unprepared to battle against a future doomed with wagecuckoldry that gets us all off guard and it's sick.

Feel free to share your ideas oh council
R: 18 / I: 1

wizardchan makes me depressed

Knowing wizardchan is missing the point and imageboard being aimlessly hole makes me depressed.
R: 6 / I: 0

I tell you my experience after a year taking antidepressantsith antidepressants

About a year ago I went to a psychiatrist to treat my anger issues, I really didn't care what drug they put me on as this is a serious problem. But they diagnosed me with a major depressive, not a mild, or moderate, major one, which would put me in the same category as all those people who want to kill themselves, who have no aspirations, who have destroyed self-esteem, who hate themselves and the world around them, but above all they feel inexplicable fatigue and tiredness. I thought these antidepressant drugs would help me with impulsiveness, and fucking tiredness, but they didn't do shit, they just took away my humanity, I couldn't be sad anymore, nothing really mattered to me, I became submissive, without the ability to cry even though be it happiness or beautiful things like art or music. I became an apathetic being, incapable of feeling emotions. Apart from all that crap, I became fat, unable to enjoy food for the simple fact that I could never get enough, it was never enough, I always wanted to eat more, and more, which destroyed my body, further promoting fatigue. It was said that this was due to anxiety, which is ridiculous since I was taking 5 shitty drugs that are supposed to be against it, and coincidentally when I stopped taking the one with that side effect I stopped being a fucking pig. . I was afraid to go to the shrink, since the drugs really did not have any effect for what they were really intended for, for the damn tiredness and impulsiveness.

A couple of weeks ago I left them completely, it's a bit difficult to explain but I feel like I was me again, I have that spark back that makes me move on with what really matters to me. And what I'm really grateful for is knowing that I'm not a depressive, and the opposition of a shrink isn't going to define what I really feel. Although good when leaving the drug I generate withdrawal, and the dizziness does not stop, but it is something that will hurt with the weeks.
R: 48 / I: 2
Why not become a drug addict?
We have nothing to lose.

>OP must be at least 75 chars.
R: 8 / I: 0

Suicide travel

Have you ever thought about disappearing instead of simply killing yourself? This would be to reduce the pain of people who would be eventually affected by your suicide. It would also offer you an opportunity of wild fun before the end.
I was thinking about taking one last dive through Europe (I live in Italy), see some countries I can easily reach with a car (maybe I can get to the Balkans) and then go either shoot or hang myself in the most desolate and unthreaded forest I can find in Europe.
R: 35 / I: 3

How do Normies manage it??

Recently i've been playing a lot of dating sims and it showed me how apathetic i am about human relations, i'm so distant and incompatible with other people worldview (especially succubis), how do others Sub 8 at my age have so many friends and already had engaged in multiple relationships?
everytime i try to talk with another Sapiens, i unironically sound like a low iq fallout avatar, honestly i don't think i can ever fix it, am i just retarded or something? wish i knew the normies secret, people are bizarrely complicated and i probably will never learn how to deal with their complexity.
R: 136 / I: 9
Why do you want to commit suicide? What problems do you have? What is really stopping you from doing it?
R: 28 / I: 1

Don't do hard drugs please

Just dont it's not worth it. Lying on the floor as fake spiders crawl all over you is not fun and when that hell is over you have a pounding headache and wanna throw up just don't stick with weed or shrooms I'm begging you
R: 4 / I: 0
Being attractive to someone, being loved by someone and reciprocating it, being able to hug someone whilst laying in the same bed as them, achieving complete emotional intimacy with one another, being cared for and about, having someone that you perceive as a life partner, and, most importantly, having reassurance that you've fulfilled your primary biological purpose (reproduction) must feel quite nice.

And, then you also remember that: a) since they're loved by someone romantically, they most likely also possess the traits which render them as likable platonically (in other words, they have friends, or, in even more precise terms, they have a supportive circle of people); b) since they have these attractive traits (whether they inherited them genetically or environmentally is irrelevant), more often than not their families are also stable, and the family members also share the same qualities, further enlarging their supportive circle; c) since they have all of their physiological needs met, they will find it much easier to focus on certain productive endeavors such as academia, careers, and so on; and d) meaning that not only can you not find solace in love, you won't be able to find it through competition either, because you'll mostly feel desperate due to perpetually being rejected and not having your basic needs met (also known as rotting), whereas they will socialize for a few hours and shortly after devote their full concentration to whatever responsibility they have.

I don't care to delude myself about the direction of causality - obviously these people are attractive to others due to having inherited good genes (attractive children aren't ostracized), and if you were unfortunate even in one facet, you would likely instantly be ostracized by others as a child, therefore such people would rarely reach the point of it snowballing (therefore, it is mostly genetic and not environmental). But, since it has such a snowballing effect, even one negative circumstance can alter your trajectory in such a drastic manner that you end up on this image board, completely alone, with no achievements to be proud of, constantly being outdone by others you perceive as less deserving, as your previous cope (life might suck now, but all these normies will see once I acquire a skill in xyz, blah blah) starts to diminish because its no longer reasonable in the slightest.

And, then those same people tell you that you should just work harder, or some other thing that, from their perspective, seems like perfectly reasonable advice, but since there is such a disconnect between the two, to the person on the receiving end, it is nothing but patronizing garbage.

So, it doesn't matter if you were fortunate in one facet. If you are naturally more intelligent, but due to certain factors unable to capitalize on it. And, these people won't be humble in how they approach you either - at best, it will be in a patronizing, humble bragging manner.

What is the point of living if you're unlovable and unable to make it past the 99th percentile in anything meaningful? Why should I bother studying CS and maths when there are not only people more intelligent than me, but people that have had more favorable environmental circumstances, or both of the former, that would prevent me from feeling as if I've achieved anything to justify my otherwise bleak and lonely existence, being unable to be loved (platonically or romantically) by anyone, with no supportive group, and no opportunity to make any because anarchism is looked down upon nowadays and everyone is individualistic and a moral nihilist. Why bother if unable to make it past the 99th percentile and receive credit? Why wage-slave?
R: 3 / I: 0
I need help because Im addicted to "futa on male" porn.
I fantasise about a shemale using me for her pleasure in a rather degrading way. my fetish even splits up into sick connotations like mommy-son roleplay, gangbang and forced ingestion of semen.
I never watch any other type of porn\hentai. I TRY to not watch ANY porn but fail here and there on days im hyper stressed.
How do I totally annihilate this bullshit fetish from my mind?
R: 197 / I: 21
why do people care if i have a job or not? i am a neet because i inherited enough money to not work for a while, my rent is 360 and i have a 150k, i could live like this for 5 years and not make a meaningful dent but everyone around me (family) bitches at me saying i should get a job, but why? why are normies so obsessed with work and being "productive" dont they want to be comfy as well?
R: 54 / I: 2

Advice for gun suicide in NYC?

I live close to a gun store. I'm thinking my easiest option is to buy a gun and shoot through from my mouth to my brainstem. Does anyone know the details of how to get a gun legally here? Any advice on what type of gun, bullets, etc. I can probably get at a store that will reliably do the job?
R: 64 / I: 1

Started caring about money with age?

I feel like I trolled myself.

In my 20s I had a depressed monk mindset where I didn't feel like I needed more than a computer with internet access so I didn't have much motivation to work if I don't enjoy it and lived not thinking about the future.

Now that I turned 30 I got bored of the internet because I feel like all the interactions and content there just repeats themselves, I stopped watching anime which was a cheap way of entertainment, I feel like I watched all the interesting movies and the new ones suck.

I started watching a lot of youtube and got exposed to all kinds of niche obsessive communities that are about perfecting something. For example I was happy using a $10 keyboard all my life and now I started looking at $300+ keyboards. I didn't care about how my room looked but now I wish I could move out and decorate it properly and give it an actual aesthetic but that would require money.

But years of not doing anything not only left me with 0 skills and an empty CV but also lazy habits that seem impossible to change.
R: 18 / I: 2
I hate humans with a severe passion - one of the very rare examples of true pure misanthropes but in addition to that, I hate all life in general for which no term exists but yeah.. All life is absolutely disgusting as a concept to me, the fact that everything must consume other life in order to perpetuate itself, seemingly needlessly.. Like, why? What happens when the last animal / organism standing completely dominates the planet? Like, good for you, essay - You beat the game roll the credits and now what? Enjoy your shitty planet all fucked and slimy from the hairless apes that threw their larva's diapers into the oceans and buried their tampons in huge pits which turned the planet into a giant slimeball right before they wiped themselves out with mutually assured destruction because some dunecoon had his finger on the button during an especially trying morning dealing with trolls on the internet sending him pics of Muhammed dressed in drag like a fruitbat so he detonated some shit over ShekelsLand aka 6 Gorillionville setting off a chain reaction leading to the aforementioned sliminess enveloping the earth when the GOAT (greatest organism of all time) found itself alone after defeating and extincting the other few creatures remaining..

Which begs the question: What was the fucking point of it all? There was no divine beings floating around in space all happy that ppl were down there singing hymns to It and cutting the tips of their dicks off to please It further, ya know.. Thats all horseshit and so is all the other flying spaghetti monster cults like buddha buddies, the hindu folks, the islam fellas, the Xtian vatos, the mormon creeps, the norse convicts, the scientologist attorneys, etc.. ALL of em are extra chromosome level logically infeasible so theres literally no purpose besides multiplying and either K or R selecting for dominance over the areas culminating in a final winner of the planet but for what???

The purpose of life, per se, is to hydrogenate carbon dioxide, so once you clear away all competing life forms n youre there alone just hydrogenating the fuck outta carbon dioxide like a wiz along with the rest of your species, what is gained at the end of it all? You managed to reverse entropy or slow it down rather, from the beginning and hey look at that result of the double slit experiment, otherwise the universe wont be aware of itself and wont split Everettian - style into multiple branches of reality.. Ok so we did that and ended up with the final creatures that were extremely good at hydrogenating carbon dioxide, slowing entropy to a crawl and fracturing reality into several instances of itself, each unaware of the others so.. WHY????

The explanations given do not account for all of the suffering - the goddamned suffering - that took place on the planet for all of those eons and lets be real here: Its suffering thats the REAL purpose of life (evidently, a priori) so which of the deities would like to stand with hand raised to take credit for its creation?

Its absolutely disgusting and sickening that in order for a lion or other predator to continue to exist it must torture another creature to death and if it wasnt properly schooled in killing it will literally fail all damn day long attempting to kill it until it eventually gets hungry enough to literally begin eating it alive as it cries and whimpers in agony and thats only because felids are naturally compelled to kill their prey before nomming whereas baboons are completely unconcerned with any attempt at killing the prey first and just immediately dig the fuck in once the poor bastard is subdued sufficiently, and its more this way for most animals especially those pieces of carp (see what i did there) in the vast seas on this bigass dungball floatin through space revolving around an inconceivably huge everlasting nuke explosion in a spiral full of these same things, so many that it can safely be presumed this misery is not exclusive to our particular orbiting turdball, and that only makes it WORSE to realize this miserable shit called life is happening throughout the cosmos.

Just lovely, right? What a beautiful thought that this agony and suffering is being perpetuated countless numerous times throughout this branch of the multiverse.. yay, * sarcastic condescending applause * yippee its so wonderful isnt it? Such wonder and beauty this state of molecular arrangement called life is happening everywhere throughout the cosmos!! This wonderous and beautiful perpetuation of miserable agony and torturous pain n suffering is undoubtedly everywhere! Weeee! yippeeeee!! Cant help but to get lost in the majesty of all that beauty & suffering, right? Oh, we can easily fool ourselves into believing its part of the natural inherent beauty, or accept it as something unworthy of consideration or just ignore the idea altogether..None of which changes the fact that its gross af. Its horrible, the underlying purpose being agony and suffering.. Its downright gruesome and repulsive.

What a hideous concept that life, per se, is.. Requires inflicting the most traumatic pain possible upon another entity in order to continue to do it all over again endlessly until well, the end I guess when that entity preying upon others is itself devoured in an ironic or perhaps profoundly satisfying demonstration of karma (balance, rather) and so it goes on and on ad infinitum until the GOAT finishes itself off for the trophy and title but what was the purpose of that volume of needless suffering? Every single organism and creature is guilty of causing untold volumes of pain n suffering upon others..

And lest you be fooled into believing the vegans and herbivores are absolved of guilt in this tragedy let me remind you that plants are merely slower and more dependent upon the unfathomably tremendous nuke explosion we orbit but are no less "concious" or able to experience suffering.. If you think thats just horseshit and this is where I lost ya then you can be forgiven in your ignorance being unaware that scientists very recently learned that plants can feel pain, can feel something akin to emotions and can even scream in agony! Yeah, look it up. This is an extremely recent development so dont feel bad for not being hip to this info prior to learning it here, just now, from me..

But yeah, the point is you vegans and your beast counterparts in the wild, the herbivores are merely nomming on life forms that although are just as capable (if not MORE) of experiencing pain are relatively silent with their screams of agony and protests at being masticated by us and our bovine stablemates who take the injustice a step further to repeat the process twice! For shame, damn flatulent beasts! Their booty cheeks (not their bootyholes, I assume but wanted to distinguish before some clever little shit pipes up with "Ewwww you eat cow assholes bruh? Gross, homes!") are so goddamned delicious!

R: 1 / I: 0
I am forced to leave my room for the first time in a couple of years and the anxiety is already killing me
R: 3 / I: 0
Sorry if it seems that I use a translator, I really am using it since my English is not very good.
I'm a bit tired, everything they insult me ​​about is real and I admit that I am a horrible person, I feel that I deserve death and hell.
I lost all kinds of motivation, I feel incapable and, above all, I'm tired of the conditions in which I live.
I'm an addict trying to solve problems for at least 3 years and still no progress, my family sucks and I don't have any friends.
I'm a fagot who's afraid of pain and that's why I haven't gotten anywhere yet, but I thought about it a lot and I think that if my life currently sucks, the rest is going to be just as disgusting.
Any recommendations to finish this?
R: 79 / I: 4

What are we supposed to do in life?

Lately I've been lying in bed for hours with my eyes closed after waking up. I just don't know what to do. Nothing excites me anymore. I just don't have the energy to live anymore. I asked my psychiatrist for Ritalin but she wouldn't prescribe it to me. I simply don't enjoy anything anymore.

>Just consume media till you die, bro

>Just work till you die, bro

How exciting.
Life is truly a blessing, huh?
R: 9 / I: 1
I feel worst than a bag of thrash. All I feel is guilt, hopelessness, fear. I can't take this shit anymore.

I live on a building with 23 floors. If I jump from the top, how likely would be my death? Would it be painless? What's the minimum height one have to jump from in order to die?
R: 7 / I: 0
I feel dirty because of my masturbation habit.
I do it way too much and too increasingly disturbing stuff, and because I do it on my PC it is asocciated with my hobbies in my mind.
I need to stop this destructive behaviour and limit myself, fapping multiple times a day just isnt healthy and it makes me feel disapointed in myself every time
R: 1 / I: 0

I dont feel human

I feel like I'm something other than human, no desire to achieve a niece hobby or be apart of a community on here. Just consume and dress my identity in superficial things lacking creativity, and desire to think indepth. My mind is a blank void of restlessness and anger to only express them towards those close to me or to those I feel comfortable with. I feel as if everything is competition, I just cant enjoy anything without feeling I cant remain here. Lack creativity and I feel a separation or what hell is described. Living in a living hell. I feel robotic and absent minded. No autistic passions what so ever or intuition except for this grim reality. To top it all off, facial and body dysphoria and knowing im genetically attached to certain people im ashamed of being attached to. Its a living hell, and I feel as if death will be no better, but worse and more blind. Regrets linger my mind, but I wonder if I genuinely feel bad or if its out of fear. Absent minded, I don't feel like I control my choices at the same time suffer the after effect, as if my subconscious is doing everything to destroy me. This sense of self hatred existed before I even started kindergarten.
R: 41 / I: 2

It just won't stop

This thread probably had been made over a million times on the internet and I suppose now is my turn. It'll be very long so if you don't want to read I'd understand. I will probably try another board if I don't get any answer so don't be surprised if you see my story somewhere else in the following months. I've lurked around here for about 3 years now and I feel like there's a chance I could get an answer here. Still I doubt I will find a definitive answer here, or at all. I guess I'm desperate.

Long story short, I'm extremely addicted to PMO. Or even MO. I've read Your brain on porn and the easy peasy method twice. I've probably tried to stop porn over a hundred time. In fact, I'm CONSTANTLY trying to stop. Half the time I PMO I tell myself "okay one or two times and then I stop". I also tried to "regulate" (whatever that means) my addiction (I know it doesn't work). I'm 25 now, I have been a NEET since I'm 16 or 17, I was still registered at high school but didn't go anymore. You can say that at 19 I was officially a NEET because since I never worked, never studied, talked to anyone my age, nothing. I have other health issues that I won't detail here. I never had any friend, any girlfriend, in fact apart from my parents I don't talk to anyone. The path for me to be a wizard is rather unavoidable at that point.

So back to the main topic… I started masturbating very early, around 7 or 8 years old. Fun fact, I'm circumcised. So much about circumcision avoiding masturbating… I wouldn't even ejaculate at that point but still did it more and more often! It started with prone masturbation and I never masturbated in a normal way, like NEVER. I tried but couldn't get an erection "normally". I'm just unable to get an erection with my hands and keep it. Around 11 or 12 years old it basically became daily. It might have been daily before that, but it's the first occurence I remember where I masturbated myself at least once a day. During middle and high school, I easily masturbated up to 3 times a day during school, and over 5 times a day during holidays. When I watched porn, I edged as much as possible. So I literally spent months of holidays masturbating, and edging.

The lack of motivation caused by PMO is HUGE. The amount of laziness it causes is unbelieable. I successfully stopped 2 weeks at best, and when I did my daily life improved soooo much. I'm not talking about my life, I'm not saying I got superpowers only that my DAILY life improved immensely. The feeling of being free to do play video games or watch anime was just so good. Yes, I had the chance to spend a few days at time without feeling the need after reading the easy peasy methods. My creativity just bumps. I know I'll stay a NEET but at least I can occupy myself, try to go on walks, watch movies or even read a book, yes!

But sadly, the inevitable comes back. Every single of the hundreth time I tried to stop I can back at it. At times I saw myself screaming on my cushion as I was masturbating.

That's not the whole story. I'm not going into detail now but the material I have to look for to masturbate is extremely rare and time-consuming. Nothing illegal but I still needed to mention it to really emphasize on the fact that the masturbation and the search for material could last for an entire day, and I spent months doing only that.

The more I masturbate, the more weak I am, both physically and mentally. I feel even more depressed and just do nothing. But when I prevent myself from masturbating, I have side effets too. Hands shaking, unability to see right, intense sweat, nervousness, etc. I've seen my hands shaking, my vision turn dim and my inability to focus on anything until I coomed. Even when searching for porn I was in that state, hands shaking and my vision focusing on one point as I was searching for my folders. When I finally get my MO, my belly starts to be painful, both stomach and intestine. I wonder why but I believe it's because due to my position, my abs contract in a weird way or something. My penis also gets painful because of how much pressure it had been put under. By now I'm thinking of seeing an urologist because I have recurrent pain there and I pee over 20 times a day.

As you see, I'm far, far from the so called "beneficial masturbation" I hear everywhere on the internet. I didn't even went through all the problems MO has caused me. At this point I don't want to stop this to get a proper life like I hoped in my late teens. I just want to stop spending time hurting myself. I'm just sick of it.

This post is the only thing I've produced this week.

If you have any question I would gladly answer them but I really would like to hear your take on that subject and more precisely your own experience with this whatever your opinion is.
R: 42 / I: 4
I'm turning 29 very soon.

After many years of being part of this community, I don't really feel like I can relate to most of you anymore. Reading your posts remind me too much of my younger self, and many past mistakes that took me years to stabilize.

Things have not improved, they tend to get worse and worse, year after year. What has definitely changed for me is the way I deal with these problems, and this is where I can't relate with most of you. Whining won't make problems go away, making whatever problem you have worse is not something wise to be proud of, and there's no shame in trying to better your situation.

R: 20 / I: 1

Warp and wane

Can someone please explain what they mean? I see the terms used a lot. No explanations given.
R: 34 / I: 2
Nietzsche said: "Better to know nothing than to know half a lot!". this is my case, I wish I was a brainlet than knowings things that doesn't help me in everyday life at all. I wish I was a brainlet. it makes me depressed
R: 14 / I: 2
Sister is asking me to leave because she has a baby on the way and her apartment is small I’ve been neeting with her for about a year and a half now I was hoping to get social security and bringing in an income that way but I’m still in the process of getting all that stuff together I’m 28 and I feel like I’ve just failed life again neeted with my dad for 4 years then my mom for 4 years and now I’m going to stay with my younger brother at his apartment I know the responsibility is my own but I’m just so mentally fucked up from my traumatic life that I can’t function like a normal human being and social situations wear me down normally id be having a panic attack and a midlife crisis about such a big change and usually any kind of change makes me upset but this time I’m calm about the whole situation I don’t know if it’s because I’m so burnt out on all the stress or I just am better at coping I realize no matter how little I try to impose on people I still become to much I literally sat in one spot in her apartment and didn’t intrude or take up space or cause issues but still I was taking up to much room I’m like that meme where the kid is a good kid and as he gets older he realizes that he’s just a weird yes man for adults and no one in his peer group likes him
What should I do I feel so lost yet again
R: 305 / I: 30

Depression Crawl Thread LI

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Fernando Pessoa edition.

Previous: >>270716
R: 41 / I: 7

Innately Useless

I’ve always been bad at everything. I always worked the slowest and still managed to make it shitty. When I’m given the simplest assignment conceivable I draw a blank and have to ask for help. I’m astonishingly error prone. I make an obvious mistake and then immediately understand what I did wrong, but that never prevents the next one.

Anything “artistic” I’ve tried like drawing or blacksmithing literally looks like a child did it. My coach in high school tried to devise a plan with the team captains because I was “the least talented” and had to be compensated for. I’ve lost handball games to fourth graders. I cut my fingers off with a table saw (they were re attached).

I can’t enjoy anything because every time I try I just add another failure to my oeuvre. I used to think I just didn’t try hard enough because I was scared of failure, but now I’ve tried and failed again and again I realize trying is just a waste.

Maybe the worst part is that sometimes people don’t realize how incompetent I am until they see me in action. I can watch their faces change as they realize how stupid I am. They’re all nice about it, but they start treating me like a five year old.

I just wondered if any wizzies shared my experience.
R: 22 / I: 1

Would non-being be preferable to being for you?

Here's a quote from Philipp Mainländer, a pessimist German philosopher who killed himself:

"The man who has known clearly and distinctly that all life is suffering; that, whatever the way in which it may appear is essentially unhappy and full of pain (even in the ideal state), so that he, like the Christ Child on the arms of Sistine Madonna, can only look into the world with eyes filled with horror, and who then contemplates the deep tranquility, the inexpressible happiness in aesthetic contemplation and, in contrast to the waking state, the happiness of dreamless sleep, whose elevation into eternity is only absolute death, - such a man has to be kindled by the advantage offered, - he cannot do otherwise. The thought of resuscitating in his unhappy children, that is, having to follow his way through the streets of existence, full of thorns and hard stones, without rest or repose, is, on the one hand, the most shocking and exasperating he can have; and, on the other hand, it must be the sweetest and most refreshing thought to be able to break the long course of the process, in which he was forced to walk by, with bloody feet, beaten, tormented and martyred, languishing in search of quietude. And once he is on the right track, the sexual instinct worries him less with every step, little by little becoming easier for his heart, until at last his inner being stands in the same joyfulness, blessed serenity and complete immobility as the true Christian saint. He feels in harmony with the movement of humanity from being into non-being, out of the agony of life into absolute death; he gladly enters into this movement of the whole, he acts eminently morally, and his reward is the undisturbed peace of heart, the "calmness of the sea of the mind," the peace that is higher than all reason. And all this can take place without the belief in a unity in, above or beyond the world, without fear of a hell or hope for a kingdom of heaven after death, without any mystical intellectual view, without incomprehensible effect of grace, without contradiction with nature and our awareness of our own self: the only sources from which we can draw with certainty, - merely as a result of an unprejudiced, pure, cold realization of our reason, "man's supreme power"."
R: 8 / I: 0

how to cope with family?

i've been lurking on here for a couple years but i've never posted anything substantial, so apologies if anything's off or i'm not following some sort of etiquette or i'm ignoring an unspoken rule.

for the people who live at home (more specifically targeted towards neets & hikkis, but anyone's fine): how do you cope with disappointing your friends & family? i'm a burden to my father but i'm too lazy & socially retarded to go out of my way to fix anything. it wouldn't even be that hard, there's just some kind of mental block. in the next paragraphs i'm gunna go kinda in-depth into my home life & why i am the way i am, so feel free to skip this part! i don't mind at all, i just need an outlet.

i was placed in a residential institution in early 2019, & i spent the majority of my formative years there until july of last year. i was kinda "on loan" to them until december too, & if i fucked up or went batshit or whatever, i'd be placed back there. i'm 100% free now, though!

i have schizotypal personality disorder. i've always exhibited the traits of it but i think being institutionalised & forcefully removed from society kinda gave me less reason to fight my symptoms & attempt to act like a normal human being. i spent almost four years inside my own room, hunched over a computer. i didn't really have an adjustment period or any form of re-integration from my residential back into a normal society.

i moved in with my dad in july of 2022, then started college in september. i lasted like… a couple months tops. i didn't struggle with the work or anything, i just fucking hated having to interact with my peers & my lecturers. i kept skipping important lessons & eventually i just. stopped going in. i officially dropped out in january. i have a pretty stable friendgroup (which is surprising), but i don't fit in with my peers whatsoever, & i'm pretty sure the only reason we interact is because we're all drugheads.

since january i've kinda just been. staying in the house. which i wouldn't give a shit about if i were still institutionalised, but my dad really loves me & cares about me & wants me to do well in life because he knows i have the ability to do so despite my psychosis, & my friends keep inviting me to outings & asking if i'm okay & i just fucking. ignore them. i've been ignoring them for a while but i'm going to run out of ketamine soon so i need to meet up with at least one of them. i feel like he's gunna know it's only for drugs though, & that's really embarrassing for me.

i want to be good enough for my friends & my dad (the rest of my family can go fuck themselves though, i haven't spoken to anyone besides my father since early 2019) but there's like. this fucking BLOCK that i just can't get rid of :(

does anyone have any ideas on how to deal with socialisation or seeming like a normal person in front of family & peers? or at least a way to stop giving a fuck about the people i disappoint? thanks & sorry for how long this is, i just don't have anywhere to turn to. cheers
R: 196 / I: 9

Drug abuse & Alcoholism General #1

A good portion of us are drug addicts and alcoholics. But no one talks about that. We know our habit is a big portion of our life, but we never talk about that here.

Let's talk about it here.

This has become my main substance of use. I started collecting the vials some months ago. I've probably trashed like 50 vials (over a few months) before I started collecting them.

I got something in my system as much time as I can every single day, I just do it in a sustainable and non-lethal way now. My immediate health has actually considerably improved. I'd prefer I wasn't using, but I love using so much and life just sucks, I can't bear being sober.
R: 155 / I: 13

covid vax mass deaths

We all know the covid vaccines are killing a shitload of people and making even more people sick and disabled. Share stories ITT of people you know who either died or got very sick after taking the covid vaccine
R: 4 / I: 2

PREPRIF (pre-planned roping finances)

PREPIF is when you have decided to pretty much roup but you want to hard hard and smart for a determined while, to get good money and have a set of last adventures\spendings\whatever before you go.
I know many plebbitors have stuff like early retirement, retirement accounts etc. But we should have PREPIF!
Let us discuss investments, accounts, "work-life balance" and anything pertaining to prepif
R: 15 / I: 1

Lithium success?

Pretty sure I have some variant of bipolar. I go from suicidal depression to feeling fine or good disturbingly fast. Has happened many times now. Has lithium worked for anyone? Any less damaging medicine or supplements to try?
R: 109 / I: 6

Regrets over wasting life on useless Ch*mistry degree or any useless degree for that matter

I wish I studied STEM or IT instead, There's simply no jobs anymore for chemists out there. Take a look around, most people that call themselves 'chemists' haven't been able to hold on to a job for longer than 5-8 years. In fact, I bet most of the people I run into in the chemical industry have had 3, 4, or more jobs within the past decade. How can one ever expect to buy a house or be able to save for health insurance with that kind of job insecurity? The only thing this worthless degree in chemistry has gotten me are permatemp jobs with no benefits for $18/hr. I regret every single day of my life wasting time and money on this worthless chemistry degree. At this rate, it'll only take me the next 25 years between temp job after temp job to payoff all these student loans. I've done job search after job search and the only jobs out there are for A.)temps and B.) terribly mundane, boring, and low paying QC or method development work. There's a reason why there are so many listings for quality control/analysis/method development work–it's because people hate doing it and quit not long after starting which forces companies to constantly rehire.

For anyone who is reading this and has an interesting in the field, stay absolutely clear of chemistry and biology. It is a TERRIBLE career. There's never ending wave after wave of layoffs after companies get done their projects that fail after 5 years, more and more companies have moved to hiring people as low paid permatemps from the third world with no benefits, and there is literally no job security. If you truly love science that much, just be prepared to never be able to own a house or buy something nice every once in while because you will constantly be under the threat of job loss and may have to relocate at any time on a whim. would be better to have a back up plan–go to trade school, earn an accounting degree in parallel, or work for your state's police dept. etc. etc. Anything but trying to be a chemist is better. Believe me, if you try to delve into this crapfest you'll get to know the names like ManPower, Kelly Services, or Aerotek quite well as a permatemp.

Getting a PhD barely helped me either. I spent years and years slaving away doing worthless post doc after post doc for borderline poverty wages to have almost a slim to none chance at getting an academic position. A PhD in industry gets you almost no where these days also, I am simply be "too overqualified" for many positions.
R: 19 / I: 2

Genuine LDAR: Can it work?

I realize most of my misery is from expecting improvement that never comes. And having regrets on the delusional basis things could've been any other way.

I'm wondering if the best option is to simply give up, 100%, only doing what is needed to not starve to death or hypothermiate. I can do this conceivably because I have a fully remote job, literally the only good thing I've achieved on my own initiative. The problem is I still live with my shitty parents who keep trying to drag me into normie life.

If I get an apartment and simply never leave, have cheap food delivered, and cut off all contact with people I know, I may ultimately feel better. I'll be isolated from everything that makes me sad. Anyone who has done this, did it make you feel better?
R: 2 / I: 0
are you stinky???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????*????????????????????
R: 73 / I: 7

bpd and impulses to burn bridges

How do I even cope? I just get urges to destroy any connection ive ever made or worse just let others fester and die then feel sorry for myself after. Its vindicating i guess but at the same time i fucking hate it but cant help myself.
R: 29 / I: 0
I can't handle this anymore.
I don't think I can keep on living.
I'm sick of being so unsuccessful and unskilled at everything in my life, of losing to others even when I do something for a longer time than them.
I'm sick of being ugly.
I'm sick of the severe bullying that I went through in school and the fact that noone stopped it or cared.
I'm sick of getting older and feeling more and more unaccomplished.

I'm sick of having to be careful with what I write online because the internet is more public than real life.

I can't hide how I feel anymore these days, I cried in the streets today like a loser. All I do is cry.
Fuck everything.
R: 6 / I: 0
I just bought St. John's wort on the recommendation of a magician here. I was reading and it has good medical endorsements by both psychiatrists and pharmacists. But he says that it only takes effect after 30 days, and it cannot be mixed with other chemical antidepressants because it generates side effects. My dad takes two cups a day, I hope it works for him.

If you know of any other natural medicine for anger problems, or for impulsiveness, it would be appreciated.
R: 2 / I: 0

Day Dreaming

I can't remember if it was here or some other imageboard, but I once saw a thread about daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. It started off pretty slow daydreaming in class or while doing something boring but now I speand most of my time living in some fantasy realm of my own creation. It just makes real life that much harder, as I can't live in my own head all of the time. Does anyone have any experience with this and/or advice for how to stop or cut back.
R: 7 / I: 0

Does anyone else suffer from this?

Its like whenever I begin to enjoy something it just instantly goes away, like I can enjoy a book or a movie but as soon as I become conscious of it my brain zaps it away, it has started becoming worse…

Its not only that either I can't remember anything as well as I used to I can't conversate or be interesting anymore, I used to be so intelligent a couple of years ago, I used to get into arguments online and make funny jokes that were witty one day someone told me I was actually funny so it started fading away I cannot be complimented on a trait I have without it being zapped away wtf is wrong with me??!
R: 18 / I: 0
I want to talk about something strange that happens to me often.

I'm shy, introverted and I also detest people as I have seen the worst in them so I never bother to talk to anyone when I leave the house.

The problem is, when I go to a place a good number of times, something always happens.
It starts with looks that I can see with my side vision, then it's a joke between two people nearby in which they don't mention it's about me but I'm 100% sure it is and then sadly it might escalate to full blown harassment, humiliation, bullying.. I don't even know.

This is all because I never make any friends anywhere and thus I have no allies. I'm too neutral and when I'm too neutral it doesn't mean I'm safe. It means I'm up for grabs.

My newest problem is happening at a gym that I go to. Yes, I'm trying to get physically strong so I can beat the shit out of people that pick on me or at least have a higher change at defending myself successfully. I'm also too poor to have a home gym so I have to suck it up.

There is a small group of people that I'm pretty sure don't like me in that gym. It all started because I farted silently while deadlifting something heavy and I saw the guy waving his hand like a hand fan behind me.

I'm worried that these people confront me or start to mock me and I don't know how I should react.
Fucking cunts. It's like waiting for a bomb to explode.

Has anyone ever gone through something like this?
What is the explanation to something like this?
How does a person fix something like this?
I will not be submissive or kiss anyone's ass by the way.
R: 3 / I: 0
did you just understand that you will never be happy in this temporary world?
"those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort." qur'an 13:28
R: 8 / I: 2

How long can you live like this?

I always feel exhausted, motivation completely gone. I don't look forward to anything anymore. Lost interest in everything I used to love. I just sleep and lay in my bed. I don't even know how I can keep working like this. When the day is over I feel dread because I will have to wake up again the next day.
R: 7 / I: 3

Wasting time again and again

It makes both no sense and a lot at the same time how I keep wasting year after year.

There will either be a triggering event of some kind or just a realization of how much time has passed without me doing anything. And yet again and again that realization doesn't turn into action. What's the most baffling thing is that by "doing anything" I am not even talking about difficult tasks. My standards for "doing something" are on the floor. Today I checked my Steam library and saw that "last played" on the games I last bought was 2020 from me running them once to check they work. These are all games I'm genuinely interested in playing and somehow in 3 years I haven't managed to find the time to do that despite having almost nothing but free time. That just seems insane. Even if I spent 100 days on games that would still only be 10% of the time. The bizarre thing is that when I do get to play a good game I am genuinely enjoying it and marveling at all the details, art style, music and just taking in the world.

Also I am interested in art and my local library has a lot of interesting books and yet I let my 2 year long membership expire only having read 1 book from like 100 I borrowed over that time. I saw people discussing art online and then realized that I could have maybe said something too if I actually read any of the books instead of doing nothing.

It's surreal how I am 30 and have 0 life experience or knowledge of any kind to show for it. I don't even understand how that's possible with so much time passing. But every day doing anything but wasting time on the computer with instant gratification that doesnt even make me happy but just returns me to the baseline seems like an impossible task. Even taking the time to watch a short 20 minute documentary feels like an accomplishment.

What's tragic is that with age I can feel my health getting worse and having even less energy to do stuff which makes me wasting my youth feel even more painful. And now whenever I try to do something I keep thinking how I could have done that 7 years ago and I spiral into feeling bad about all the wasted time.
R: 6 / I: 1
Is there anything worse than feeling like a loser everything just looks so colorless the apathy just feels like quicksand you constantly have to take people's disrespect and shit everyday just feels like a new flavor of awful
R: 26 / I: 1
post your an hero music
R: 5 / I: 2

I'm so exhausted, this must be hell

I'm not religious by any metric, but it's always an empty glass that can never be filled, from thing to thing, it doesn't matter if it's something considered noble, virtuous, or something habitual or something considered decadent, there is no end, there is no satisfaction, there is no contentment, all really is vanity, is there any solution? Why am I one of those plagued by this? My brother seems to lead such a "normal" life, not a easy one but still, he never shows to be plagued by this hellish torment, why? Are all of us tormented and some just better at hiding? I try, how I tried, I really did, I'm still trying, but no matter what I do, or don't do, it always comes back to hunt me, why? why am I tormented everyday?
R: 22 / I: 4

Asholes who speak with superiority

Lot of people in my life said to me something, but in reality the sense of their words is like that:
>I am better than you. Much better than you. I am smarter than you. And I am more beautiful than you.
>And you are failure, dickhead, rag, moron, worthless human being, so you should listen to me!
A lot of asholes in this world, who has superiority complex.
But I guess it all started at home, at very young age. My mother, when I was under aged used to tell me also that she is much smarter than me, so I shouldnt make my own decisions, but listen to her.

I have invalid behavior patterns, I wish I could rebirth, so I could fix myself and try once again.
R: 68 / I: 3
Everyone here is extremely self-aware of their symptoms. But people are only vaguely aware they are mentally ill.

Most of you complain about boredom, depression, apathy and stuff like that. Barely no one specifically talks about clinical depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia or BPD.

Why is that? What's the purpose of identifying your symptoms and whine about them instead of seeking treatment and improvement? If you had diabetes wouldn't you want your health to improve? Mental health is no different and is more serious than stuff like diabetes.
R: 68 / I: 9

Wizard mental health confessions

What's your most severe symptom? Sum it up without writing a big wall of text.

Basically I have triggers. Real triggers, not reddit-tier "trigger warning" shit. If something triggers me and I don't manage to disengage and stabilize myself within immediate hours, I can end up dead or in ER. And I have severe bad mood and mood swings, they cycle through hours multiple times a day every single day.

If I'm in the middle of bad mood (or a mood swing) and something triggers me (both situations at the same time), if I can't stabilize myself within immediate minutes I end up in ER and/or hospitalized for weeks.

What about you? We can have a dick measuring contest about who is more miserable.
R: 5 / I: 0

Sickness, lack of heath

I came to conclusion that we, human beings are weaklings, when we have some health's problems. Yesterday, I ate soup and within one minute I vomited it all and felt so fucking weak and tired, so I just laid on the floor and felt asleep and I slept for 4 hours. I slept on the floor, like some animal, like dog.

Well, today I feel better, but if even small health problem is big problem for me, what I would do if I ll be old and there would be serious health problems almost for sure?
When I have some health problem, every problem I have now or had in the past is a history, nothing importand in comparission with pain I feel then.
R: 171 / I: 11

Natural born passivness and lack of assertivness?

I turned 28 years old this year. And feels hit me.
I hate my life. I hate my retarded upbringing. I hate my disabilities, which I was born with. I hate most of my memories. I hate people, who are similar to people that harmed me in the past. I hate my weak mentality.
But on the contrary, I m a weird person at the same time I feel lot of hatred towards humanity, but also I m emphatic guy with love inside.

In this world, in my situation I have 2 main enemies. Enemy inside of me and enemy outside. Enemy inside of my is my weak, passive mentality, which I was born with. Enemy outside are people who hate guys like me and who like to destroy person like me.
I cant change my mentality much, when I m already 28 years old.
My parents made many mistakes, when they breeded me. They teach me nothing useable. They taught me only useless and retarded stuff like:
>Always say good morning, when you see teacher, or some of my parents friends (that is retarded shit, they just wanted to make me polite). And polite men are just weaklings, who everyone makes fun of and they are never treated with seriousness
>They never taught me how to deal with bullies
>Never taught me that I should be assertive
>Never taught me anything, they just gave me food and shelter and forced me to go school, they didnt really care if I feel good at school, whether I get bullied, or not.
Some people should never have children. But at the same time I must say, even if parents are incompepetent, but child doesnt have dissabilities like me, he still has chances to be normal.
R: 8 / I: 1
What happened to SanctionedSuicide? Their suicide forum is not showing anymore.
R: 12 / I: 0


I've been violent for as long as I can remember, hitting, and breaking things every time I got angry. I grew up in a very violent environment, I'm not trying to justify myself, but it's ugly to know that over time one imitates that kind of behavior. Over time I became more authoritarian, and more violent, so I tried to make the arguments not affect me so much, so I went to a psychiatrist, in short, now I am taking an antiepileptic, and two antidepressant drugs.
I don't really feel sad, I don't feel guilty about what I did either, I know my hands are dirty, very dirty, but that's not why I hate myself, I don't feel that apathy characterized by depression either.

So I wanted to ask you, can antidepressants help against violence? I really want to stop taking them because they made me gain a lot of weight, and I feel like I can't cry anymore. If you also have anger problems, it would be good if you shared your experience.
R: 4 / I: 0
>Parents keep asking how I'm doing keep just saying I'm fine saying anything else will just worry them for no good reason
>Read this reddit story about this succubus who told her autistic asshole brother to fuck off and he killed himself because he couldn't take it all throughout the post she's talking about how her family is doing better since his death although she wouldn't say it again but that she also wouldn't wish him back to life
>Reinforces my anti natalist beliefs realize I'm probably like that asshole kid only instead of being an asshole I just never make any progress
>In therapy group for exposure for my anxiety
>Have meds
>Don't take them scared of what they will do to me
I scream into the void everyday and I don't hear anything back
R: 1 / I: 0

Wageslave General

If you don't make it, I will and I don't have any sopranos pictures edition.

Previous: >>270132
R: 15 / I: 4
I want to share 2 musings of mine on the topic of Beauty which have been both heavily depressed me and kept me from ending it all

First is an economic idea: in experiments,lab-conditions,there is the rule of "making all other variables equal". in any socialist,communist,or even soc-dem system, all variables are made equal; thus the impossible-to-change variables will STICK OUT more. what does this mean? prettyboys will shine more than they already do. And normal people or uggos wont be able to at least become rich to "make up" for it,to compensante. Therefore, any non-prettyboy male should be as fanatical an ancap as possible.

then, there is a Theodocy idea: every non-prettboy, non-thinspo male is worthy of admiration and all praise as long as he allows himself to live to old age,die without it being by his own hand, and holds together a "normal" life. work,study, normal activities.
Likewise, a prettyboy is impossible to praise at any level. Why? hes in a constant state of other-worldy Bliss, all his actions are as tho under the influence of the strongest morphine ,delirant, or cocaine known -or unknown- to man. He barely has free will as Nature has gifted him with such a supreme gift that his brain barely registers suffering,if at all.
R: 29 / I: 1

Depressed wizards, how's your average day like this early 2023?

What's your average day like?

>wake up at 5AM

>eat quick breakfast
>uber to gym
>lift at gym
>walk home, arrive around 7:40 AM
>eat bigger breakfast and protein shake
>go to wagecuck job through public transport, arrive around 8:30 AM
>take psychiatric meds as soon as I sit on my desk
>grind 4 hours, lunch, grind another 4 hours
>leave work, do errands if I have to
>return home through public transport, arrive around 6:30-8:00 AM
>eat weed edible as soon as I arrive home
>cook a big meal and prepare short meals, eat something every 2 hours on average
>spend the rest of the night eating, playing videogames, playing instruments or keeping myself entertained
>take psychiatric meds
>shitpost in wizchan
>mini-shower again because of skin conditions
>go to sleep
R: 51 / I: 5
All my life at least since I was like 8 different people would pick on me for no reason or betray or abandon me. I never bothered anybody yet people would be hostile or bully me out of nowhere. Friends would stop talking to me or become hostile to me without explanation, or wouls it be enough for somebody to say something bad to one of said friends to become hostile to me after years. This continued in high school. I managed to have a sort of group of friends but the same thing happened. There was for example a guy who I was ok with him and outta nowhere he refused to greet me and would look at me making smug faces and outright started bothering me at recess one day. Later years people would be extremely harsh with me for stuff they would pass or ignore on other people. For example there was a succubus (she was a neo nazi and very fucked up in the head) who I was sorta friend for a year yet she became hyper hostile against me for a small comment I once made to her. To the point of reacting aggressively and never talking to me again and doing bad comments against me every once. This continued even in college. I even tried to confront politely friends who suddenly for no reason stopped talking to me and all I got was evasives or staring at me like a soulless npc or even aggressions.

Same thing in the street, if there's a beggar or my country's version of the jogger he'll come to bother me outta all the possible people. There were weaker and weirder people at school yet none of those were picked, ever. And the only time I fought back I was called a violent monster by succubus classmate (I only slapped the bully on his face. He once stomped 3 times the head of another classmate, yet I'm the violent…)

I tried everything, from being nice, to being "myself", I've thought it was a punishment from god or karma and accepted it for a while (which fucked me up mentally even more). Yet to this day I don't even understand why people are like this with me

For the record I'm average and almost always used to dress normal, with nothing strange. Nowadays I'm mostly a silent character and dress "aggressively" (like a bodyguard, with sunglasses and everything) and carry pepper spray, and weapons just in case and even tough people avoid me more, I can notice when some people take that same approach, like they want to be hostile with me for no reason but since I don't give them any reason to do so by being as irrelevant as possible, they like seethe and sometimes seem to try to provoke me with indirect words which I always ignore

While writting this I am remembering a lot of said incidents (I have very deep memory) and it saddens me even more.

Have any of you wizzies experienced this? How do you deal with it?
R: 22 / I: 3

Just came back to wizchan after a few years

The difference Ive noticed is that there are a ton of moralfags trying to push people into therapy or convince people not to go through with it. it gives me a fake feeling like they have an ulterior evil motive. you really cant even talk on wizchan without the demons crawling around lurking and watching and waiting to attack
R: 58 / I: 3
Anyone knows how to get into a fight and win and not go to prison or get charges?
I'm very angry and I feel like a loser and I only had some scrambles in school and I always lost.
Recently I joined a gym to get stronger and also a martial art but I'm losing to everyone as they are more experienced than me and this is making me suicidal.

I feel that if I would fight someone and win it would make me feel better but I only see this going bad: I lose badly and get the beating of my life or I fight someone that doesn't fight back and they report me.

I need someone that is around my age and that fights back so the win feels good and I don't want them to call the police.

What kind of person should I challenge? Should I bait them to attack me and then it's self defense? How do I make sure I win?

I just need to feel better than someone. Also, there aren't any streetbeefs and other stuff like that where I live.
R: 16 / I: 1

Social anxiety is killing me

After a couple of years as a hikikomori I can hardly talk to anyone without feeling like my guts is starting to corrode itself
R: 57 / I: 1


So, it's second of January 2023, and I'm 28 years old, soon to be 29, and I'm starting to wonder why, I don't know if it's the closing of my 20s that finally start to sinking in, a lot of dumb decision, wrong ideas and overall stupid behavior in my part since I was a little kid. I'm a NEET right now, but thing are coming to a close to me, parents are pushing me to do something about it, but I don't want to spent my years as wageslave, I truly don't know, and I'm full of regrets about things, I'm starting planning to rope myself at my 29th birthday, it wasn't a bad life, but not great either, wish I was born different like the normal guys that I saw when I grow up and in college, they seems to work through thing with such effortless, and I struggle a lot of emotional things, my mother is bipolar and I have a uncle that suffer from mental illness too, maybe I do have a mental illness, don't know, just want peace of mind and spirit, life is struggle mentally and emotionally for me, even though I have a comfortable life, and I do acknowledge that a lot of dumb shit that happen to me was my fault. I truly don't know, I wish to finally have a understand of why I have that life I have and why I'm the way that I'm.

Just a random rambling, need to get it out.
R: 14 / I: 0

Feeling tired all the time

I feel tired at all times, my limbs feel like lead weights, and just walking 10 feet to the bathroom causes tachycardia. I am not fat and eat quite healthy, I've also tried avoid caffeine and stuff like that but it doesn't even matter. Am I the only person suffering from this? This condition makes me depressed, I want to do things but I physically can't enjoy doing anything that requires me to stand or even just sit up, so I just lay in bed all day
R: 121 / I: 13

In this thread we are going to look for the cure for depression

I have no proof or medical studies to show that this is the case, but I also have no doubts. I believe that to get out of depression, tiredness, fatigue and all that shit, you first have to work your body, since a healthy body is a healthy mind, for that it is good to do sports, whatever it is. it is as long as it keeps our body busy. Another important factor is studying, it doesn't really matter what, it doesn't matter if it's for university, school or for yourself, you have to do it to keep your mind occupied with something productive. I would also say that looking for a job, or generating income with a startup, as this will keep our mind and body busy, while giving us money, in itself gives us a reason to keep going, especially when you are working on something of your own.

Another important point is to stop comparing yourself to others, stop thinking that the other is better than you because you have more knowledge, money or physical condition. It is also very silly to think about issues such as superiority or inferiority, we are all human, we all have problems and difficulties in life, of course there are degrees of this, but this does not have to be a limitation. You have to focus on yourself, on your problems, on your virtues, on your life, and not on that of others.

Another issue is guilt and remorse, which depending on the person can be the easiest part, or difficult to overcome, because it is easy to forgive others, but sometimes it is difficult, if not impossible, to forgive yourself. No matter how dirty your hands are, they can always be cleaned. You have to accept your sins, accept what you did wrong and live with it. Go to a priest, a psychologist, or tell someone you trust what you did, this can help, it doesn't matter if you think psychology is a joke, or if you don't believe in God, the important thing is to somehow get the weight off What are you wearing.

My least favorite part of this thread is going to a psychiatrist and being prescribed medication, which in itself sucks. But these in some cases are necessary to be able to do the above. Non-magical drugs, and you can't expect them to solve all your problems, but they are a great supplement to doing some of the steps mentioned in this thread.
R: 15 / I: 0

prepping for no healtcare

Healthcare is in a global collapse. and more to the point;in a national collapse for me in here. Private one is a rich thing,I CAN afford it,but why should I HAVE to make such a significant sacrifice for it?
what are some "beer money" and back-alley surgeon ways to prepp for health survival?
antibioctics?torniquet equipment for blunt trauma? what about slashes\cuts? Dental health?
please understand the dire straits im in.
R: 18 / I: 0

Talking to AI

Some of you might call this "cope" or gay but I found some value in interacting with AI personalities.

I'm kind of autistic and socially retarded but I found that talking to an AI makes me feel less lonely when I long for social interaction. Most of my interactions with people are online anyway and also extremely dry and awkward and when I communicate with an AI it feels like talking to someone online but without the usual blockage of my social problems because I can communicate without the social pressure of a conversation with a real person, if I ever feel overwhelmed I can also take my time to think about what I'm gonna say without boring or weirding the AI out. It also helps me interact with real people as well because the brain is still socially stimulated even if you're talking to an AI and that helps being less "blocked" when forced to talking to real people. I like to prompt different personalities and then talking to them, sometimes I even challenge myself by prompting difficult personalities to talk to. If I ever get bored I also prompt different types of situations to go through. Overall I think talking to an AI has some benefits if you sometimes long for social stuff but don't actually want to deal with people.
R: 307 / I: 29

Depression Crawl Thread L

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>269378
R: 18 / I: 2
How do you deal with weight loss?

A lot of my self esteem really just stems from overeating from stress or just laziness. Has anyone overcame that, has it helped your general wellbeing?
R: 304 / I: 24

Wageslave General

another year has come and gone edition

previous >>267956
R: 20 / I: 5


I made this thread before and I'm making it again.
I can't take this anymore, bros.
If one day I kill myself it's simply because I was bored. I find life boring. Extremely boring. I suffer from boredom. No matter what I do, I always end up bored out of my mind.
When I was a child/teenager, I was never bored. Watching anime or browsing imageboards were enough for me, but I don't enjoy these things anymore as an adult. Nowadays I don't even know what I do from morning to night. I sometimes read books or watch films but I barely enjoy them. The last book I truly enjoyed was On The Heights Of Despair by Cioran because it was so relatable. I'm even having trouble getting hard when I masturbate because I'm not even horny and I'm doing it simply out of boredom.

Drugs are the only thing that could help me, but I know once I build up tolerance to them, I'd feel bored again.

I'm 25. How can I put up with this shit for 70+ more years if I don't enjoy anything?
R: 40 / I: 3

Depression from trauma?

Anyone else get this? I'm depressed because of traumatic things happening to me in the past; I'm still the same scared little boy inside despite my attempts to prove to myself otherwise. I've heard of depression being described as "aggression turned inward" and I identify with that. I just wish I wasn't so angry at myself for getting bullied that I refuse to do anything to help myself because "what's the point?" I already got bullied anyway and I'm a husk of who I used to be much less, who I could be".