Depression Crawl Thread LVIIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
How do we get used to it?How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
HighschoolWhat was highschool like for you guys? I feel like highschool shaped me into who I am and not in a good way. Constantly getting the shit kicked out of me and being laughed at by my female peers is what set me on the path of wizardy to begin with, but I guess I can't complain, a friend of mine from Russia got cigarettes put out on him at school. The worst part is parents and teachers harping on about how those are the best years of your life. Maybe for the genetically gifted, I guess I didn't deserve to have the "best years of my life"
Why did I even bother?>Venting to succubus over insecurities in my looks that I've had since 11yrs old
Drugs & alcohol general #2It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our daily experience.
Wageslave GeneralThe pursuit of happiness is a bunch of bullshit edition.
How do I as a Poor Retarded Pajeet make peace with the fact that I'll never get to live in America?I know that majority of Indians will probably never leave India. But I grew up watching American movies as a kid, I was frequently bullied by my parents and people around me which made me seek un-Indian media, an escapism of sorts. And some of the happiest memories of my shitty childhood involve watching movies like 'Dr. Dolittle', 'Home Alone', and 'Baby's Day Out', I have always dreamt of how cool life could be in America, with sexy highways, unbelievably beautiful nature, big houses, pick-up trucks, polite people, less pollution, and incredibly minuscule population density compared to the shithole where I live.
31 and no skillsHow do I stop thinking about my lost years?
Cannot think/Brain-fog continuedWizards, I am discovering many reports of increased mental cloudiness in many unrelated parts of the internet. People generally to my judgement at least appear slower and more aggressive these days than in years past. The color of their minds has become grayer and far less sharp, if you will. Even the world itself feels "less real" and more muddled. Disassociation amongst normans is likewise being reported at higher rates today. What is going on exactly?
The situation awareness cycleI live with my parents and NEET and keep my mind occupied with the internet and entertainment but occasionally something will happen to remind me of my situation and I get baffled and stunned over how I got myself into this mess. Like my parents mostly let me be but once in a while they will ask me what I am doing and when I will get a job and I sadly have no answer or they will have obnoxious guests over that make me wish I had my own place. Or I get reminded of something and it makes me realize how much time has passed with me making 0 progress.
Not feeling aliveLife does not feel real to me most of the time. It's not even a result of sleep deprivation, since i feel the exact same on weekends too. I have trouble describing it, but life just feels like a dream or movie a lot of times. Sometimes I'm not even sure if this life is real. This might just be a dream or a matrix or something else. Because I don't feel anything.
MFW I don't have a single photo of myself.How is it even possible to have such an unremarkable and horrible life like I do. This is something that I want to share, I post on the interent, including here because I want to be heard, and I want to show people that I exist, and I have realised that this is attention whorery. I have also realised that I will never rise above this. I just want to show people that I exist.
How to accept how mundane life is?I think it's because I've missed out on having friends and instead isolated myself that I have unrealistic desires of life.
Anti-Suicide GeneralThe purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
im becoming a wagie against my will~Welp, the time has come. I'm finally at the stage of my NEETlife where my parents are threatening to kick me out if I dont find a job. Well, my dad and his gf are threatening me anyway. It sucks because she's such a vindictive whore that wears a huge niceness mask whenever she's around me, but obviously talks shit about me as soon as I leave the room. I'll hear her phone conversations with my father, and she'll just go on and on about how much of a worthless leech I am. It's funny because she hasn't worked a day in her life, and is currently leeching off my father. Guess she wants me out of the picture so she can have him all to herself? succubi are possessive like that, it's fucking scary. But, I guess I'll have to overcome my autism and do the "fake it till ya make it" method everyone always talks about. I'll also need a licence, which I've been trying to get for years. I scheduled a driving test, hope I dont get a shitty tester that marks me for mistakes I didnt even make like last time. Do any of you wagiewizzies have some advice for me? I plan on becoming a stockclerk since i dont get easily overwhelmed by physical work, but I still need to overcome my tism when it comes to the job interview. How do I easily fake my emotions and put on a happy face so the interviewer doesnt get pissed off and deny me?
It happened againYou know those dreams that show you, your real emotions. How empty and helpless your truly feel under the masquerade of dopamine driven hedonism, as your consciousness falls into a dark hole of unconscious with only the feeling of sorrow and restlessness to validate your own existence by being taunted a few glimpse of beauty that you lack mentally and physically. Constantly drifting in a wave of pain and suffering of feeling insignificant and hatred for my own identity. Noticed this feeling take place when awake, mentally lost and mindless when thinking about something or think about nothing at all. Coming to reconcile that I'm an NPC or soulless to some degree. Yet feel restless, if I'm soulless why does the desire for beauty, not just physically but mentally always become a constant burden to bare. How do I ascend without accepting myself.
Consistently getting recorded and leakedToday I went to a class and I got recorded and posted online even after I performed like shit.
The need to DOAbsorb yourself in to this image I have made. It aims to encapsulate a feel that many wizards new and old have felt. The need to DO, to create, to experience, but in the overwhelming world of options on exactly what can be done, it's hard to settle for anything, resulting in NOTHING. Everything from mood changes to how our joints ache can determine what we consider a worthwhile time sink at any time. Justifications for doing one or the other can altered by outside forces like what is the most profitable, what will get us the most wizfriends online, or what will put us in the history books (outtakes chapter).
How do i beat this time anxiety?I get really upset that the three winter months over here (May to July) went so damn fast. I love the cold weather and early darkness.
Another panic attackStuck in a dilemma where my personality is overly affectionate and feminine but your appearance is masculine, not even attractive masculine. Or soft on the eyes to at least relieve some of those heavy features. Picture those old cowboy movies where there is "that" one drunkard stereotype and mix that with mediterranean features. It's just so grotesque and filthy. Come to think of it maybe it is what added to my mental issues, seeing an abomination look back at you.
Ignoring emotions and retaining perfect controlI want to work on being able to ignore my emotions and stay in control of my actions despite whatever is going on underneath. I am pretty sure it is possible as this has been a goal of mine for a long time now and I have made some progress. Has anyone here managed to do this? Any tips would be appreciated. I want to be able to live a life unrestrained by things like fear, doubt and anxiety. I assume if you just brute force your way into appearing perfectly calm and composed and brute force yourself through doing the things you want to do it should be possible. The trick would be to be able to retain outward control despite strong inner emotions. I have done this before a few times, now I just need to be able to reproduce the effect consistently.
computer smashingFor the past three years I've gone through a cycle of
Psychosis and depressionHow about a thread for those of us who are literally psychotic ON TOP of being depressed? Like, actual hallucinations 24/7.
Dying ParentsThe only person in the entire world who knows me, the only soul i've ever cared about is dying. I cannot imagine life without them, how do wizards who have experienced the loss of a parent cope?
Depression Crawl Thread LVIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Hell has no basementI just moved out by myself, basic conditions, ugly place. My room just flooded because of poor infraestructure, I just lost money I can't afford and I tagged myself as a whiny problem neighbor just for trying to solve the issue.
Shame of being NEETHow do you deal with this?
What is depression?Despite trying to treat it as early as when I was in school I still don't have any clear idea what depression is. There are so many general symptoms that it sounds like anyone going through a bad time can get diagnosed. I don't feel a sense of community from depression forums because everyone experiences is totally different. Some can't get out of bed, are all alone, while others work just fine at high performance jobs while also maintaining a family. Then the treatment is meds with none having higher than 50% certainty to work and some therapy with typical self-help advice.
semen retention is my only goal and skillSo far, I have, Im having, wet dreams every 7 or 11 days. sometimes 2 in 10 days. so, its not TRUE Retention. I feel SR, the true deal, is my only goal, skill and boon.
Have people told you that you give off strange vibes?At least 5 different succubi have told me that I give of serial killer vibes. Strangely enough, no one told me that I give off school shooter vibes, hm. What could this mean? How do I come off as a serial killer? I think I act pretty normal in public, hide my emotions well. I’m just an average joe, and yet people supposedly see though the curtains.
The weight of responsibilityThere are few things as annoying as being responsible for things, even things for myself.
I am so patheticCan I just vent for a moment?
Day in the lifeOf me being NEET. dicking around on the web behind my locked door while my dysfunctional family argues with eachother daily. The house is destroyed by dogs and smells like shit, piss and vomit. Gas, electricity and water routinely go out. theres 5 cars here and only 2 of them work and are reserved for my dad and sister who will very reluctantly let me use it from time to time. I can't get a job due to being stranded here and have worked at most places all ready within a 3 mile radius. Sometimes my brother, who's abused me my whole life will visit and give me a trepidation about my future. I haven't even gotten my license yet because my dad sabotaged 7 of my Drivers license appointments by promising me he'll get me a rental to take the test, then on the day of the test he goes "whoops, sorry" (all his cars aren't registered, and even if they were they wouldn't pass inspection)
USA Disability advice?Come here to ask how to just give up and be a NEET. I've tried to be a regular member of society for 15 years and failed horrendously time and time again. Felt like I was set up for failure from the very beginning because I didn't get official confirmations of my mental illnesses until this year. I've spent many years failing over and over, getting into debt, I have absolutely nothing in my savings or to my name, and haven't had energy to sustain myself or hobbies in years.
Last Time You Were HappyThe last time I actually felt happy was when I was 8 or 9. Everything I consider "good" is only good by virtue of being marginally less shitty than everything else out there. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm scared of death and want to believe I can be "happy" again. Weed is probably the closest I will get to that childlike feeling, but it makes me even more miserable and retarded when I'm sober so I know I have to stop smoking it
GIVE UP FOREVERWizChan-Kun, please and kindly give up.
Asholes who speak with superiorityLot of people in my life said to me something, but in reality the sense of their words is like that:
Overwriting personality?What do I do if I hate my personality? My personality is who I am including my thoughts. Who do I listen to? How can I know which thoughts are right and which are wrong?
Im so close to curing my DP/DRHello i once posted here once about my extreme depression that was depersonalisation/derealisation caused by trauma and involuntary drugging against my will that's still happening.
AntinatalismWhy isn't this philosophy discussed more here? Seeing as we're all celibate and have miserable lives it seems like a natural fit. Personally this is a religion for me, I wear a graphic T that says "birth is the beginning of damnation". Whenever someone asks me what that means, it gives me an opportunity to spread the bad news and use street epistemology to question them on whether they should have children. This philosophy has given me meaning and purpose despite what a black pill it is.
Chronic Pain/illness threadThis is a thread dedicated to those poor souls among us who battle with chronic pain or illness alongside mental illness.
It feels like goodness only exists in fictionI hate to say it because i was an idealist raised by tv and books, but it seems like good people, for me, only exist in fiction.
The memories of humiliationHow do you deal with humiliation in your past? I feel like it defines me as a human being. I've been misunderstood and humiliated more than I'd like to admit. I'm very socially awkward, and people are not kind or forgiving to me at all.
Waiting for life to happenI wonder how many of you can relate to this and I'm sure it's probably something that only concerns the most isolated among us.
Getting irritated by sex stuffThis is something I never really understood about myself but ever since I can remember I've been getting extremely irritated by being involuntarily exposed to normie sex stuff to the point where I feel intense rage or severe discomfort, it's things such as sex scenes in movies, sexual memes, pornographic lyrics in music or people talking about sex in public and social media. It just instantly irritates me like nothing else. I've been feeling like this since I was like 8-10 years old and I wonder if anyone else knows what I mean.
Good personality privilege?Am I going too far here or is this something that's severely underrated?
its ok to feel painLet go. Sometimes you have to lance the abscess and let the poison flow without getting caught up in it.
differencesNormalfags with jobs are always the most excited about videogames, media, food, travels, parties, etc. because for them it's really an escape to their boring lives so they have an advantage when it comes to enjoying media and life in general. Following the normal script makes it possible for an appreciation that neets don't have but wagies do.
How do you get over body dysphoriaReligion, working out, self-care, etc. Every step I took I could not take myself seriously or I'd over obsess perfection and progress.