Question to the autistic wizardsI am, just like a lot of people here, on the spectrum, but unlike most people I see on the internet, who say that they suffer from autism, I sometimes see or hear stuff that is not present, have the feeling that others can hear my thoughts or feel haunted, if I do not take my medication, which I take, I have to. My doctor said that psychotic symptoms are quite common in autistic people, but whenever I get into contact with people on the internet, they do not say any of that. Does autism-wizzy have psychotic symptoms? Former doctors and therapist wanted to explain that stuff with Schizophrenia, but it's blatant from birth on that I have childhood autism and I am surely not schizophrenic. In all literature, blogs, vlogs and other media about austistic people or made by autistic people I can relate to the typical symtpoms, but never for stuff like the fear that other's can hear my thoughts or seeing or hearing stuff other people can't and similar symptoms. It's frustrating because it's very disabilitating.
Wizard for Financial ReasonsI always disregarded succubi because sometime when I was young I sat down and did a bunch of accounting and realized that there was no way I could ever afford gf/kids, that I'd have to save everything I could just to survive myself, and built my life around that.
How to start doing something?I think I've heard all advice there is by now on discipline and self-improvement but I have yet to manage to take the first step.
Last Time You Were HappyThe last time I actually felt happy was when I was 8 or 9. Everything I consider "good" is only good by virtue of being marginally less shitty than everything else out there. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm scared of death and want to believe I can be "happy" again. Weed is probably the closest I will get to that childlike feeling, but it makes me even more miserable and retarded when I'm sober so I know I have to stop smoking it
utter self hatredI don't think I have a happy memory that involves leaving my room. Most of my life has been spent in front of a glowing box. I didn't even particularly like it. I don't have anything worth talking to anyone about. And now I'm so depressed I don't even want to play games. I could have had a good life, or I could have had a shitty life. But instead I had no life. I threw away my chance before I even had it. At least most meth addicts had lives before they started smoking meth. At least most meth addicts had a reason to start smoking meth. I didn't have abusive parents. I didn't grow up poor. I didn't get shoved into lockers and given swirlies and pantsed. I didn't get beat up. But I almost wish I did. I almost wish I knew why I was so miserable today. Such a shell of a person. Instead, I have to wonder what it was that made me so "weird." What made me prefer spending all my time in my room playing video games and browsing imageboards? What lead to me being here, in front of my computer, high as shit, typing this faggy message to a bunch of other losers on an imageboard?
Getting irritated by sex stuffThis is something I never really understood about myself but ever since I can remember I've been getting extremely irritated by being involuntarily exposed to normie sex stuff to the point where I feel intense rage or severe discomfort, it's things such as sex scenes in movies, sexual memes, pornographic lyrics in music or people talking about sex in public and social media. It just instantly irritates me like nothing else. I've been feeling like this since I was like 8-10 years old and I wonder if anyone else knows what I mean.
ExerciseAny of you work out or exercise? Lets have a discussion about it
I want to die but don't know howI'm too scared. Just the thought of it makes me feel fear. I'm scared of dying AND death. I'm afraid of dying painfully. And I'm also afraid of death itself. The thought of non-existence and not being able to think is incomprehensible and scary to me.
Im scaredI am amazed at what the mind can cause, I haven't gone out for a few weeks, just depressed in my room, and it seems that my body is paying consequences that it had never had before.
Academic failureLast September I applied to several universities. English isn't my first language and it was one of my favourite subjects at both elementary and high school and because I never had any friends I grew up reading a lot, so I wanted to major in English Studies to become a translator or something. My parents thought otherwise so they forced me to put a medical university as my top choice and an engineering one as my second (my parents too had to sign my application papers). They made me take advanced chemistry and biology classes in high school and I did poorly on them, but I aced my other exams so even though I didnt get into medical school they accepted me into engineering.
31 and no skillsHow do I stop thinking about my lost years?
HighschoolWhat was highschool like for you guys? I feel like highschool shaped me into who I am and not in a good way. Constantly getting the shit kicked out of me and being laughed at by my female peers is what set me on the path of wizardy to begin with, but I guess I can't complain, a friend of mine from Russia got cigarettes put out on him at school. The worst part is parents and teachers harping on about how those are the best years of your life. Maybe for the genetically gifted, I guess I didn't deserve to have the "best years of my life"
Shouldn't have watch Tokyo ghoulThis urge has been killing me for years, the innocent strong willed soft male who cares for others. Finding love with a succubus who's also strong willed but tough. They meet once more as kaneki goes back to his roots to reconnect with an old friend who cares deeply about him. With all he went through and stood through unleashing that tear of relief. Got me second guessing about my attraction to fat succubi and chronic masturbation. Then slowly lured my way out of lust to love and desire for affection drastically turning into tomboys. Then gender role reversal, maybe due to insecurities. Slowly developing a personality that was more softer.
SuicideYes, another suicide thread.
Chronic Pain/illness threadThis is a thread dedicated to those poor souls among us who battle with chronic pain or illness alongside mental illness.
The high school uselessnessFor real that it's getting me tired trying to think how to educate young wizards about how to make a future for theirselves without falling for the scam of high school and rat race since high school is just a cattle breeder jail where minds and enforced into submission and swallowing useless crap, remaining unprepared to battle against a future doomed with wagecuckoldry that gets us all off guard and it's sick.
I tell you my experience after a year taking antidepressantsith antidepressantsAbout a year ago I went to a psychiatrist to treat my anger issues, I really didn't care what drug they put me on as this is a serious problem. But they diagnosed me with a major depressive, not a mild, or moderate, major one, which would put me in the same category as all those people who want to kill themselves, who have no aspirations, who have destroyed self-esteem, who hate themselves and the world around them, but above all they feel inexplicable fatigue and tiredness. I thought these antidepressant drugs would help me with impulsiveness, and fucking tiredness, but they didn't do shit, they just took away my humanity, I couldn't be sad anymore, nothing really mattered to me, I became submissive, without the ability to cry even though be it happiness or beautiful things like art or music. I became an apathetic being, incapable of feeling emotions. Apart from all that crap, I became fat, unable to enjoy food for the simple fact that I could never get enough, it was never enough, I always wanted to eat more, and more, which destroyed my body, further promoting fatigue. It was said that this was due to anxiety, which is ridiculous since I was taking 5 shitty drugs that are supposed to be against it, and coincidentally when I stopped taking the one with that side effect I stopped being a fucking pig. . I was afraid to go to the shrink, since the drugs really did not have any effect for what they were really intended for, for the damn tiredness and impulsiveness.
Suicide travelHave you ever thought about disappearing instead of simply killing yourself? This would be to reduce the pain of people who would be eventually affected by your suicide. It would also offer you an opportunity of wild fun before the end.
How do Normies manage it??Recently i've been playing a lot of dating sims and it showed me how apathetic i am about human relations, i'm so distant and incompatible with other people worldview (especially succubis), how do others Sub 8 at my age have so many friends and already had engaged in multiple relationships?
Advice for gun suicide in NYC?I live close to a gun store. I'm thinking my easiest option is to buy a gun and shoot through from my mouth to my brainstem. Does anyone know the details of how to get a gun legally here? Any advice on what type of gun, bullets, etc. I can probably get at a store that will reliably do the job?
Started caring about money with age?I feel like I trolled myself.
What are we supposed to do in life?Lately I've been lying in bed for hours with my eyes closed after waking up. I just don't know what to do. Nothing excites me anymore. I just don't have the energy to live anymore. I asked my psychiatrist for Ritalin but she wouldn't prescribe it to me. I simply don't enjoy anything anymore.
I dont feel humanI feel like I'm something other than human, no desire to achieve a niece hobby or be apart of a community on here. Just consume and dress my identity in superficial things lacking creativity, and desire to think indepth. My mind is a blank void of restlessness and anger to only express them towards those close to me or to those I feel comfortable with. I feel as if everything is competition, I just cant enjoy anything without feeling I cant remain here. Lack creativity and I feel a separation or what hell is described. Living in a living hell. I feel robotic and absent minded. No autistic passions what so ever or intuition except for this grim reality. To top it all off, facial and body dysphoria and knowing im genetically attached to certain people im ashamed of being attached to. Its a living hell, and I feel as if death will be no better, but worse and more blind. Regrets linger my mind, but I wonder if I genuinely feel bad or if its out of fear. Absent minded, I don't feel like I control my choices at the same time suffer the after effect, as if my subconscious is doing everything to destroy me. This sense of self hatred existed before I even started kindergarten.
It just won't stopThis thread probably had been made over a million times on the internet and I suppose now is my turn. It'll be very long so if you don't want to read I'd understand. I will probably try another board if I don't get any answer so don't be surprised if you see my story somewhere else in the following months. I've lurked around here for about 3 years now and I feel like there's a chance I could get an answer here. Still I doubt I will find a definitive answer here, or at all. I guess I'm desperate.
Depression Crawl Thread LIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Innately UselessI’ve always been bad at everything. I always worked the slowest and still managed to make it shitty. When I’m given the simplest assignment conceivable I draw a blank and have to ask for help. I’m astonishingly error prone. I make an obvious mistake and then immediately understand what I did wrong, but that never prevents the next one.
Would non-being be preferable to being for you?Here's a quote from Philipp Mainländer, a pessimist German philosopher who killed himself:
how to cope with family?i've been lurking on here for a couple years but i've never posted anything substantial, so apologies if anything's off or i'm not following some sort of etiquette or i'm ignoring an unspoken rule.
Drug abuse & Alcoholism General #1A good portion of us are drug addicts and alcoholics. But no one talks about that. We know our habit is a big portion of our life, but we never talk about that here.
PREPRIF (pre-planned roping finances)PREPIF is when you have decided to pretty much roup but you want to hard hard and smart for a determined while, to get good money and have a set of last adventures\spendings\whatever before you go.
Regrets over wasting life on useless Ch*mistry degree or any useless degree for that matterI wish I studied STEM or IT instead, There's simply no jobs anymore for chemists out there. Take a look around, most people that call themselves 'chemists' haven't been able to hold on to a job for longer than 5-8 years. In fact, I bet most of the people I run into in the chemical industry have had 3, 4, or more jobs within the past decade. How can one ever expect to buy a house or be able to save for health insurance with that kind of job insecurity? The only thing this worthless degree in chemistry has gotten me are permatemp jobs with no benefits for $18/hr. I regret every single day of my life wasting time and money on this worthless chemistry degree. At this rate, it'll only take me the next 25 years between temp job after temp job to payoff all these student loans. I've done job search after job search and the only jobs out there are for A.)temps and B.) terribly mundane, boring, and low paying QC or method development work. There's a reason why there are so many listings for quality control/analysis/method development work–it's because people hate doing it and quit not long after starting which forces companies to constantly rehire.
Genuine LDAR: Can it work?I realize most of my misery is from expecting improvement that never comes. And having regrets on the delusional basis things could've been any other way.
Day DreamingI can't remember if it was here or some other imageboard, but I once saw a thread about daydreaming and maladaptive daydreaming. It started off pretty slow daydreaming in class or while doing something boring but now I speand most of my time living in some fantasy realm of my own creation. It just makes real life that much harder, as I can't live in my own head all of the time. Does anyone have any experience with this and/or advice for how to stop or cut back.
Does anyone else suffer from this?Its like whenever I begin to enjoy something it just instantly goes away, like I can enjoy a book or a movie but as soon as I become conscious of it my brain zaps it away, it has started becoming worse…
How long can you live like this?I always feel exhausted, motivation completely gone. I don't look forward to anything anymore. Lost interest in everything I used to love. I just sleep and lay in my bed. I don't even know how I can keep working like this. When the day is over I feel dread because I will have to wake up again the next day.
Wasting time again and againIt makes both no sense and a lot at the same time how I keep wasting year after year.
I'm so exhausted, this must be hellI'm not religious by any metric, but it's always an empty glass that can never be filled, from thing to thing, it doesn't matter if it's something considered noble, virtuous, or something habitual or something considered decadent, there is no end, there is no satisfaction, there is no contentment, all really is vanity, is there any solution? Why am I one of those plagued by this? My brother seems to lead such a "normal" life, not a easy one but still, he never shows to be plagued by this hellish torment, why? Are all of us tormented and some just better at hiding? I try, how I tried, I really did, I'm still trying, but no matter what I do, or don't do, it always comes back to hunt me, why? why am I tormented everyday?
Asholes who speak with superiorityLot of people in my life said to me something, but in reality the sense of their words is like that:
Wizard mental health confessionsWhat's your most severe symptom? Sum it up without writing a big wall of text.
Sickness, lack of heathI came to conclusion that we, human beings are weaklings, when we have some health's problems. Yesterday, I ate soup and within one minute I vomited it all and felt so fucking weak and tired, so I just laid on the floor and felt asleep and I slept for 4 hours. I slept on the floor, like some animal, like dog.
Natural born passivness and lack of assertivness?I turned 28 years old this year. And feels hit me.
ViolenceI've been violent for as long as I can remember, hitting, and breaking things every time I got angry. I grew up in a very violent environment, I'm not trying to justify myself, but it's ugly to know that over time one imitates that kind of behavior. Over time I became more authoritarian, and more violent, so I tried to make the arguments not affect me so much, so I went to a psychiatrist, in short, now I am taking an antiepileptic, and two antidepressant drugs.
Wageslave GeneralIf you don't make it, I will and I don't have any sopranos pictures edition.
Depressed wizards, how's your average day like this early 2023?What's your average day like?
Just came back to wizchan after a few yearsThe difference Ive noticed is that there are a ton of moralfags trying to push people into therapy or convince people not to go through with it. it gives me a fake feeling like they have an ulterior evil motive. you really cant even talk on wizchan without the demons crawling around lurking and watching and waiting to attack
THINGS HIT HARDSo, it's second of January 2023, and I'm 28 years old, soon to be 29, and I'm starting to wonder why, I don't know if it's the closing of my 20s that finally start to sinking in, a lot of dumb decision, wrong ideas and overall stupid behavior in my part since I was a little kid. I'm a NEET right now, but thing are coming to a close to me, parents are pushing me to do something about it, but I don't want to spent my years as wageslave, I truly don't know, and I'm full of regrets about things, I'm starting planning to rope myself at my 29th birthday, it wasn't a bad life, but not great either, wish I was born different like the normal guys that I saw when I grow up and in college, they seems to work through thing with such effortless, and I struggle a lot of emotional things, my mother is bipolar and I have a uncle that suffer from mental illness too, maybe I do have a mental illness, don't know, just want peace of mind and spirit, life is struggle mentally and emotionally for me, even though I have a comfortable life, and I do acknowledge that a lot of dumb shit that happen to me was my fault. I truly don't know, I wish to finally have a understand of why I have that life I have and why I'm the way that I'm.
Feeling tired all the timeI feel tired at all times, my limbs feel like lead weights, and just walking 10 feet to the bathroom causes tachycardia. I am not fat and eat quite healthy, I've also tried avoid caffeine and stuff like that but it doesn't even matter. Am I the only person suffering from this? This condition makes me depressed, I want to do things but I physically can't enjoy doing anything that requires me to stand or even just sit up, so I just lay in bed all day
In this thread we are going to look for the cure for depressionI have no proof or medical studies to show that this is the case, but I also have no doubts. I believe that to get out of depression, tiredness, fatigue and all that shit, you first have to work your body, since a healthy body is a healthy mind, for that it is good to do sports, whatever it is. it is as long as it keeps our body busy. Another important factor is studying, it doesn't really matter what, it doesn't matter if it's for university, school or for yourself, you have to do it to keep your mind occupied with something productive. I would also say that looking for a job, or generating income with a startup, as this will keep our mind and body busy, while giving us money, in itself gives us a reason to keep going, especially when you are working on something of your own.
prepping for no healtcareHealthcare is in a global collapse. and more to the point;in a national collapse for me in here. Private one is a rich thing,I CAN afford it,but why should I HAVE to make such a significant sacrifice for it?
Talking to AISome of you might call this "cope" or gay but I found some value in interacting with AI personalities.
Boredom/tedium/anhedoniaI made this thread before and I'm making it again.
Depression from trauma?Anyone else get this? I'm depressed because of traumatic things happening to me in the past; I'm still the same scared little boy inside despite my attempts to prove to myself otherwise. I've heard of depression being described as "aggression turned inward" and I identify with that. I just wish I wasn't so angry at myself for getting bullied that I refuse to do anything to help myself because "what's the point?" I already got bullied anyway and I'm a husk of who I used to be much less, who I could be".